Beauty Tips for Ministers

Yes, People Notice Thy Socks

An interesting article on professional image and dressing from the Wall Street Journal.

Thanks to Miz Claire for the link.

I’d Ask What In Fresh Hell This Is, But I Think It’s Just… Fresh Hell

Princess Caroline of Monaco. Daughter, I believe, of Grace Kelly. The mind reels. What can we learn from this? First: tailored and elegant is always a much better bet than crazy and flouncy. Save the crazy and flouncy for senior prom. Second, this is also an issue of scale: if the body is swathed all in one dark color, and then one carries a tiny, bright bag, one looks absolutely enormous by comparison, as if one is carrying a Barbie accessory.

P.S. I swear I saw that exact bag at Filene’s Basement a few weeks ago.

I Love You, Maria Von Trapp!!

Oh, oh, oh!! Did you SEE Julie Andrews this morning on Regis and Kelly? I was picking up a decaf at Dunkin Donuts at the time so I didn’t get to watch her for more than a minute, but darlings, she is the EPITOME of elegance, warmth and PRESENCE.

She’s been wearing her hair the same way forever, but it’s such a timeless style, it just works. It’s soft, full, swept back from her smashingly gorgeous face, and colored a soft auburn. Her eyebrows are penciled in so you can see their expressive, elegant arch. The lips are colored a soft rose-mauve (no big gooey glosses for our Miss Andrews!), lots of mascara to frame the eyes, and best of all, she seems to have had no plastic surgery. The skin is sagging — let’s say softening — where it should be softening on a woman of her years, and her bearing is regal. She is getting, if anything, more beautiful with time.

Her voice is still the cultured voice you remember from your childhood “Mary Poppins” viewings, with that wonderful gravelly undertone and throaty laugh that reassures you that although she’s a piss-elegant Brit, she’s got a good cache of naughty jokes and drinking songs in her repertoire to go along with “Do-Re-Mi.”

She was wearing a dove gray suit accessorized with big square earrings to highlight her face, a thick, classic, flat gold chain around her neck and a soft, ivory chiffon scarf tucked into her suit to soften its tailored lines. SWWOOOOON!!

Her posture and open, attentive expression is a thing of glory and should be studied by us all, men and women. As a singer, Julie Andrews knows how to keep her “mask” open; the part of the face that would be covered if you wore an old-school masquerade ball mask. All ministers should know how to open their mask, as it energizes the expression and makes you look more alive, aware and present.

How to Open The “Mask” of the Face:

Sit in a chair, slightly slumped over. Let your face totally relax, and even settle into a bit of a frown.

Now, pretend that you are Julie Andrews about to teach the Von Trapp children the first notes of the solfege. Sit up straight, but not ram-rod straight. Remember, you’re Maria, not Captain Von Trapp. Taking both your hands, lift them in a gesture that an orchestra conductor might use to signal musicians to pick up their instruments. Let your face open as your hands open. Your skin will feel pulled back, your eyebrows and eyes wide open but not in an alarmed or forced manner.

Practice in front of a mirror until you look poised, present, fresh and attentive but not like a deer in headlights.

P.S. Singers, you already know how to open your mask, since you know we can produce no rich sound without doing so. Teach your friends.

All clergypersons, when presiding at worship, should have an open mask at all times except perhaps when praying. There can be no embodied, relational worship if the presider does not understand or know how to produce an open mask and supported breath required for all good public communication.

Good Lord, Whatever Happened To A Nice, Ladylike Frock!??

*sputter, sputter*

Are these dresses meant explicitly for the sex workers of America, or am I missing something????

For those of you with young daughters, PeaceBang extends her condolences. It must be a HELLA challenge keeping your mouth shut while they go about dressed in these outlandishly revealing items.

Just about knocked my bonnet right off my head when I saw those. Sakes alive.

Dressing “Younger”

Precious ones,

I watched most of an “Oprah” episode yesterday where she had on two fashion experts whose goal was to help frumpy women in their 30’s, 40’s, 50’s and 60’s keep from dressing “old.”

They did have some great advice, such as
1. Just because it still fits doesn’t mean you should be wearing it.
2. Dressing old (as in old fashions) makes you look old, and (in the words of one of the experts) “clueless.”
3. As you get older, show off your shape through excellent and flattering fit, not by revealing skin. The older you are, the less skin you should be showing (not that this means covering up from neck to toe, it just means wearing opaque stockings with the shorter skirts, etc.). Getting older = becoming more elegant.
4. Highlighting your waist is always a good idea, says Stacy London of “What Not To Wear.” Get the line of the bazoom where it should be through the judicious use of effective undergarments and draw the eye to the natural curve of the waist. If you truly have no waist, draw the eye to the lovely swanlike neck, or to the face, or somewhere else, I suppose.

HOWEVAH, many of the make-over outfits were really awful, ugly and what I would call “try-hard;” that is, they looked nothing like what a normal woman would wear for a normal day of work, running after kids, etc. It was more like, “This is SO FIERCE! I am a Hollywood fashion person and I live in total unreality about what an actual middle class woman can wear and afford, and also in total unreality about what actually looks good! Listen to MEEEE!”

Some of the pieces were admittedly terrific, but it was FAR more the hair and make-up improvements that made these gals shine than the new clothes they were sporting from Nordstrom and Saks.

The moral of the story is that there are a lot of self-proclaimed experts out there who are in bed with the clothing manufacturers and designers and whose bread is being buttered by the fashion industry. It is therefore in their best interest to persuade you that a huge, wide, patent leather belt over a chunky sweater is JUST THE THING you should have right now, or that really, a BIG PONCHO will truly highlight your fabulous yoga figure if you wear it with “figure-skimming” white pants and a fitted t-shirt that probably cost $175.

PeaceBang, on the other hand, gets ZERO dollars from anyone for writing this blog, for advising her readers, and for testing products. Her bread is being buttered by her church and only her church, with occasional gifts of thanks coming in by PayPal from those grateful for her advice and caring. Which is why, if PeaceBang ever seriously advises your wearing a big ole poncho or cape over tight white pants, you can bet she has seriously considered its usefulness for your lifestyle, your image, and your pocketbook.

It had to be said, so I said it. Kiss, kiss.

Sometimes It Takes a Man

PeaceBang has been a life-long adorer of drag queens and everything they’re about: over-the-top flair, unabashed excess in hair, make-up and the other accoutrements of outrageous femininity, sacrificing comfort for beauty, and using a combination of humor and sexuality to flaunt their stuff. They are about illusion, extravagance, in-your-face gorgeousness, bells and smells, baubles, bangles & beads. They are an ironic pageant of Womanhood, a reverent mockery and manifestation of Goddess Herself with man bits firmly tucked away beneath spandex and ace bandages. I am enchanted by and jealous of drag queens — they possess a wild, strut-your-stuff flamboyance that more women would have if that kind of Attitude hadn’t been beaten, and burned out of us over centuries of patriarchal abuse and control.

Viva la drag queens! There are many who are dear to my heart, but I have learned today that actor Patrick Swayze, the creator of one of my dearest and most inspiring drag queens in cinematic history, MISS VIDA BOHEME (from “To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar”) has pancreatic cancer. I just want to say here that I sincerely wish Mr. Swayze healing blessings, and want him to know that for me, he is immortalized in his creation of Vida.

If you want to read more, I wrote about this over at PeaceBang blog, too.