This may offend you. I am finally saying this after keeping my big fat mouth shut about it for awhile. I’ve been laughing about it with friends for too long. Time to AIR THIS OUT!
Ohhhh, boy, someone’s doing damage control (gets popcorn).
Honey, please. Just talk to us like a normal person. I already feel condescended to.
Yes, dear one? What can I get you? Perhaps a cup of Precious Holy Person Tea? Do you take sugar, Sugar? None for me, thank you. I already got six cavities reading your salutation.
(Looks behind me) Huh? I don’t even know you, lady. Just talk to me straight.
Oooh, someone f’d up and we’re getting an apology in 3-2-1.
Well, here’s someone with tons of power who’s trying to butter me up like he doesn’t have any. Fish ain’t biting, mister.
Who started this syrupy trend and when can it die already?
I reserve the right to use “Dear Ones” if I am conveying sad and grievous news and I am over the age of ________ (wisdom + maturity earned, YMMV). I reserve the right to react positively to it if it is being used by someone who has earned the right, through many years of building relationships, to assume that a whole lot of the people she’s addressing actually know her and are in community with her.
I reserve the right to continue to roll my eyes up to my hairline most of the other times I see it used.
File this under “Things Most Of The Elders In Your Community Are Indulging You Because You’re Just a Kid And You’ll Outgrow That Desperate Need To Sound like the Holy Mother Abbess” or “Please, Everyone Knows What a Bitter Person You Are, So Cut It Out” or just “Step Away From The Incense, You’re Getting Light-Headed.”