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“Bringing It” And Accessories That Steal Focus

I have nothing but total respect for Ms. Streep, of course, but she is not known to be a terrific dresser (for THAT honor among glamorous gals of her generation, see Helen Mirren. And then see Helen Mirren again. And just SEE HELEN MIRREN, because she is FABULOUS AND I BOW DOWN).

Speaking of Helen Mirren, I finally saw “The Cook, The Thief, His Wife and Her Lover” about six weeks ago, and I am still not over it. So disturbing, and the music is — as in all Peter Greenaway films — haunting in the way that you’ll be brushing your teeth and suddenly you’ll just hear it in your mind. *chills*

So here’s the wondrous Madame Streep at some sort of movie premier, wearing her a very typical (for her) red and black color combo.

If I was Streep’s stylist, I would have dressed her differently. She prefers these 1950’s housedress sillhouettes that do flatter her figure but are distinctly non-sophisticated. They don’t communicate anything in particular except comfort and “I’d like to get out of here as fast as possible so I can go do something interesting, please” (not a bad message, actually). The length is okay, but the fit on top is horrid, and these shoes are strangely sexy for her decidedly frumpy ensemble.

She has great posture. Look and learn. And a tremendous vibrancy to her bearing. Learn that, too. Don’t expect to genuinely feel it every day. Just bring it. That’s part of your job when you’re in public. And… trust PeaceBang on this… when you “bring it” (a term that I prefer to “faking it,” because making an effort to bring an energized presence to our ministry is not faking. It is being faithful to our obligations. Do you think Jesus always felt like shining on the people around him? No, of course not. There were undoubtedly times when he would have rather been sitting in a corner of his father’s carpentry shop with a bar of chocolate and a good book. Or a Good Book. But I digress), you’ll begin to actually feel it.

ANYWAY, my real problem with this outfit is that Ms. Streep’s belt is BIGGER THAN HER HEAD. It’s an issue of proportion. Again and again and again I say, no matter how awesome a garment or accessory may be, it has to work for YOU. Seeing something in a store or catalog or online or in a friend’s closet and loving it is great. That doesn’t mean you should own it or wear it. As in all things, your fashion dictum must be “Know Thyself.” Know your proportions. Know your reality. That will keep you from being worn by your clothes, as Meryl is being worn by this belt in this photo. She’s Meryl Freakin’ Streep, for heaven’s sake! She has more Oscars than anyone else on the planet (and if I’m wrong about that, please don’t correct me — I’m having a hyperbolic moment!)! I should not look at her and immediately see not her face, not her fabulousness, but that monstrously huge BELT across her waist.

Out of respect for Meryl Streep’s talents, I shall refrain from commenting on her hair.

Make sure that you, not anything you happen to be wearing or carrying, are the focus.

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Easter Season Reflections and Bright Pants

Hellllo, pigeons!!

PHEW! Did we survive Easter in one piece, all y’all?
I am still in the midst of ministerial marathon, as I led a mid-week worship service last night (a peaceful, candlelit gathering called Circle For Compassion, based on Karen Armstrong’s book, 12 Steps To A Compassionate Life), am organizing and leading a Passover seder tonight (for which I cooked a brisket which gave me a hard time until I threatened to smash it with a hammer, after which it immediately tenderized to my satisfaction and can now be cut with a spoon), and am preparing for a memorial service on Saturday. I’ll rest when I’m dead, I suppose.

I am grateful for friends. More so than I can say. I am grateful for Poppa T, my hip-hop Episcopalian priest with whom I laughed for well over two hours on the phone last week. I am grateful to my Rev. Butter Lamb, who keeps me going technologically and spiritually. I am grateful for the pals who made it to my parsonage on Easter afternoon, all tired from the work of Holy Week ministry, to share ham and stories and more laughter. I am so happy that the Very Pregnant Rev. KGS was there and that she delivered of a healthy baby boy two days later.

I became dangerously dehydrated on Easter afternoon and wound up horizontal on the couch, too dizzy to stand. I am grateful to Alison, who thought to ask me if I had been drinking enough water. I am grateful to Peter, who stayed with me and chatted until I had consumed about four Brita pitchers full of water and finally felt strong enough to stand upright.
I am grateful to neighbor and friend Kim, who brought strawberry cake the next day and insisted that I eat it because “it’s just like having fruit.” I love a woman who thinks like that. I am grateful to RW, who is always available for phone support and who met me at Whole Foods for lunch but mostly for a big hug. I am grateful to Michael who was my date Saturday night for a wonderful night of theatre, and I am grateful to the Company Theatre for presenting a thoroughly charming production of “The Wedding Singer.”

I am grateful to awesome church folk, from whom I constantly learn and from whom I constantly gain strength and inspiration. To our church staff, who are talented and terrific, and to the “Altar Guild” and Knitters and others who Get. Things. Done. with charm and humor and creative spark.

I always go through a post-Easter period where I intensely feel God’s presence in the human community. It’s like I get out of my head and into my body in a really earthy, grounded way, and while I lose a lot of my customary mystical ju-ju, I get to feel normal, and even boring. Baseball season starts. I’m thinking about my little garden. I want to go out and play more, and read lighter fare. I feel closer to people. I see them more brightly lit and I love them more easily and deeply.

And sometimes, to reflect the lightness and vibrancy of the season, I think that I might like to wear a pair of bright red or green cropped chinos but then I remind myself that my Easter spirit does not need to express itself as an assault on the eyes of an innocent public. Although, I am somewhat torn. Look at these:

Too casual for ministry. “Mr. Stufflebean, your gardener is here to see you.” Or, “Mrs. Latham, a nice young man from the circus stopped by to visit.”

On the other hand, hot chicness!


Definitely for a day off… but also maybe with a cute blazer for a day at the office.Not cuffed, of course, and not with scuffs.


Purely LOVE, except for that hiddy maroon shirt.


My retinas just burned. Still, on this teeny tiny frame, a pair of insanely loud pants with flats (not that high waist – ick) and a neutral shirt could work.

I’m going to have to lay down some clear guidelines on this one. If you can wear them in a chic and tailored manner, and pair them with clean lines and other garments that aren’t equally bright, enjoy your bright pants. These are not a look for curvy-swervy bodies and they need to be styled, not just thrown on with a golf shirt. Keep the shoes simple, and the rest of the look polished, lest you risk looking like a 6th grader.

MWAH! Kiss of peace!

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Comment Of The Day: Let Us Praise Beautiful Pants, O Ye Children

I wish to sing the praises of beautiful pants. I’d never paid much attention before. I generally focused on getting them to fit (5’2), reasonably in style, decent quality – and cheap. This time, I decided to invest a little. I got three pair – 2 from Jones New York (I’ll follow them anywhere) and one from Alfani. The Alfani’s were a disappointment – I bought them a size bigger because I thought my size didn’t fit. But after a day’s wearing, they had slipped from my waist & were held up by my hips – not a great look. I think I’ll find a seamstress to put belt loops on. But the Jones – ooh la la. Serious, panting pant-love. A light summer wool – gorgeous fabric, in blue-grey and textured light brown. Beautifully made. Well-proportioned for my short legs. And pockets – pockets, I tell you. These pants seem to class up whatever I wear with them. I just feel more polished and put together. There, I’ve said it, and I’m not ashamed.

Sister, we AFFIRM your testimony. Thank you for sharing. Leggings are of Satan, but a good pair of pants turneth away God’s wrath.

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A Great Way To Learn

One of the things that PeaceBang does for you when she has time, is to peruse on-line clothing stores looking for suggestions and for bad examples to warn you away from. One of the great things about this exercise is that it helps me see what is out there that the fashion people are trying to foist on us suckers (seriously, the horrors never end!!), and it also provides an opportunity to see the same human being in a variety of different looks, just like when I visit with one of you and we do a little fashion show out of your closet. This opportunity to view a dozen different looks on the same model is very instructive. You see in a flash how proportion, fit, color, style and fabric can either help or harm someone’s natural beauty and either flatter or insult their figure.

Here’s an example from Carson’s, which I remember fondly from my years as a Midwesterner. We knew it as Carson Pirie Scott and they gave me my first credit card when I graduated from college.
Click on the image to enlarge:

Helpful, innit? Beyond your personal opinion about the various styles, you can see that certain cuts are pretty and others just do mean things to her. Like the fifth and sixth options: yikes! If you wonder if it’s worth all the fuss to take a lot of care with your clothing purchases, yes, it most emphatically IS worth the fuss and effort. And it’s not just a matter of “Oh, I like that and I can fit it over my head.” It’s a matter of quality for the price, how often you’ll wear the garment, real fit (not just, “I can button it, so it fits”), detailing of style (too much cleavage when you lean a little ways forward? Away it goes, and too bad. A print that washes you out, because you don’t wear make-up? Sorry, not worth the price even on sale) and suitability for your work and your image.

It is eminently worth it to treat your selection of clothing as a serious matter worthy of dedicated time and full attention. Think of it as curating an art collection (you are, after all, a living work of art), and not just accumulating random things to wear every day.

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“Casual Dinner” During Interview Weekend Means Neither “Casual” Nor “Dinner”

This question came to me via Twitter, and it’s a good one: “What do I wear to a ‘casual dinner’ at a parishioner’s house during an interview weekend?”

So tricky, so tricky! Here are a few thoughts for you, my dear and talented newbie:

1. Get comfortable with the fact that you’re probably going to be the most formally dressed person in the room, because you are interviewing and they can say “casual” all they want, but you should never be casual in an interviewing situation. They’re welcome to eat in jeans, or in work-out clothes. Practice your confident smile in the hotel room: these are weird gatherings that can tempt you into feeling like you’re off duty, but you and I know better than that. You’re not their pastor yet, so you can’t dress for dinner with them as though you are. Your beautiful, polished presence honors the invitation. I am certain that the hosts will have gone to great effort to put a lovely meal together, so your outfit should reflect back that effort. God knows you don’t want to be under-dressed. That would be horrible!

2. Your outfit should be comfortable but very put together. Styling is your friend here. Think soft fabrics (anything too structured, like a blazer, will seem too stiff and corporate for the intimate setting), think tailored, think accessories that make an impression but that don’t get in the way of your eating or gesticulating at a table filled with delicate items that could get knocked over. You really don’t need an “Oh, I’m so sorry I just knocked over a glass of Pinot Noir while enthusiastically detailing for you my vision of Christian Education at your church!” – moment.
So skip the charm bracelet and stick with the beautiful dramatic necklace, or use a gorgeous clip to hold your hair back. Avoid scarves, as they might wind up dragging in your salad. Gents, you should wear a nice, casual sports jacket but not a tie.

Some ideas: cute neutral trousers (something fitted nicely in a structured fabric), a navy cardigan, a beautifully patterned blouse, hair up in a chignon, pumps. A knee length pencil skirt, comfortable sweater with 3/4 length sleeves, pretty flats. A pair of wide-legged trousers with a perfectly ironed classic blouse tucked in, a great belt, and statement earrings. Dudes: khakis, shined up shoes, button-down, nice V-neck sweater. Throw a sports jacket on over all that for extra awesomeness.

No: jeans, big clompy boots, dangly anything, hair that will distract you or tempt you to play with it, crop pants, overdone glittery or sequiny details, shiny fabrics, or super fitted garments. Check for cleavage from a seated position. You will be leaning forward, reaching and using utensils (I mean, I hope you will, unless you want to go au naturel and eat everything with your fingers: that will certainly make an impression!).

3. Eat before you get there. Seriously. At least eat enough so that you aren’t actually hungry when you get to the house, as your job there is to be able to graciously converse and respond to pleasant inquiries (that are actually just as loaded with potential gaffes as any formal interview questions). You can’t really pay attention to what’s being said and to social cues when you’re wolfing down bread and butter or obsessing about the appropriateness of accepting a second helping of meatloaf, so make sure you arrive with a good blood glucose level and something in your tum.

4. One glass of wine seems fine to me, unless you know the former minister was a lush, in which case pretend to think it over and then say, “Oh, thank you. Maybe later, but I’d love a (club soda, tonic, Diet Coke).” And then don’t have a glass of wine at all. If the hosts are serving a wine they seem to be very proud of and have obviously chosen just for this occasion, it’s a good idea to accept ONE glass and make an appreciative comment about how lovely it is. If you’re abstinent from alcohol and you’d rather downplay that fact for the time being, you can say, “Thank you, but I don’t think I’ll drink tonight” if cocktails are offered. Always follow a rejection with an affirmation, e.g, “No thank you, but I would love some seltzer if you have some.” It’s the same thing with meat or sugar, or any other dietary restrictions. “I’m going to pass on the pork, thank you, but I would love some more potatoes if there are any left,” or “I don’t think I could possibly manage a chocolate mousse right now but if you’re making tea I would love a cup.”

5. No matter how much fun you’re having, never forget that this is still a job interview. Wrap up your stories in a timely manner and keep an eye on the clock. I am a total night owl and dining room gabber who can happily sit around a table for hours and hours talking late into the night, but in most gatherings people really want to get their guests out no later than 9pm so they can clean up and get to bed at a decent hour. As the guest of honor, it is up to you to look at your watch, exclaim, “Oh my gosh, it’s after nine already!” Let the others take it from there. They will, and they’ll appreciate you for helping conclude the evening, which has been work for everyone.

6. Be ready to offer grace, because you will be asked. Keep it simple. This is not the time to impress with your mad extemporaneous prayer skillz. It’s time to offer up a humble and short prayer, because the food is hot and your host or hostess is going to harbor deep resentments against you if you blather on too long and let the asparagus soup get cold.

7. Get up out of your seat and help clear. Don’t ask, just help. If someone says, “Please, relax,” you can still help by stacking plates. As a frequent dinner party hostess, I am amazed how many guests come, eat the food, and peel out the door without asking if they can help clear. I consider that to be a sign of poor character and bad breeding and I sniff with disapproval at such people, which causes Jesus to look sadly at me over his cup of coffee. When he does, I say, “Oh, stop it with your big puppy eyes. That is SO ill-mannered and you know it.”

8. Send a thank you card. A CARD that comes in the MAIL with a STAMP on it.

9. Good luck!!! xoxo Kiss of peace, PB