Hi, snow babies! PeaceBang is back from vacation and currently buried in thousands of feet of snow. She ventures forth only to hunt and eat vole or other small mammmals. And she wakes only to blog. She will not see her backyard until mid-June, probably (and that part is no joke) and the temperature is currently a balmy 11 degrees. She is ready to lose her damn mind.
But before she does, let’s talk about Affect Management, or what I also refer to as “governing yourself” when I’m feeling especially 17th century prim. The usage would be something like, “Charity, govern yourself appropriately when Master Carruthers walks by, or he’ll think ye a saucy wench!”
As public figures, we are often in a situation where we need to be sensitive to how we are arranging our features. Facial expression and muscular mobility are different for everyone, and some movie stars actually have no muscular mobility at all because they have injected their faces with too many units of Botox, poor dears. But you and I most likely have some degree of mastery over our facial expressions, and that is a huge part of how we communicate with people.
I would never suggest that any one of us monitor our own affect to the extent that it makes us paranoid, of course! I do think, however, that it is helpful that we consider our expression and our affect as part of our ongoing assessment (or part of our formation if we’re newbies). Some questions you might ask yourself: How am I coming across right now? Am I letting my face settle into a negative expression that may give the impression that I’m irritated, bored out of my gourd, or ready to throw my phone really hard at the wall? If so, how does that effect my ability to do good work here?
Is the sermon going on too long? Was the children’s message confusing? Did the soprano hit a sour note? GETCHYA GAME FACE ON, clergy! Don’t you dare show that in your expression!
I will never forget the comment I heard from a lovely and very dedicated church member about her congregation’s former minister, who was fired after a short and troubled tenure. “She was only animated at all when she was preaching. It’s like the only part of worship she was interested in was her own sermon.”
Wuh-oh.
Hey, it may be that this pator felt so discouraged by the frequent criticism of her — or perhaps the unexplained but consistent rejection — that she let it show on her face during Sunday mornings.
You know what?
Fake it ’til you make it!
Or just plain fake it. This is a calling, yes, and it is emotionally draining at times. But on a very prosaic level, it’s also your job to stay professionally engaged while at work.
We all know that BRF is a problem, but I want to remind you that Super Howdy Doody Fake Smiley Pastor Face is just as bad, and maybe even worse. I watched a documentary about sex trafficking last week or so that featured a really uncomfortable (to me) mash-up of real women being interviewed about having been involved in sex trafficking, with wide-eyed white celebrities hearing their stories and sharing their reactions on camera.
At one point, the cameras went to a women-run business and shelter for victims of sex trafficking and the semi-famous lady moviestar Ashley Judd popped up in the kitchen of the facility. I know Judd does a lot of humanitarian work and she may volunteer at the shelter, which is wonderful, and good for her for her efforts. But all the while the documentarian was focusing on the women telling their stories, Judd was in the near background of the shot nodding and dimpling and in every way calling attention to herself and her bubbling personality. It was a cringe-worthy spectacle not just because the moment was so not about her, but also because the women who were central to the moment and the story were women of color, so there was a layer of white privilege being practiced that made me angry. I was like, “Step back, white movie star, and let these amazing, non-famous women of color take center stage.”
Governing your affect means to be aware not only of your words, but your non-verbal communication, especially in terms of your facial expression. What you want is a good, pleasant Ministerial Resting Face, neither too hyper-smiley or blankly dour. Just as it genuinely helps your mood to smile when you’re not in the mood to do so, it may genuinely bring you to a nice ministerial place to settle your features in a good MRF.
Ta-ta, darlings!
Love, the Semi-Abominable Snowwoman
Thanks for this post. I have a very expressive face and was often called out in (two different) unit of CPE about expressing disapproval with my face. I’m certainly more aware of it now, but still struggle. Now, I have a trusted congregant who I’ve spoken to about it and asked him to keep an eye on it in board meetings. A few comments from him have gotten me back on track as I’ve adjusted to being in this community. Sometimes I’ve need someone else seeing me from afar to raise my awareness!
This is particularly important when one is tired, I was reminded yesterday. It has been a particularly long few weeks with not enough recharge time for me, and I arrived in church yesterday feeling WORN and RAGGED. It was the youth service so I had no particular duties other than to greet people and be present after the service.
I apparently walked in looking dour, which was not my intent, but I just didn’t have the energy to arrange my face, and forgot to take the time to force it into place. Which was the wrong answer. So I’m grateful for the church lady who said quietly “smile,” as I sat down next to her. And so I rearranged my face. Oopsy.
Great column describing an important, non-verbal way of doing ministry. I empathize with the earlier commentators as what I think instantly shows up on my face. For those of us without any theatrical training, any suggestions as to the hows of developing a Ministerial Resting Face?