Funeral Attire and Decorum

Once we’re on the television, my dears, it’s all public. It’s out there. So you may not like or approve of my criticism of this colleague, but she was on television and therefore is a part of the public record for clergy image. Someone was so appalled by her appearance that they snapped video footage on their iPhone and sent it to me. I have blurred out the minister’s face and the station identification for the news channel. This isn’t about one individual. It is an example that we can learn from.

I am going to simply list the issues here and try to keep my emotion out of it. I happen to be very close friends with many firefighters and with my own town’s Fire Chief, and the idea of someone showing up dressed like this at one of their funerals makes me sick at heart. Will Writers in London can help you protect what matters the most as life is uncertain. The first funeral I did in my current settlement was for the retired Fire Chief of my town. It was August and I wore a black suit. Being hot or uncomfortable was not a consideration. And that was a retired firefighter, not one killed in the line of duty. For God’s sake, it’s a fallen firefighter!

Okay, I obviously can’t keep my emotions out of this. Allons.

1. This look is inappropriately informal for a funeral, even if the minister is offering a reading and not presiding.
2. I cannot think of an occasion whereupon it would be appropriate to wear short-sleeved turquoise clericals to preside at a funeral. Maybe for someone who is an extreme free spirit whose cremated remains are being scattered in the forest or distributed into the wind from a boat. Certainly not on this occasion.
3. If the fire department can show up looking impeccable in uniform, so can we. Nothing about this outfit suggests professional uniform. It suggests casual day of ministry with a stole thrown on top.
4. Please know that showing up dressed so sloppily is a slap in the face of the fire department and the fire fighter that people will notice and not forget. We should all know this about para-military and military culture. To serve well in public ministry at such moments of gravity is to understand and respect the norms and expectations of the community and the moment. This attire shows a complete failure of understanding and respect.

5. As the person who sent me the clip said, this is the first time many of the Catholic fire fighters would be seeing an ordained woman on duty. That she is dressed so inappropriately reflects badly on women clergy. Like it or not, we have a representational function as well as a religious one.

That is all. I rant because I care.

22 Replies to “Funeral Attire and Decorum”

  1. I must add to your excellent observations, dear PeaceBang, that a stole is a liturgical garment to be worn with liturgical vestments, not something to be draped over street clothes — whether those clothes are appalling or tasteful. Suit and clericals only OR alb and/or chasuble with stole. This is not a mix-and-match situation. The analogy doesn’t completely work but this is not unlike wearing a wedding veil when dressed in jeans and T-shirt.

  2. Oh, honey, no. Funerals in general- but specifically any sort of paramilitary or military funeral- calls for a suit. I’m embarrassed by this.

  3. Thanks for the “para-military” language. It gives voice to something I know in my gut as a former Army chaplain but didn’t have words for. It also makes me think of a baptist preacher who designed a suit for herself, navy or black with a small cross stitched on the lapel or pocket. Collars and stoles were not part of her tradition. I thought it was an ingenious solution. I don’t know if she followed through.

  4. The white stole against the turquoise shirt seemed jarring. I had to look a second time to note that it had a clerical collar. With the white stole, I would have expected a black robe underneath, which would also have made the cross appear more visible. Male Methodist clergy of my childhood had a white shirt and tie visible beneath the robe. (What I am calling a robe resembles an academic gown worn at academic ceremonies. In fact, clergy with doctoral degrees wore robes with black velvet stripes on the sleeves.) [Yes, it is a robe. It’s a Geneva gown and is a classic preaching gown in the Protestant Reformation tradition. – PB]

  5. This is disgraceful. She also needs a good bra and some Spanx. I don’t mean to body shame but one can be heavy and not “sloppy fat.” I’m a fat woman myself (heavier than this woman, actually) and know that it’s possible to look dignified at any size. Tucking your shirt into your frumpy pants is not the way to do it. That’s why God made suits. This is Exhibit A in why we need this blog. Thanks, PeaceBang.

  6. I don’t have any quibbles with your comments. I think you’re spot on. I will say that if this leader comes from the same tradition as me, it’s probable that for the service itself she wore and alb (white robe) over her clothing along with a white stole (the appropriate liturgical color for the season of Easter). Such a look would be very appropriate. It does look like this picture was taken outside and I can imagine after a crowded service inside the church this woman was hot and may not have given careful though about how she would present herself at the graveside. Your comments are still on target. I’m just imagining a scenario in which I might make similar questionable decisions that effect how others regard me. Thanks for the helpful reminder.

  7. Of course, it’s also possible she serves in a low church tradition where it’s not unusual to see a stole over street clothes.

    In which case, a decent black blazer would have taken this out of “Oh honey no…” territory.

    I keep trying to imagine how this ensemble in this situation could have seemed like a good idea and the closest thing I can come up with was “person who was supposed to do the service had an emergency on the way to the funeral and this person stepped in but didn’t have time to change her shirt.” I somehow don’t think that’s what happened, though.

  8. The top looked like a t shirt to me. I agree with you PB and the comments above. Maybe she’s gotten so used to ceremonies they’re just like every day work so not needing special thought? I hope not.

  9. I keep thinking she must have gotten waylaid, perhaps to console someone or manage a last-minute issue, between taking off her robe or alb and grabbing her blazer. [That’s so kind of you. I highly doubt it. I have presided over dozens of funerals and some very complicated ones and NEVER have I been too distracted to change out of my robe into appropriate attire. – PB] This is where wrinkle-free shirts with shaping darts come in so handy. They do look a little uniform-ish and not fashion-forward at all, but if you’re caught without the top half of a suit, they still look sober and appropriate. Wrinkle free shirts aren’t cheap (sometimes the sticker price is $60-$80, though they do go on sale), but it might be worth the money to buy two or three, find someone to put the darts in the right places, and keep them handy for these kinds of emergencies. I’m a lay person, so I don’t have to worry about the clerical collar, and also I don’t want to go all judgmental. But wrinkle-free shirts are my go-to item when I’m living out of a suitcase and have to look appropriate on a moment’s notice. [That’s very generous of you. But everything about this outfit is unprofessional, not just the wrinkles. – PB]

  10. This brings something to mind for me. In my tradition (Lutheran), I precede the casket/carried urn out to the hearse or lead car. I’m in my alb and stole. Sometimes it’s a bit nippy or very very hot. Then, the local funeral directors have assured me that they will wait for me as I go in and change into my suit jacket, and, if it’s very cold, my black wool coat, etc before walking back out to the cars to proceed to the cemetery. Perhaps this pastor doesn’t have that arrangement with the funeral directors, or didn’t know to ask? Or, perhaps the cemetery adjoins the church, and they all walk over. I’ve often wondered about that–some of my clergy friends walk to the cemetery in their albs and just wash them later…..
    [Interesting… but no excuse. It doesn’t require an arrangement with the funeral directors to know how to pre-arrange a suit jacket in the same place one hangs up her alb and stole. If she had worn one in the first place, she would have taken it off when she robed, right? Then where was it when she disrobed? Nowhere. Because she thought this outfit would be okay. And it isn’t. And even with a suit jacket — TURQUOISE CLERICALS!?? – PB]

  11. This outfit is horribly inappropriate for a funeral where Class A uniforms are being worn. It’s much too casual for the occasion; as another reader pointed out, it looks like this minister is wearing a tee shirt. Realizing that many funerals are now re-branded as ” Celebrations of Life”, where brighter, less somber colors are the fashion, I’m going to state my personal preference of a suit and clerical shirt of a darker color.At the very least an ensemble where all the clothing elements are monochrome could have been worn for a more polished and professional look.

    Peace Bang truly needs to consider writing a book on clergy etiquette and appearance in the near future.

  12. Turquoise? Seriously? It is totally inappropriate for a funeral…IMHO

    I have done a number of funerals at my current appointment. I always wear a collar and a jacket even on the hottest of summer days. If the funeral home people can take the heat in a jacket so can I. I also want to appear professional and dignified as people pay their final respects to the deceased. I serve in a rural area so it is not at all unusual for people to come to the funeral and then the cemetery in blue jeans. Doesn’t mean I should or would.

    I hope that there is some explanation that all of us have overlooked for how she dressed. I just can’t figure out what it might be. Peacebang…all your points are right on the mark.

  13. When my granduncle (beloved esp since I had no grandparents for decades by then) was buried at a Veterans cemetery in Dallas on Memorial Day, I wore a sleeveless black cotton clergy shell, and a black lightweight polyester suit that could take sweat without buckling and no stockings. And sweat rolled down my legs like I was peeing. [Oh Lord, yes. The pouring sweat. My worst case was preaching an ordination in late August, Harrisburg, PA. When I was done my cotton skirt was soaking wet and sticking to me in very inappropriate ways. – PB]

  14. Even if this were appropriate under a suit jacket on this occasion, which it isn’t: how could this be a photo taken between taking her robe off and putting her suit jacket on? In my entire career, the number of times I took off my robe, LEFT ON MY STOLE and switched to a jacket is zero.

  15. a polyester alb (not the most comfortable, but won’t get transparent or as clingy when wet) is a lifetime solution to this problem and costs 100% or less and is machine washable.

  16. i know i am coming late to the party.
    so i just want to agree with you PB and every one else.

    i am not even a minister yet, i am a worship associate.
    but i know that when i am on the pulpit in any capacity i am representing
    the Divine. to that end, i dress for the part.
    always. always.

    erika [welcome to the party and thanks for writing! xoxo – PB]

  17. Because I care, I offer a list of times when it is appropriate to criticize how someone else dresses.

    1. Never

    [Oh, Dan, it must be so hard to live in a world where women don’t give a s**** what you think. And so because *I* care, I offer a list of times when it is appropriate to enter a space where important conversations have been happening for a decade and made a huge impact on clergy self-understanding about image in the 21st century: NEVER. – PB]

  18. I agree with all of your comments. As a retired military member still serving on active reserve status and as a clergy member of our police & fire departments I am appalled at how people in general dress these days for both weddings and funerals. There is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCUSE this clergy can make to justify her appearance at this funeral. (Except if she had been suddenly asked to step in.) Even then, keeping a neutral colored cleric shirt and a black jacket handy in her office or car would eliminate this problem. That’s what I do both at my church office and at my office at our local university where I also am a campus minister. Then I am ALWAYS PREPARED. Especially since I do not wear a cleric shirt and dress clothes when on campus unless meeting with the facility or administration people and am usually in very informal clothes, aka jeans and sweat/tee shirts. In a profession that Is still relatively new to females, people have many reservations about women clergy and this woman’s appearance has made us all look bad.

  19. I believe that a clergy should always wear a suit when officiating weddings, funerals, chairing a church service or any other religious event. WeRing a suit I feel is a matter of respect to everyone attending the event the family and let’s not forget respect for yourself. Those who don’t like to wear suits or for other reasons cannot wear a suit my suggestion would be to wear a robe. Appearance does matter. Just my thoughts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *