When I told the funeral director today that I would quickly change out of my robe and into a coat before we walked across the street for the graveside ceremony, he kind of rolled his eyes and said “You’re wearing a coat?”
I’m not sure what that was all about (he’s not my local funeral director, who is always terrific to work with) but I firmly replied, “Yes. It’s cold out.”
But I had another reason for wanting to change from vestments into an overcoat: it was a windy day today and I didn’t want my hair blowing in my face as I spoke. So — ah, such a clever lady! — along with my coat, I donned a hat. No easier or neater way to keep ze hair out of ze eyes and mouth, my darlings!
My coat is brown wool and ties at the waist. The hat was brown velvet with a brim and pulls down firmly over the ears. It totally managed the hair, which is what it’s for.
oh lord, i am such a meatball in this coat! but i love it because it buttons at the neck and keeps me warm!
oh hi, what else would i have to do on a saturday night but take photos of myself at home?
Not a bad idea to find a suitable chapeau for your own cold or windy-day graveside ceremonies, boys and girls.
Pictures please!
yes, picture, we need pictures!!!
It totally embarrasses me to do so, but for you, my Pigeons, I will tolerate the blush! I HATE how I look in coats — such a meatball!!
so how does the hair look at the lunch after the funeral? do you keep the hat on? tie the hair back? i have short hair that i wear poufy, and it would totally flatten out, unrepairably, i fear.
oh PB, you are a darling, meatbally or not!! we love ya and i hope you know it!
[Thanks, Carol, ’cause I’m feeling like a mighty mighty Halloween-candy-munchin’ meatball today and I needed a kind word. Bless yer heart. So, the hair. I do look for hats with silk linings because they don’t squash the ‘do. That helps. Another idea is to make sure that you have a bit of volumizing product — check the archives for recommendations –worked through after blow-drying for lift, and a tiny drop of smoothing serum for shine. I know it sounds like a lot but on “public” days, I just plain need three or four products because my hair is thick and fine with a lot of wave in it. If anyone beyond staff is going to be seeing me, I use a Redken spray volumizer before drying and a bit of Sebastian Creme Clay Modeler in my hair after drying. If I’m just writing at home and popping into church incognito, I don’t bother with anything. I only shampoo and blow day every second or third day, btw. – PB]
I like the hat! Perfectly appropriate,too.
Yep! We need something that isn’t the walk in the woods on Saturday kind of thing.
I have a wonderful black cape with a hood. Works very well for those less than wonderful weather events. Doesn’t squash the hair. Wraps over and around and looks nice too. [Wow, that sounds dramatic and beautiful! – PB]
I also add a white stole at the graveside (I usually wear red for the church service celebration )for the very brief moments we’re there.
Hands are usually bare at graveside….but bitter weather sometimes invites lightweight black Isotoners.
The lunch afterward? I usually feel like I’m in a kind of pastoral nether zone – not actively ministering, not family, not personal friend. For hours, sometimes. Unless it’s a reception at my church, I find a nice way to decline.
PB you look completely adorable in your hat – and always professional. I had been advised recently that women over 50 should never wear hats in public.(or wear sleeves shorter than elbow length – but that’s another topic!)Can you share your thoughts on chapeaux for the mature pastor?
I am surprised the Funeral Director questioned your putting on a coat for the committal- my fave FD chastises me for forgetting boots!
I have a cape, too. Its black wool, heavy as heck and makes me look like a member of the Hogwarts faculty, but its warm and I can just throw it on over my vestments. I used to wear it while greeting people at the door in my old church, which didn’t have a heated narthex. They’re kind of expensive new, but you can usually find one on ebay. [I feel that we should have some photos of this. It sounds lovely. – PB]
Oh my goodness! I am going to have to quit reading this blog if you are going to say that “over 50s” don’t get to wear hats in public. What?!?!
Is that so old women catch their deaths of cold and shuffle off this mortal coil, leaving the world to younger members of the gender/species? How old is this “source”?
Does he/she think 50 is OLD?
Or that OLD is fashion death sentence?
Say it isn’t so, PeaceBang! Say it isn’t so!
@ “cindy, really” – I don’t think PB said that about hats over 50, “Kathryn Phillips” said she was told that recently and is asking for *other* advice from PB!
I have no idea where that came from — and as the grandmother of a milliner, I am for LIFE LONG WEARING OF HATS!! I mean, what the heck???
Woo hoo! I’m saved!
[Oh ye of little faith! – PB]
My sister-in-law, whose background is in textiles, tried for years to get me to spend $450 for a cape. In summer 2007 she tried again and I said, “Ah, yes, Wyoming winter interments,” and got one. It’s lovely, andI’m still glad to have it in Colorado.
I love the discussion line here!
Adding my earlier comment – For non-funeral cold days on the church portico after services….a parishioner gave me a stunning floor sweeping soft bright red wool cape to go over my vestments. I also have a black velvet – full length like the red. Such fun this chancel prancing outdoors!
Hats? Love ’em but not on a Sunday greeting after church…. other times? No problem…and I, alas, am over 50 – even over 60. No short sleeves for me.
I have a perfectly nice, black trench coat and if needed a dark hat. It is cold and windy in Nebraska.
I usually don’t wear a robe for funerals, just a nice dark, conservative suit, usually pants, sometimes a skirt. It’s a habit I picked up from my internship pastor.
I always try to check on the family during the funeral lunch, make sure they get something to eat, don’t spend the entire time on their feet.
At my father’s funeral, the most overwhelming part for me was the reception. When people I hadn’t laid eyes on in 25 years started coming in, that was it, stick a fork in me, I was done. So I try to look out for that with families.
I’m doing a graveside service today and for that I will wear a black cassock and (stylish) purple stole.
And thermal underwear. It’s freezing.