Category: Shoes (Gals)

You know how it is, pigeons. You’re tired. It’s, say, the Sunday after Easter and you’ve made it through the winter and you’ve cleaned and put away the winter boots (and do clean them before you put them away — all that dirt and salt are horrid to any material). You’re getting ready for a big day at church and you want to be comfortable, Lord. And you know, like any other minister knows, that comfort starts in your feet. You could be in your pj’s, but if your shoes pinch, fuhgettabowtit for comfort.

You need a good praychin‘ shoe. Not a flat that’s so flat it gives you no sense of having anything on your feet at all, which is unprofessional and too casual (even if those ballerina flats cost $200 — they’re still not substantial enough to wear for church). You can’t wear canvass or satin. Nothing too flowery and nothing too sporty. You just cannot get your foot into a pair of heels: not this Sunday. All your smart, sharp boots remind you of winter and you just can’t with the winter right now.
You’re tired unto the death of all your boring black flats. You know that PeaceBang disapproves of religious leaders in Mary Janes of almost any kind because she has conducted a highly scientific survey of paying attention to ministerial footwear for fifteen years and has concluded that 98% of Mary Jane style shoes favored by clergy are frumpy.

This would be the time to bring out a solid, dependable, not-too-flat, not-too-girlish, not-too-dowdy, not-too-sporty pair of flats in a neutral color. These aren’t going to be the shoes that make you feel fabulous. They’re not going to be the shoes that communicate anything impressive about you. They’re not going to be the shoes that give you a giddy smile when you put them on. These are going to be Perfectly Fine Preaching shoes of which you will grow increasingly fond over the years by being comfortable, solidly respectable, non-frumpy (but certainly on the verge of it, which is fine some weeks) and that will get you through those low-energy Sundays. Nothing wrong with that.

Priya by Wolky, kind of sporty but at least they don’t have a rubber sneaker sole or any sporty stitching. What is WITH the sporty stitching on flats? It makes them look like TIRES, for heaven’s sake!

Born Julianne. Definitely a ballet flat, but a nice spring color and at least they don’t have velcro anywhere on them. You can sense that my standards are very low in this post.

What do you think of this sort of spectator flat? These are Clark’s Valley Moon. I’m not sold for the pulpit, but they’re ok for everyday. Don’t let me look at them for too long, though, because I’m liable to change my mind.


I forget where I found these. Probably selective amnesia, as they depress me.

YESSSSS, Lawd! But who am I kidding? These are Christian Louboutin, darlings.

And this next photo is Exhibit A in how NOT to wear flats. These are too insubstantial, too cankle-causing and just plain too jeune-fille for a religious leader.

Wow, that was rough. I better look at some beautiful human works of art soon to get over the funk caused by these uninspiring shoes. That blue pair is causing me soul pain.

I admit it. I’m beat down by all this snow. We got another, I dunno, ten inches overnight that I wasn’t expecting (or didn’t want to acknowledge). I need to go shovel out the car. I didn’t put it in the garage because there’s an old creaky tree next to the garage that goes crrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreak and sways threateningly when you look at it funny and I had visions of it falling. I always have visions of it falling.

So I have to shovel out the car now. Fridays are my day off but I have an article to write for a book and I’m also lonely for my people so I hope to get out and make some pastoral visits today. It feels like it has been such a season of isolation for me that I can’t imagine how I would feel if I couldn’t drive myself around.

Anyway, let’s talk about women’s preaching shoes for a minute. I feel that these Jambus are unacceptably sporty to wear in the pulpit:

It seems like all comfortable shoes these days are made with these big rubber soles in a contrasting color and it’s just too sporty, dern it all!!

And then, contrarywise, there’s something like this Fluevog, which is just way too gangster badass. Silver and pointy toes and cut-outs and 3″ crazy heel? All bad design elements for preaching. Too flashy, too sexy, too distracting. I would wear these with a beige linen suit or something else very tailored and very unadorned, but they do not belong in the mainline Protestant pulpit or on any bema. If I decided to go into some kind of charismatic evangelical tradition where I could walk all over the chancel or stage and gesticulate and sweat and take out a hankie and mop my brow and get slain in the Holy Spirit or that kind of thing, I might rock these shoes. I’d wear a fabulous white suit with slightly flared pants, a mic around my head, and I would stride around in these amazing shoes kicking Satan to the curb. “Satan! FEEL this pointy toe in your bum!”

Different life, different shoes.

Out to shovel some snow. Did I just say snow again? Snow, snow, snow, snow, snow. Oh, wait, did we get more SNOW? Allworkandnoplaymakespeacebangadullgirl. I’ll alert you if I start seeing visions of creepy twin girls in period garb asking me to come play with them or if my dog starts saying “redrum” instead of “woof woof.”

Take care of yourselves, peachies.

I forgot to tell you that I found this amazing bootie by Rieker on sale a few weeks ago and I am really in love. I got it in this smoky taupe color, which I am beginning to think is your best investment if you’re in the market for a new pair of work shoes. There’s something about this taupe that is so gorgeous with black or navy or grey or purple or camel or really any neutral you can think of.

I have bad feet but I could wear these to church all day and not feel a bit of pain. The soles are nice and grippy so you won’t slide around, and the heel is so stable you’ll feel very confident on your feet. I love the little Boho touches like the side lace and the little imprint design. I also love that the heel is substantial but not lunky, which is hard to find. Best of all, I was thrilled that these look beautiful with a dress!! The ankle is fitted enough and the heel high enough to give the shoe an elegant line. I have worn these with a black suit, with a purple print dress and cardi, and with brown trousers and a navy blazer. They are winners. I’m not saying they look great in the photos, but I’m so glad I tried them on. They were insta-squealies, you know, like when you see a kind of ugly dress hanging on the sale rack and you think, “Well, maybe I should try this on.” And then, voila! Insta-squeal!

Not sandals that make ya trip, silly, sandals that you take with you ON a trip!

Sarah G. says she climbed Mount Vesuvius in these! Naples by Keene.

See, I could never wear these because I have a super extra short pinky toe that would poke out at just the wrong place on these straps. But I sure can appreciate that lug bottom for a touring excursion and I can speak to the sturdiness and grippiness of Keenes in general.

Here’s a shoe that I like because it has a nice closed toe, which I find much more appealing for travel in cities (cleaner, more protected foot) and more conservative cultures. Paradise by Keene:

My pinky toe would probably still poke out of these but those of you without ridiculous baby toes might like them. I like the color a lot.