Sweetlings, in this heat NO woman should be wearing pantyhose. I haven’t worn hose for many years, choosing to fake tan my legs, wear skirts of a modest length and cut, and to REBEL AGAINST THE PATRIARCHY. Because seriously, no living animal needs to have the lower half of her body encased in nylon on a hot day unless she is heading straight indoors for a highly formal occasion in central air-conditioning.
If you’re a pasty-white lady, fake tans are easy to obtain. Here is a little video showing a young lass applying spray tan to her legs. The sound quality is bad, but she explains that you want to shower, shave, exfoliate and dry off well before applying one of the many spray or lotion tanning formulas. She is right. She is also smart to put down a towel and to apply the product in a well-ventilated area.
Use a circular motion when applying any kind of tanning product, and keep the product moving on your skin. Don’t oversoak or overapply, and make sure to wash your hands well with soap and warm water after you finish. I also take a cotton round soaked in witch hazel and wipe off my ankles and heels so that they don’t get orangey (carefully covering those spots with lotion beforehand is another way to protect against the dreaded Oompa Loompa Effect).
Let the product dry well before putting on clothes, and — and this is IMPORTANT — don’t go anywhere where you’re going to sweat or get wet for two hours. I well remember spray tanning before a church service and not leaving the requisite two hours for the product to set (or, for the toxins to soak into my skin, let’s be honest). I wound up with bizarre streaks all over my legs by coffee hour, and it was just a little bit distracting, as in it caused hearty laughter among those who noticed it.
This is my favorite product, L’Oreal Sublime Bronze. These formulas have improved a lot over the years. We still can’t find a cure for the common cold or for cancer, but by Golly, we can figure out how to get nice-looking fake tans! And I call that progress!
If you’re going to go out with bare legs, no matter what you skin color, please make sure that your skin is smooth and healthy-looking. Lotion up. Find a spray-on oil if you have really dry skin, and take time to rub it in well. Dudes, if you must wear shorts, make sure your skin is also smooth and not flaking dry. And everyone, remember that dry, cracked heels are an abomination unto the Lord. PeaceBang was SO happy to see two gentlemen getting a pedicure the last time she went for one. Please do not inflict horribly callousy, disgusting caveman feet on innocent people.
Urea is the answer!! Cracked heel cream turns cracks deep enough to look red into soft, smooth skin, despite sandal-wearing for weeks.
But- what about trousers? Cover the leg as tight as you like, cool, no need for beautiful skin.