Pedicure Etiquette

Happy Fourth of July, pigeons! PeaceBang has a wicked headache today and is refraining from patriotic pomp in favor of unpacking and grocery shopping. She hopes that you’re dong something delightful involving s’mores and flag-waving. Remember, we still have every reason to be proud to be Americans! Right? … Right? Um… right?

Heather writes,

“I am having a pedicure this weekend. I’ve had one before and I ended up having a very stressful time. The woman doing my nails in a nail salon near me asked what I do, “Can I lie?”, I thought. I didn’t and apparently female clergy or clergy in general weren’t her thing. It set her off a bit. This time, I am going to a new places but want to avoid the whole religious conversation. Is it rude to bring a book or magazine to read?”

Dear Heather,

PeaceBang totally understands what you are describing here. Why, just last week she was sitting at a lovely bar in Yachats, OR having a marionberry daiquiri and watching the Sox game when a very attractive, moderately drunk, mouthy man sitting next to her engaged her in conversation. For awhile it was fun and innocently flirtatious and enjoyable until he asked the inevitable question, “So, what do you do?”

PeaceBang, who actually did have a book with her, hesitated before answering. She was tempted to say, “I’m a teacher,” or “I’m a counselor” or “I’m a public speaker” or “I’m a writer,” or “I’m a community organizer” –none of which would have been lies, but she chose to reveal the truth. “I’m a minister,” she said, dumb bunny that she is. And just as you describe, the conversation went veering right into the Land of Hostile Projections. Suddenly my barstool neighbor fancied himself a great moralist and swerved right from banal flirtation into territory usually covered by the nightly Fox News: the worthiness of the war in Iraq, Bush’s great mighty leadership skills, the importance of fighting terrorists “over there so we don’t have to fight them over here,” etc.

Did it make any difference to this man that I turned my body as far away from him as is possible without actually turning my back on him? Did it matter to him that I was responding not with words but with the occasional neutral “mmm-hmm” and glazed eyes? Oh, no. Boyfriend was on a TEAR. He was on the same tear that seems to come upon 98% of the general population when they learn what we do, and that is to fling upon us every issue they have with religion, every unmet need of their hearts, every abuse ever suffered at the hands of another clergyperson, and every bizarre fantasy they have about what religious leaders must really be like. Perhaps your pedicurist and my bar boyfriend should meet?

But I digress, cupcake. Thank you for bearing with me while I shared the Night of the Living Marionberry Daiquiri, an incident that has bothered me lo this past ten days. You asked a direct question, and now I shall answer it directly.

As someone who gets regular pedicures, this is how I feel about it:

1. It’s a stinky job, and so it’s our responsibility to make the person giving the pedi feel cherished and appreciated as possible. Introduce yourself, say hello, make some friendly conversation before you settle in with your magazine or book. Do NOT talk on the cell phone without asking permission — what could make a person laboring on your callouses feel more invisible? And keep it brief. I hate when women talk on their phone when someone is working on their feet. It’s a visceral thing: it just puts me in mind of slavery.

2. Don’t hesitate to give direction, but be very pleasant about it (e.g., “I really like my toenails short, so please go ahead and cut them down!”). Language is often a barrier — it is my experience that many nail technicians are fairly recent arrivals from Southeast Asia and don’t speak much English yet — if you’re having communication issues, the owner may help translate.

3. Pick a color that you’re pretty sure you’ll like, but if you want to test it first, make sure your pedicurist knows you’re testing. Don’t wait until a whole foot is done before venturing your opinion that you hate it. But do make sure you’re happy with the color since you’ll be living with it for a long time.

4. If you’re reading a book or mag, you can still look up and smile or make the occasional comment like “that looks/feels great, thank you.” I always close my eyes and put down my book when they’re doing the leg massage. I find that my “aaah” noises result in my getting a much longer and more thorough massage than those broads who just sit there like mannequins reading their latest Vogue.

5. Be careful getting in and out of the chair and drying area. Bring flip flops so you don’t have to come back crying with a huge gouge or smudge in an hour (I’ve done it, I ‘fess).

6. Tip at least 20% and if the service is good, more. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, if you want to build a loyal self-care team (hair, massage, nails, etc.), treat these people like family. Give them gifts at the holidays, big tips, and lots of affection. Anyone who is doing for us what we either cannot or do not want to do for ourselves is a great boon. Budget in your appreciation in the form of tips whenever you go for a treatment.

7. Don’t feel obligated to share any personal information on the first or second visit. If your pedicurist asks, it’s fine to simply say that you’re a “caregiver” and leave it at that. If your hair stylist asks, tell them the truth and then add, “That’s why I came to you — because I knew you could help me create a more dynamic, contemporary look than the one I’ve got” or “That’s what I came to you — because I’m feeling kind of frumpy in the pulpit and I want to walk out of here looking more like a stylish leader.” Which is to say, sometimes you can avoid the Marionberry Daiquiri Situation, and sometimes you need to be honest.
Massage therapists and other professional healers and bodyworkers also need to know, because you do carry the burdens of ministry in your body and they need to be hip to that.
But a pedicurist just needs to know what color and shape you want your toenails, and that you appreciate her scrubbing and softening your tootsies.