Janet asked a great question in response to this recent post,
Great column describing an important, non-verbal way of doing ministry. I empathize with the earlier commentators as what I think instantly shows up on my face. For those of us without any theatrical training, any suggestions as to the hows of developing a Ministerial Resting Face?
I responded in this video! And I made up the word “UNDIG!”
When I think about how exhausted I feel after Sunday worship, I think a good deal of it is that intense concentration and focus I exert during every minute from the time I walk through the door and try to see the building as a visitor would see it, through the worship service, and in the social time immediately following when it takes a lot of effort to maintain the concentration to connect pastorally with people. Leading a service is incredibly intense for me and for most clergy I know, regardless of whether we’re introverts or extroverts. Ritual is demanding, period. To manage spiritual energy while being responsible for content, flow and connecting with God and community is a big responsibility. It makes perfect sense to be aware of how all of this intensity, responsibility, spiritual openness and channeling and pastoral availability interplay with our own quotidian lives, and how it all shows on our face.
Cheers, dears!
What?! What??!? What’s the Ruth Bader Ginsburg story? I loved the video — it’s so YOU! And it’s good advice. One other thing that I’ve found helpful is to try to go to sleep with a smile on my face, or at least a pleasant expression. Somehow I think that doing that will train my muscles into a pleasant expression that will stick when I’m awake.
I remember a congregant telling us how touched he was watching my face as I sat in the chancel listening to my husband preach; he said he could see how much I loved him by my facial expression. Actually, as I was listening, I was thinking “I could probably get a load of laundry in before we have dinner; I’m running out of underwear.” [That is CLASSIC!! LOL! You didn’t see RBG’s whole confession about how she was drunk at the State of the Union Address?- PB]
I was applying for an overseas visa and had my picture done at the local drugstore photo counter. Of course, you’re not allowed to smile for those pictures. The clerk showed me the picture on camera before printing it and I thought, “OH. MY. GOD! I look like a mean little old lady!” So I made him take it again and pulled my lips back as far as I could without getting an actual smile and that Sunday I made SURE I was smiling when I first got up in the pulpit. It’s part of my mental checklist, right after “breathe.”
Fabulous video! Wonderful stuff.
As far as smiles go, it’s also good to build muscle memory for WHICH smile you’re using, and whether it matches the tone you’re striving for.
At a recent clergy preaching seminar, the preacher had a bright, beautiful, welcoming smile on her face… as she preached about something quite unsettling. It was jarring to many of us observing. When the group offered feedback to her, she realized that her gentle, pastoral “this will be okay” smile had accidentally turned into a huge and inappropriate “isn’t this the BEST?” grin.
Thanks for emphasizing that these exercises are all just information. It was brutal to watch myself on video, at that same preaching seminar, but it gave me critical information that I could act on the very next Sunday in the pulpit.
not a minister but what a great video – so useful for the rest of us – how should one look during a long commencement ceremony or for those of us who go to installations (I know we’re masochists) designed by the narcissists among us – or parents during the speeches at their child’s wedding – or best, when on jury duty – thank you, thank you
I think I found myself smiling perhaps a bit too much for the imposition of ashes on Ash Wednesday. There is definitely a love and gentleness that is shared at this sacred time, so I don’t think I was being inappropriate or inauthentic. But I’m aware I may have caught someone off guard or interrupted their experience by my expression. Thank you, as always, for encouraging and facilitating this sort of reflection and learning. [That is such a great point, Will. It’s important to realize that our own authentic and positive, loving expression may, in fact, be a little (or a lot) jarring to someone having a very interior experience of a different kind. We want to make space for them, and having a bit of a more neutral expression can help with that. Thank you for your sensitivity to those who receive your ministry. – PB]
Some years ago, I obtained a copy of John Sudol’s book: Acting Face to Face, which helped me be more aware of my “resting face”. When I am watching movies or stage productions, I watch the expressions on the non-featured performers to note how they react, attend to or focus their attention on the speaker of the moment.
Catching up on my blog reading, after launching Lent, a funeral, and the vagaries of parish life. PB – Thank you for making the video. We forget how much computers can do, especially in catching our faces and expressions as other people see us. I appreciate the language you used with regards to getting to know ourselves as characters in a play (caveats duly noted). I made a video while I was watching tv just to get a sense of my ‘unconscious’ face – and of course it’s amazing how much I wasn’t aware of! Now only to practice enough to be able keep an open and engaging (and patient) face during those meetings that go on forever – the equivalent of a final exam for developing a ministerial resting face! [Yes! Thanks for writing! – PB]