Beauty Tips for Ministers

Matching Dress Shoes To Your Suit

Hey fellas,

Want to know how to match dress shoes to your suit?

I thought you might.

Thank me later. Better yet, send a photo!

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Hey, Daoist Priests: No Sneakers For You, Either!

This just in from the Taoist side of the family in response to this ole post on sneaks.

Hehe, I’ve been loving this site, Rev. PB, and felt the need to reply to this one.

I’m a novice priestess in a small but historic Daoist denomination. Typically one wears the traditional Chinese black mary-jane “cloth shoes” which are casual-to-nice for persons of any persuasion, in ritual or day wear. These, or Buddhist-style sandals, are the usual for many Daoist clergy. (Though technically “ten-direction shoes” are formal for Daoist clergy, they’re rather hard to find or make.) Black cloth shoes are modest and dignified.

But more and more Daoist priests may be seen wearing bright white sneakers under vestments. Truly and glaringly hideous. Imagine traditional “high church” Roman Catholic or Greek Orthodox robes combined with Adidas and you get the drift. It’s one thing to wear such during private rituals when laity aren’t present. But to think that footwear doesn’t matter, ironically may end up actively calling atention to one’s feet during public services. It ends up being very immodest.

Footwear have ritual import, same as any other ritual tool. It makes one look down (to Earth) when one ought look up (to Heaven.) I can’t imagine the ritual aesthetics for Christians would differ that much on this score(?).

Geez, I’m tellin’ ya! Those cloth Mary Janes are about as comfortable as you can get without wearing bedroom slippers! Granted, they don’t have much support but I imagine one could fairly easily find a black shoe with some support without resorting to the BLINDINGLY WHITE athletic shoe!

Sneakers are definitely not The Way to anything good.
*Badda-bing!* Thank you! I’m here all week!

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PLAID IS IN: Fall Fun

Precious lovelies!

PeaceBang has noticed that PLAID is all the rage for this fall, and she wants to encourage you to get out those old plaid pieces and MAKE THEM WORK for your professional wardrobe.

Two things about plaid.
1. A little goes a long way.
2. Plaid needs to be styled to work for your professional attire. In other words, one cannot just slap on a plaid lumberjack shirt over a pair of shapeless slacks and be done with it. That would be a fast train to Frumpsville.

Lookie here.

She’s very cranky, but the photo shows a FITTED plaid shirt, which is how I want you to think.

Darling plaid pieces!! I’m not mad about the skirts but on the right person they could be ador’. But see how these pieces are all about fit and detail? They do half the work for you.

Not that we’re getting this rock n’ roll about it, but just a reminder that a fun shoe can dress up a comfortable outfit. Look at the proportions and fit here: see? I don’t recommend skinny pants for any of us on the job, but the point is that this outfit FITS. Plaid is no excuse to drown the body in fabric.

Plaid can be creative. Jennifer Aniston looks SHARP (not so much the fit of her shirt, but her elegant hair and polished make-up), and I LOVE that jacket that Tori Spelling’s wearing.

Guys, you’re not allowed to just slap on a lumberjack shirt and leave it at that, either. Get a gander at this young starlet. He’s got it right. For pastor fellas, I’d wear a charcoal T or fitted sweater underneath rather than the classic white:

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Man Purses As Modeled By Robert Downey, Jr.

See, guys? You too can rock the man purse.

The first is obviously a gym bag, but I love that RDJ carries it like a woman’s purse.
The second is cool, I think, although you’d want to be better dressed than he is in the photo (loose, floppy light denim/gas station attendant looks aren’t snappy enough for pastors).
The third option is perhaps a bit much for your taste — I mean, that is a PURSE, Bobby! — but I think it’s fab. Not that I’m saying you should be wearing a fedora or anything, but if you need to carry a bag, carry a bag!

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Down With the Scruffy Beard!!!

What do all of these men have in common?

They would all look so much better without the scruffy beards!! A scruffy beard is the fastest route to the Unkempt, Slightly Dirty look that may be appealing to the hipster crowd, but doesn’t belong on a clergyman’s face. When I see a scruffy-faced colleague ascend the pulpit wearing vestments I always think, “Eeek, what visual discord!” But then again, this is usually the guy with the scuffed shoes he thinks no one can see under the robe he threw on in his office.
It’s all part of that “I’m just a reg’lar guy” affectation that may be genuine for some (still, though — even “regular guys” are capable of grooming!) but for others is some kind of defense mechanism. What’s that about, guys? It always seems to me that if a clergyperson seems more invested in being thought “cool” than being thought faithful, there’s something wrong.

Here’s something even worse: The Spiky Hair AND the Scruffy Beard!! Saints preserve us!

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“Fit”ness For My Guys

PeaceBang has had more than one e-mail from a male colleague lately asking, “How in tarnation did I know if my clothes FIT me right?”

It does seem a bit mysterious, doesn’t it, boys?
I mean, we can discuss the three hypostases of the Trinity more easily than we can figure out how long our sports jackets should be, or just where on the top of the foot the hem of the pants should fall.

I recommend that gentlemen clergy collect catalogs from respected menswear manufacturers and study them. Or go online to sites like Brooks Brothers or Eddie Bauer and spend some time clicking and on various images. Brooks Brothers has helpful interactives on their site like “How To Tie A Tie.” Get creative, guys! Put some time into it! I also like Eddie Bauer’s site for it’s classic looks — Brooks Brothers can get a little Euro-fashiony in their cut for my tastes (European cuts are slimmer and more streamlined than American cuts, and therefore less forgiving on the body. Plus, they just look weird for the average man, I think).

Do not upset and confuse yourself by going to, say, the web site for Barney’s in New York. There you will find such high fashion, expensive nonsense (Get thee behind me, $115 Phillip Lim pants with the tapered ankles!) that it will only perplex you. However, if you’re into fashion to the extent that you’re buying Phillip Lim, you don’t need my advice. Rock on with your fabulous self and send in photos!

Use your common sense. Get over your embarrassment and ask your well-dressed friend to enlighten you about some of the finer details of menswear. Better yet if that well-dressed friend will go shopping with you — either to the store or in your own closet, where you can try some things on and get an honest opinion about whether it’s a fine/keep it, clean it, tailor it, or toss it.

Liberal religious male clergy tend to be far worse offenders in the “fit”ness and appropriateness categories. For some reason, they seem to think that their tradition of theological interpretation extends to their clothing, leaving them free to “express themselves” with garments and grooming that communicate not so much, “I am free-thinking individual,” but “I feel free to look like a slob.” It’s not working, fellas.

I grew up with a corporate Big Apple daddy who dressed nattily at all times and whose suits fit him impeccably, and I know full well that he had Sam Coppola, his beloved tailor, to thank for that. This is why I implore you to make the acquaintance of a tailor and to support their craft. They are a dying breed, and PeaceBang fervently believes that good fit and fine tailoring should not be something we dismiss as “too fancy for the likes of me.”

It is far, far better to have one pair of slacks that fit well than six that droop or cling inappropriately around one’s body.

So thanks for asking, those of you who did ask. And good luck.

NIiiiiice suit. Brooks Bros.

Hey, I think these are cute! However, they communicate one thing: preppy privilege. Be conscious, be conscious!

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