Category: Self Care

Oh, my puff pastries. PeaceBang has just viewed some photographs from her recent trip to Guatemala, and the evidence is IN: she has gone decidedly beyond the bounds of zaftig into the territory of Just Plain Fat.

PeaceBang knew this was coming. She gleefully ate her way through Spain last January and spent last winter and spring frequenting the new barbecue joint in town and cooking up all manner of delicious delights. She ate with impunity all summer, chowing up a storm in Canada and at home, feasting and frolicking with abandon. She worked out very little this fall, and went on the Entirely Cheese and Bread Diet around Christmastime, a difficult regime immediately following the gustatory excesses of Thanksgiving. She ate fondue, she ate salmon and cream cheese bagels, and then she ate so much cheese in Guatemala that she actually swore off the stuff, all until a beautiful Vermont cheddar called her name just last week.

But all good things come to an end. PeaceBang is going to join Weight Watchers and endure the peppy cheerleadery motivational talks of the leader so that she can get weighed in (like a truck, as an old friend used to say) and pay for the privilege of being reminded that one serving of protein is the size of her hand, not her head.

Goodbye, SmartFood! Goodbye, whole containers of Pad Thai! You always were my favorite comfort food! Goodbye, 11 pm sandwiches, and buffalo wings! Hello, portion control, elliptical crosstrainer, and herbal tea. I will try to embrace you with mature forbearance and not have temper tantrums when my Wiser Self tells me that 4 sushi rolls is too much for one meal.

*sob!*

I don’t suppose any of you out there are trying to reduce? Let’s e-mail each other with inspiring bits!

Happiest of healthy, faithful and beautiful new years to you, my darling powder pigeons!!

It being the first day of a new calendar year and all, it would be a great idea to take a long bath (not too hot or you’ll wind up all dried out) in some lovely bubbles, and exfoliate all the skin you’re in.

PeaceBang uses Body Shop Coconut Exfoliating Scrub and recommends it, but there are many products out there, or just a scrubby loofah will do.

This is more than merely cosmetic. Your skin is the largest organ of elimination in (on?) your bod. By ridding yourself of dead skin cells, you help detoxify. So get at those callouses on the feet (a major energy center) with a pumice, and don’t forget your back and neck.

Give yourself a nice facial masque at the same time (PeaceBang loves the Tourmaline Radiance Masque by Aveda) and a hair moisturizing treatment (Carol’s Daughters makes a beautiful, all organic one).

When you’re done soaking and scrubbing your person, rinse off in tepid water and dry yourself with a big fluffy towel. Slather yourself in a rich body creme, paying special attention to elbows and feet, and wrap your silky body in something pure cotton.

Tell your beloved that you’ll be having naked worship in your bedroom, and only he or she is invited. Tell ’em PeaceBang sent you. That’s good for you too, you know. Body and soul. Just be sure to turn off the phone.

(The nude is by Edward Weston)

How are we today, my little candy canes? Are our shoulders hunched up around our ears yet, as we step into the first Sunday in Advent?

PeaceBang’s certainly were, as she has a 20-page paper due on Tuesday and a 7-page paper due later in the same blessed week. She is just a wee bit twitchy just about now, so today she decided to get out in the sunshine to take a walk, and she called a local spa and begged for a massage appointment (they were very nice about it and got me right in).

PeaceBang is a big fan of massage and was so relaxed she fell asleep on the table under the ministrations of one Jennifer With Very Strong Hands.

It was kind of like this, except in a much smaller, darker room. I also did not have my raven tresses splayed glamorously out on a pillow — mostly because I don’t have raven tresses — and for some reason there wasn’t a hot guy hanging out in the pool. Probably because there wasn’t a pool.

PeaceBang instructed Jennifer to hurt her — using a meat tenderizer, if necessary — and as a result, PeaceBang is looking forward to that pleasant soreness tomorrow morning. She’s drinking a lot of water now to FLUSH THE TOXINS from her body. That’s what they always say to do, so I’m doing it.

PeaceBang is so fine and dandy just about now that she’s not even mad about being kept on hold for ten minutes by Bank of America Platinum Plus Visa card, whose web site is so terribly disorganized and whose customer service is so lousy that she’s cancelling her account.

For a healthy glow and a happy body, let someone rub you the right way this Advent! If you can’t get to a spa for financial or geographic reasons, hand your honey a meat tenderizer and tell him or her where to bang on ya!

PeaceBang was on her way to dreamland but she got an EMERGENCY e-mail from a beautiful, talented and faithful reader about a BUMPY EYEBROW situation, and she had to write to her reader and then to post immediately!

PeaceBang is going to let you all in on a little secret: she is afflicted with a skin condition that flares up at the most inopportune moments. Christmas Eve, say, or when she’s going to host a brunch for her Ex and his brand new, skinny and gorgeous wife.

This skin flare up is nothing more exotic than the same virus that gives most people cold sores around their mouth, only PeaceBang gets the blisters on either side of her NOSE, which is where the virus took up residence many, many years ago and re-afflicts her once every few months. The dermatologist thinks that repeated sunburning of that part of the skin over many years may have made it more susceptible to blistering, or maybe PeaceBang just plain made that up.

Anyway, out of her personal experience with Hideous Facial Disfigurement,* PeaceBang offers you,

How To Remain Poised and Polished Even When Hideously Facially Disfigured:

1. At the first signs of bumps and redness, ice. ICE, ICE, BABY. Ice is a winner. It’s free, it’s effective, it’s nature’s great remedy. Ice is your go-to first step for any inflammation.

2. Do not obsess about your hideous facial disfigurment. The truth is, no one really notices it very much.

3. Keep your hands very clean and keep them away from your face. Wash and make up your mug in the morning and LEAVE IT ALONE. The Hideous Facial Disfigurement that no one can really see will be totally invisible in a few days. Stop fussing with it and let it heal. Above all, no squeezing, poking, rubbing, itching or using masques on irritated skin. You’ll just make matters worse.

4. Keep out of the sun, and if you have something even remotely contagious, use your own towels and don’t kiss anyone or share food or utensils. Cold sores are contagious, dumplings. Watch pillow cases, too.

5. Aloe vera gel is a good topical ointment for lots of bumpy and irritated skin conditions. Abreve is also pretty good for cold sores, but they do just need to run their course and Hideously Disfigure you for a few days.

6. If you are male, there’s no reason you can’t experiment with a cover-stick the same color as your skin and keep it on hand for Hideous Disfigurements. Do NOT apply cover-sticks directly to skin: rub some on the back of your clean hand and use your finger to dab, dab, dab it directly on top of the Hideous Disfigurement. A small make-up brush is an excellent tool for this. Just be sure to wash it in gentle shampoo when you’re done, rinse well and let air dry.

7. If you’re a woman, do your face make-up as you usually do, then dab, dab, dab a lighter concealer (PeaceBang uses an excellent green correcting product by Eucerin http://www.eucerinus.com/products/face_err_tonecreme.html when she’s having an allergic reaction to something and is turning blotchy pink) over the Affliction.

8. Keep your make-up and brushes and hands clean. Whenever possible, buy products that do not require you to dip your little paws into them but are dispensed in some more hygenic manner, such as through a pump or squeeze bottle.

9. If your skin is prone to blotchy weirdness, invest in a pair of huge, glamorous sunglasses. Be very careful trying new products — sometimes a reaction can occur over a few hours, or even the next day. Be gentle and slow if you have sensitive skin.

10. Remember that Jesus loved the lepers and he loves you, too even with your Hideous Facial Disfigurement.

Someone asked about my immunity regimen. I wanted to say that on the advice of my acupuncturist, it includes an herbal supplement called Astra 8 by Health Concerns. It’s mostly astragalus and some other Chinese herbs. This is serious stuff so please don’t think I’m recommending that you just buy it off the internet and start popping it without consulting a medical person. I don’t want anything happening to my dear powder pigeons! What if it interacted with your blood pressure medication and you tipped over? I would be bereft. So please be careful with any herbal preparations.

I also take Astra Isatis by Health Concerns when my immune system is exhibiting signs of real wear and tear, which it does by breaking out into huge, hideous facial blisters near my nose. Just the other day I started to get all rashy on the left side of my face and could feel an enormous blister coming out. I iced it, used all my anti-inflammatory Origins products (the Dr. Weil line), and started on 6 Astra Isatis a day with plenty of water. It cleared up in 36 hours with no outbreak. Good stuff.

Sleep is great for the immune system, as you know. When I’m really raggedy, I need 9 hours. When not raggedy, 7 is great. Eight tends to leave me groggy. Having an anxiety disorder that occasionally causes me to wake me in the middle of the night with panic attacks, I have to be very protective of good sleep time. No caffeine after 11 a.m. No alcohol or sugary stuff near sleepytime. Prayers before bed. Breathing. Cat petting. If you have a lover around, you can pet each other and I hope you do.

I’m still in extreme October Fat-n-Uglies (my God! What an inspired name for a line of … I don’t know, but something!). My hair is a nightmare right now; not sure what to do with it. Right now, just getting through everything the day requires is all-consuming. Fashion isn’t fun — I’m not enjoying clothing or make-up or accessorizing but putting together whatever I need to to get through the day. That’s okay, but it’s more fun when there’s a creative zing to it.

Someone anonymously commented on a very old post today that she thought all my emphasis on clothing and beauty tips was “incredibly sad,” because she herself (Anonymous) doesn’t wear make-up and since she didn’t wear heels to her own wedding, she isn’t likely to wear them anywhere else. AND, she reminds me, brilliant religious leaders like Dorothy Day didn’t wear make-up, etc.

Once again, I must say that I don’t know why someone would even VISIT a blog called Beauty Tips For Ministers if they’re avowedly uninterested in such frivolous chatter. Furthermore, and I can attest to this from firsthand experience, shunning lipstick and nice clothes doesn’t make anyone into Dorothy Day any more than wearing mascara makes anyone into Tammy Faye Bakker.
LikePeaceBang always says, you can wear Birkenstocks all over the desert, but that don’t make you Jesus.

Yes, that was a snap you just heard.
I’m sort of hoping someone will start a blog called “Ministers Who Don’t Give a Fig What They Look Like” so I can refer folks over there from time to time.