Royal Wedding

I’m so happy for these crazy kids!

No, seriously, I am!
I remember Princess Di’s big wedding, which I didn’t care about. I didn’t like the couple — they seemed badly mismatched, and Di always bugged the bahoodie out of me with her coy silent film star looks. I always felt terrible for Charles, whose adoration of Camilla P-B was well known even back then.

But Kate and Will met at college and they seem like good buds as well as lovers. Kate is lots of fun to watch and I have to LOVE A GIRL WHO LOVES HER HATS and fascinators!!

This wedding is going to be a total fashion hootenany and you know PeaceBang loves that. Also, tiaras! Tiaras, people!

All you Episcopalians should particularly enjoy this spectacle of royal marriage, as of course it was all this monarchical monkeying around that birthed your religion back in the day. Woot, Piskies!

I’m telling you, darlings, my DVR is going to be working overtime to get all the goods from “Lifetime” Channel. I’m already madly in love with that celebrity chef — what’s her name? — who keeps explaining with great enthusiasm how Kate and Wills are breaking with tradition by having a champagne and canape reception after the ceremony instead of at night. Or something. Listen, pigeons, I’m just in this for the hats. I can’t keep anything else about it straight.

Formal wear! Royal deportment! Who’s going to be totally tacky and show too much bosom? Who will have the most fab tiara? Which prince is going to look the hottest in uniform? Who will win the prize for most Insane Chapeau? Ugliest Pastel MOB Suit?

I cannot wait. Who’s with me? C’mon, admit it! Put on that big, fake sapphire you got on QVC and let’s watch together!