Hair Color: The New Thing, Or Speaking Truth To Manic Panic

So this is what’s happening with hair color now, all over the place. It is a HUGE trend.Click to enlarge the photos.

It’s a great thing to be able to adorn our heads with vibrant hues. The problem is, it is very hard to do neatly and beautifully and often winds up looking like a hot mess, as we see with the gal on the right. No shade meant here: she’s walking through Union Square Park and she’s not clergy. But that hair on a minister would be all kinds of wrong.

I’m seeing this hot mess on way too many clergy heads, and it needs to be addressed.

Radical hair color is a commitment. If you cannot commit to the whole look — which means getting the color done and kept up professionally by excellent colorists — do not try to express your individuality in this way. Please. Add colored pieces or fake swatches. Do something else to add the color you crave to your head. But understand that vibrant hair color is more often a fast lane to looking sloppy, silly and juvenile (I’m too tactful to say “dumb,” but that’s what I want to say) than it is a statement about your uniqueness.

Hair color that vibrant means that you actually have to style your hair every day unless you’re a carefree hipster artist who lives in a loft and wears overalls and clogs to work. It also means that no matter how carefully you prepare your words, half the congregation at any event you attend is going to be thinking about your hair and what your deal is with your hair before they consider other content emanating from your boca.

Hair color like that is instant upstaging of your face.
It also highlights every blemish and flaw, and makes you complexion look like death if you don’t compensate with artfully applied make-up. I’m speaking truth to Manic Panic here, people — I am sick of seeing clergy who look like they haven’t washed their faces in days because their harsh hair color brings out every blackhead and bit of razor stubble.

Here’s what vibrant hair color looks like when done well. This enchanting lady allowed me to photograph her in detail so you can see the work required, and BRAVA to her for knowing exactly what is required to rock the tresses with style. It’s not that she’s girly, it’s that she’s groomed:

I wonder why clergy feel they can inflict their clown hair on their communities, really. That’s a serious question. Does it not occur to them that despite the compliments they receive, what many people mean by “Wow, your hair is awesome!” is “Wow, your crazy clown hair has imposed itself so adamantly on my consciousness that I feel compelled to express words about it!” What many other people are thinking is, “I’m sorry you feel such a desperate need for attention. I wonder what that says about your maturity level. Do you intend to officiate at funerals with that ridiculous hair? Is that fair to the bereaved, that for years to come all anyone will be able to talk about when they remember Uncle Steve’s funeral is that ridiculous person who showed up looking like Bozo?”

Coloring your hair in wildly vibrant hues says, “I feel no accountability to any other potential ministry setting than my own tiny community of ardently liberal individualists.”

If clergy want to go the Fabulously Colorful hair route, go well or don’t go at all.

Purple hair in Union Square. The purple hue looks well-done and some clergy may be able to carry it off. The leggings, however, are another issue.