Oh my dear ones,
I sigh with the doldrums. I have a cold (regular sinus flushings with the Neti pot is doing wonders but I still feel weary as Heck) and wish I had all the energy I need to get spiritually snazzed up for the idea of Holy Week and other exciting upcoming adventures in religious community. And I confess: because I am tired and cranky in that special female way, I just ate about 1200 worth of calories for lunch. Which makes me feel truly lousy, lousy, lousarino. I know the emotional reason for it, too: I saw photographs of myself taken yesterday wherein I look very very large, dieting seems futile. Too much discipline, slow results, bla bla bla, complain, moan, gripe.
Here’s what happened. I attended the Installation of a dear friend yesterday, wearing a very comfortable dress that I truly believed looked good on me. It’s a big, wild print and because I think that tying dresses in the back is a great way to highlight serious yantitas,* I thought I’d do something cute and smocky and tie the dress in the front instead. When I wore the dress to church last week everyone loved it! I’ve lost close to 20 lbs. since December so I thought I wouldn’t pull a Large Marge in it. (“Pulling a Large Marge” in PeaceBang’s parlance is when an Abundantly Figured Gal dresses in such a way as to unintentionally accentuate her volume — and since busy prints can often create this effect, PeaceBang should have known better).
I saw the photos and in three simple words, I am HORR-I-FIED.
So in addition to having a cold that’s worn me out, I have evidence that I’m far from svelte even though I’m fitting back into clothes that haven’t been buttoned around my girth for two years. There I was feeling so proud until I saw those photos.
We call this Extremely Unnecessary Beating Up Of the Self and I know that, but I am devoted to sharing with you the good, the bad, and the ugly, my sweets. All I can say is, busy prints do NOT MAKE FOR FLATTERING PHOTOS.
Also, I desperately need a haircut because no one needs hair that just sits on one’s head like a limp eel. I have now officially become my own Fashion Emergency. It’s back to solid colors for me, that’s for sure!!! Because I DO have a waist, God as my witness I do!
Anyone else care to come forward with a testimonial about a recent fashion misstep? Perhaps it will be cathartic if we all share together. If not, feel free to take guilty pleasure in my sartorial bomb-out.
*Mexican slang for “rolls of fat,” or what SweetieBang now refers to as “empanadas”
First off I think your hair is cute, and you are too lovely to be so hard on yourself!
But yes dear PB I’ve had my fashion horror moments as well, and mine were published for all the world to see. EEEK.
You see, I went visiting at a seminary I am considering. I had to fly out of my cold state at 6AM to fly to a warm and sunny state. I wore jeans, and a t-shirt, and a little brown zip up sweatshirt/jacket that I SWEAR looked cute and funky when I bought it. I SWEAR.
Well I saw the pics on the seminary’s website last week. I look horrific dear PB, you would be so ashamed of me. I look like I threw on whatever without caring, I look like a 17 year old college student on the weekend not a professional considering another degree!
The next day I wore a nice 3/4 length sleeve dress shirt, more tailored jeans, and little healed boots. The pics from the next day are a world of difference.
Sometimes we need that photographic horror story don’t we? (Though I’d have rather my evidence not be there for anyone to see!) And yes, I need to get my hair cut as well.
Tandaina
(the photographically shamed)
I’m just going to remind you of what you surely already know: everyone who loves you, LOVES you. It doesn’t matter what you weigh, or – it’s true! – what you wear on a particular day. I saw that photo and while I don’t get the tie in the front thing, YOU look great. The smile on your face is so “I feel wonderful!” I’m so glad you weren’t wearing that expression that reads “Ohhelpmejesus- doesthisdressmakemelookfat?”
I had that same feeling you did when I saw photos of myself from my 30th birthday party and I’d worn a vertical striped sundress that I thought made me look thinner. Not. I almost cried until I remembered there were almost 50 people at my party!!!
As for fashion mishaps, I’ve had so many lately, as my clothes aren’t fitting me so well anymore.
Last week I went out wearing a stretchy, faded, grey knit skirt (that stops at the calves) with very scuffed calf-height, flat black boots, a shiny new empire waist, hip length blouse, and a round, polyester (fuzzy) hat. I looked like a trash can. The hat esp. was a bad choice.
Ok, remember at the dinner last year, when you reached over, grasped a bit of my hair and said that I *REALLY* *MUST* *DO* *SOMEHTHING* *WITH* *THAT* *HAIR*?
Still looks like that. [OMG, did I really? This is like a roast! I love it!! – PB]
CC
I was once reviewing a friend’s slide show of a baccalaureate gathering. In one, I saw a man I knew, speaking to a woman, with her back to the camera, who, I thought to myself, had awfully unattractive streaky-blond hair and an unusually large and poorly dressed posterior.
I asked the slide-showing friend–a fellow pastor–who the woman was, wanting to learn names of people in the congregation. He looked quizzically at me and said, “Well, that’s you!” It was mortifying, made me repent of all past and future snotty thoughts about appearances, and made me resolve to fix at least the hair… (This was 5 years ago, and I’m still working on the posterior.)
Could be worse, it could be a picture in your church’s pictorial directory.
Unfortunately my picture involved an alb with a cincture that made my butt look HUGE! The communion table can only hide so much.
I think this is the sartorial equivalent of revealing our own spiritual struggles to our congregations, PB. I already saw those photos on facebook, and I echo what others have said: you look cute, you look glowingly happy for Rali, and so what about the flower print? Consider it a cautionary tale for the rest of us if you’d like — but just know that I will no longer cower behind doors at GA out of fear that you will mock me from a Throne of Perfection. : ) Not that you’re the mock-from-a-throne type, but that’s the level of intimidation that’s possible when our leaders don’t mess up once in a while.
I’m also feeling much better about my “special female time” dinner last night, which consisted of…oh, let’s just say that it involved 3 kinds of ice cream. But I believe that we get two free passes a month — at least — in deference to our chemistry.
The way you are positioned relative to the camera may hide your waist, and make your figure look thicker. Your arm at just that angle hides your waist and adds your arm (visually) to the diameter of your torso.
The dress may not be your best (small busy prints make everyone look bigger– that’s why they are best for small children. The same object looks bigger when beside something small, and smaller when beside something big. Classic optical illusion).
However, despite the dress, you are still beautiful. I see a wonderful smile, lovely skin, bright eyes, and the gorgeous color of your hair. And those of us who have met you know that you also have a great voice and a delightful laugh, as well as sharp wit, deep understanding, and a warm heart. I do not know anyone who is more beautiful than you, and I know many beautiful people.
If you ever get to the point where you can notice “Extremely Unnecessary Beating Up Of the Self” and then actually STOP it (without resorting to escaping into a book or focusing on doing something for someone else) please let me know. It would be a relief.
I have been a fashion emergency daily for about a week and a half. Being sick, I’ve lost the muscles I had built up, become all flabby and nothing fits. I caught a glimpse of myself in jeans and a loose t-shirt yesterday and—shudder– immediately took them off and put on a skirt and more fitted cardigan because it was just too dreadful. The tenting effect from the t-shirt (where it looks like your waist is the same circumference as your bosom, because the shirt just hangs straight down) combined with the now saggy under the rear jeans was not pretty.
And if you’re sick and feel dreadful anyway, it’s better to at least feel like you look okay. You do.
Yes, my dear, the dress looks unflattering in that photo. Perhaps that is not the way you prefer your hair. But your face is glowing and happy and you have a wonderful smile.
We just spent a weekend with friends in Death Valley and they all took pictures. What I learned from my photos is that, apparently, I spend entire evenings with the face of a cartoon character. My pics are all wrinkled nose, goggle eyes, creased forehead, mouth agape. I look happy, but totally goofy, in every one. I swear, my ears were moving in one of the pictures.
What’s even worse is that my wedding pictures look just like that, just in a really beautiful black and white dress and fancy-schmancy hairdo. I wore a teensy little tiara and it sits sweetly above my flared nostrils and big teeth.
So, change your dress, cut your hair, and maintain your weight goals, and be glad that you don’t need facial plastic surgery!
-Louise, who wishes to be the sophisticated, beautiful one but is content to settle for goofily happy
Woman, you are SICK. Your body is fighting an illness. It needs energy to do so. And while we all know that you have enough energy normally to run the Eastern Seaboard Power Grid, you need more to fight off the dreaded ick.
And yes! Yes! Look at that calendar! TWO WEEKS until the biggest shindig of the Christian year! Your body’s going to be under even more stress, and if you do not take care of yourself now, you will be sicker longer! We do not want a sick PeaceBang on Easter!
Repeat after me: Calories are fuel. Fuel makes the body-machine go. There. Is. No. Such. Thing. As. Bad. Food.
You look lovely! Perhaps your standards are way too high — could that be possible?
You know, the camera adds ten to fifty pounds depending on all the angles, lighting, backgrounds, etc. Here is proof: a petite size 2 cousin of mine somehow ended up looking tall and size 14 in a family photo, which got sent to every friend and relative by cousin’s new mother-in-law, beause mother-in-law thought she looked healthy and beautiful! Better to look beautiful rather than gaunt, too skinny and fragile, in my opinion.
Yes, you did.
And you were totally right.
CC
I hear you. I beat myself up too over the same things.
BUT. I think you look gorgeous. You look like someone I would want to dance with!!!
oh my dear PB,
one thing I’ve learned in my time on this spinning sphere called Earth, when you’re sick, nothing looks right to your eyes.
you, my friend, will never never be a Large Marge. Your personality will always make up for any faux-paux you might make.
when you feel better, you will feel better.
You know, the first time I saw a photo of you, I thought “she is made for photographs.”
And I could see you were a woman of some stature- it wasn’t me being all fooled by magical picture tricks (this angle, that light… yeah, I have tried ’em all).
Thing is, you have a je ne sai quois that lends itself to gorgeous. Plus your face is what, I believe in 1940’s musicals would be referred to as “a knockout.”
I echo the comments of your admirers who were at the event — you glowed. Sorry to say, I don’t remember noticing the outfit (sartorial blind spot?). My worst faux pas so far have been to fall in love with outfits that are purple, flowing and make me look like a gracious Barney the Dinosaur. I can’t cure myself, that’s what my teenage daughters are for.