‘Tis a delicate subject, holy ones, but we may as well engage it: SWEAT.
Whether it’s hot flashes or un-air-conditioned sanctuaries or muggy days on the run from meeting to meeting, we get sweaty.
One of my stage managers, Erin, always gives her “Smell Well” speech to the cast before we get into dress rehearsals. Her basic message is PLEASE BATHE. Don’t cover your stink with Axe or perfume, bathe and be clean and be aware that we’re all in close quarters backstage and onstage, so please have respect for your fellow performers.
I love Erin’s Smell Well speech. And it’s true, there is no deodorant or powder or perfume that can replace a thorough scrub-down with plenty of soap and water.
Our General Assembly next year is going to be in New Orleans, so it occurs to me that perhaps we should start a powder recommendation so that in a year from now, God willing and the crick don’t rise, we’ll all have a handy reference to turn to before packing for the Big Easy.
First of all, this column is perfectly hilarious and quite informative and is written for persons of the testicular persuasion. Can I ever say “swamp crotch” on here? Well, I just did.
I am very well aware that regular powdering of lady parts is not healthy, so please do not think that I am promoting that practice. These powder recommendations are being made with the caveat that all bodies should take responsibility for researching the risks associated with talcs and other powders, because I believe there are some.
Gold Bond in a can is the mother lode, in my opinion. It’s probably totally toxic, but I only use it once in awhile for serious sweat management. I hold my breath and apply it down my back, around my torso, under my bra, and everywhere else I need to stay no-sticky. It goes on cold and has a kind of medicinal smell but it’s powerful.
Gold Bond Aerosol
This Jack Black product was recommended to me awhile ago and I think it’s the best of the non-spray powders. It smells fresh, and it works. It’s for boys but who cares?
Jack Black Dry Down Friction Free Powder
I don’t believe in Johnson & Johnson in general, and I don’t even really recommend this cornstarch powder. It’s just OK. You can do better.
Johnson’s Pure Cornstarch Baby Powder
This Burts Bees powder is gentle and tender like a baby’s butt. It’s nice for those days that you just need a little absorbence but nothing major.
Burt’s Bees Baby Bee Dusting Powder
A good friend of mine swears by Ammen’s Medicated Powder, and I believe they’ve got a hot rivalry going with Gold Bond. Looks like the price is right, too!
Ammens Medicated Powder
The most beautiful powder I have ever smelled I purchased either in Seattle, Washington or somewhere on the San Juan Islands about 18 years ago. Oh, how I loved that lavender powder. It came in a little square box and was locally milled and it smelled like a warm field of heaven. If you live in the Seattle area, please go to the Lavender Festival on the San Juan Islands for me! Did I ever tell you about the time I was camping on one of the islands and just as we were settling down for the evening, we heard clanking coming from across the water. Was it a garbage barge? Surely the noise that disturbed the tranquility of our natural paradise would cease soon?
But no, it was not to be. As it turned out, a Hollywood crew was filming “Free Willy 2” on location. All night long, we heard a director shout through a megaphone things like, “OK, CUE UP THE MECHANICAL WHALE AND BRING IT AROUND FOR ANOTHER TAKE.”
True story.
That lavender powder sure was divine, though. And you should probably order some absolutely gorgeous, delicious, healing, emollient calendula cream from Arbordoun, a tiny company on Lopez Island. I just did. I am so glad to see they’re still in business. Their cream is gorgeous for your skin and beautifully packaged and would make a great gift. It won’t help you with sweating but it will help your summer skin stay happy and healthy.
I’m not a big make-up wearer, but at the moment hot flushes and the hideous sweating that comes with them make it impossible. Some days getting through the Eucharist without sweat dripping into the Chalice counts as success. Any suggestions for a foundation/base which won’t just slide off during the next ‘power surge’ would be gratefully received.
Anne, I love “Bye Bye Foundation” available online. And PB, I too am a user of the Gold Bond Spray. I fear some of it is inhaled and some of it may migrate to places it should not be, but it’s how I live in the summer. For those of you who wish to banish underarm perspiration, which I know is only a small portion of the problem we are discussing here, I highly, hightly recommend MiraDry, a radiofrequency procedure available at most dermatology practices. It has cut my dry cleaning bills by 75%, easily. No more odor, no more perspiration, no more stains. Worth every penny. Watch for sales and specials at your local dermatologist.
Anne, Google “Mrs. Rainbow DIY airbrush.” It’s a post from a wedding website where a talented makeup artist shows how to use everybody’s fave, Monistat Relief Gel, as a primer with any foundation. You do have to order a certain powder to set it but the whole shebang is cheap, stays put all day in any weather and doesn’t feel gross. I don’t do it every day, only for conferences, weddings etc where I want to look put together and non-shiny for upwards of 12 hours.
Lady Anti Monkey Butt Powder. It’s more than just a great name! http://www.antimonkeybutt.com
I now swear by “silky underwear” from Lush (http://www.lushusa.com). I used to wear bike shorts under skirts – too warm and bunchy.