Trend Spot: Heavy Lip Gloss on “Oprah”

I love Oprah. I think Oprah is the Bomb. I am totally co-dependent with Oprah. I watch her while I’m on the treadmill and if she’s looking a little bit pudgy I think, “Oh, Oprah’s gained a little bit of weight back. I hope she’s not getting down on herself. She’s SO ADORABLE.” I actually fret for her.

I love how Oprah dresses. Whereas Ellen DeGeneres is all “I’m a hilarious sporty gal wearing totally sporty, casual stuff to make you feel right at home here in my studio audience,” Oprah is all, “I’m going to put on just a little bit of bling and elegance because I know my audience deserves someone to dress up for THEM once in awhile.” Watch how, as she gets a little heavier, her eyelashes get bigger and longer, and her eyeliner thicker. I’m serious. Oprah’s a genius when it comes to scale and cut. She knows that gaining ten pounds warrants MORE glam, not less, and carefully fitted garments, not shapeless garments from Omar the Tentmaker.

But I have one eensy beensy complaint. I think that when we’re doing a show on domestic abuse, the make-up artists on the show could be a little more judicious with the lip gloss, which currently looks as though they’re trowelling it on. As a result, these women’s poignant and enlightening stories are being upstaged by their big GLOSSY LEEPS, and that’s not right. There’s Oprah presiding with globs of gloss. Her interviewee is dripping with the stuff. The prosecutor who sent her abuser to prison for 36 years (I’d like to buy that gal a beer sometime) is also suspiciously uber-shiny, as though someone backstage said, “Sweetie, you’re going to be on camera, let me shine you up.”

PeaceBang is an admitted lip gloss addict but she does think that in this case, too much of good thing is a bit much. When someone is telling an important story to a national audience I certainly want them to feel confident and camera-ready, but if the make-up artists don’t cool it I’m going to have to suggest an Oprah episode called “Gloss Abuse: You CAN Get Help.”