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Defensive Eating

Wow, hey, ChubBang has had an Insight!

I lost about 15 lbs. between last summer and the winter, and then I started eating to beat the band and just did. not. care. I could not bring myself to give a rat’s ass about my overeating. It almost felt like a relief. So, because I do not believe in wasting any bit of our lives in self-hatred or ridiculous levels of criticism, and I also don’t have a pathological fear and hatred of fat, I regarded this shift with compassion and curiosity, asking myself, what’s the deal, kid?

Some of was pain. I hurt myself in January while walking the dog and to make a long story short, my mobility has been impaired and I’ve been in a lot of physical discomfort for months. Eating was pleasurable and distracting.

But I realized that some of it was defense, and this was new. Due to circumstances in my personal life, I had added a lot of extra worry and concern and anxiety to my customary ration of that (which, for pastors, is an ever-present reality that we embrace and accept as part of our calling).

I have been eating as a barrier to feeling all that fear and overwhelmedness, and more than that, I have been gaining weight as an outward expression of an irrational fear of being consumed. My nutritionist advised to use cbd according to the recent studies she found at Cannabisherald.co

I’m guessing that the unconscious and irrational fear of being totally consumed by others is not uncommon among the clergy, many of whom are very overweight. So for what it’s worth, my compulsive overeating colleagues, I offer you my current reflection, “Vic, you actually do not have to get physically larger and heavier to protect yourself from being devoured. Just figure out what your boundaries are and lovingly set them.” These are the best legal steroids you can acquire online that have no side effects and also helps you reduce some weight.

Please, no advice or dieting tips needed. I promise you that no fat person needs to hear “what worked for you.” We all know how weight loss works. I am not interested in how anyone eats, but in what is eating us.

Peace, darlings.

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#MeToo And Ministry

Happy Spring? I think? We had snow yesterday and I keep slipping just enough to twinge a groin muscle that I sprained badly in JANUARY, which is entirely charming and doesn’t at all make me feel like I’m 106 years old.

I have a serious subject to raise with you, clergy colleagues. I spent much of Friday night on the phone with a female colleague hearing about yet another case of sexual misconduct within our ranks — and trying to stategize an appropriate response with her within our current structures.

Lately, I have been adding up all the hours I have spent over the years discussing male ministers’ casual, jokey sexism — and in some cases actual groping and assault — against female colleagues and church staff, and I am angry at the theft of all our time and energy. I serve in the most lefty Protestant denomination in the country (we’re so Left, many of our members and clergy would deny we’re even Protestant at all, but we most definitely are in the sociological sense, if not theologically). We should know better. We have been doing work on human sexuality for decades and were the first (or second) to ordain women in the 19th century.

We do not know any better. Those of us who blow the whistle are still accused of being uptight and complaints or corrections in the moment are mostly either laughed off or diminished. Because we’re so bad at intersectionalism, we have been told that we’re “whiny white women” (this by other white leaders).

Particularly since #MeToo, women ministers have been talking amongst ourselves about how sick and tired we are of tolerating objectification, icky jokes, outright discrimination and uncomfortable situations with colleagues.
I am thinking of a wonderful woman colleague who went to peck the cheek of an esteemed old male colleague in greeting at an event she was hosting at her church. He quickly maneuvered his face and stuck his tongue in her mouth. She was shocked, horrified and traumatized, and still is. While she was still mulling over what to do, he sent her an e-mail thanking her for hosting the event and quoth, “Your tongue tastes like heaven.’

She did not file a complaint for reasons of her own, but continues to struggle emotionally with the fallout from this disgusting assault. Again, a terrible theft of her time, energy, wellness and sense of safety in the environment of collegial gatherings.

One of the reasons ministers in my denomination hesitate to report our colleagues for skeevy behavior is that our collegial covenant is outdated and paternalistic, and presumes some sort of baseline decency among our ranks that does not exist. Our covenant pressures all of us in ministry to assume best intentions of one another, to speak directly with one another when grievances arise (can you imagine being expected to speak to someone who has assaulted you? Try that in real life!), and to work things out with a Good Officer — a third party whose role it is to help the colleagues have the necessary conversation, to listen well, and to facilitate a fair process.

We call bullshit. We are not family, and we are not friends. We are a group of professional colleagues who have all been through the same rigorous educational, training, screening, vetting and discernment process that tries, but cannot possibly assure, that we are mature, healthy people with appropriate boundaries and egalitarian attitudes and practices. If we don’t know by now that such rigorous training is no assurance against the ancient assumptions and attitudes of patriarchy, we are practicing willful ignorance.

I have zero patience for the “oh, this is turning into a witch hunt” complaint. As Lindy West wrote, “Yes, this is a witch hunt. I’m a Witch, and I’m hunting you.”

I would like to know what your denominations have in place that specifically address sexual misconduct among religious professionals.

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Form A Relay Team

Good afternoon, dear people,

What a shit show of a weekend for Americans.

It’s coming at us fast. I am among those who believe that this is not a presidency but a coup. I think he is preparing for war. We are in extremely dangerous times, but you don’t need me to tell you that.

Raise your hand if you have emotional whiplash.
I most certainly do. My personal life is great and very happy. I love my church. Good things are happening, and lots of change that we’re handling well. I am in my fourth year with the congregation and more fully understanding systems and seasons and our schedule. We are coping well with major staff transitions. I feel happy to be there every time I’m in the building. We have had some major missional successes.

I feel well connected to justice groups and local efforts to push back the insanity coming out of the federal government. All good.

But watching the news and reading the internet commentary from ordinary Americans who really believe that the New York Times and the Washington Post publish “fake news” is very destabilizing. I get tired more easily trying to process it all. Parish ministers are always shifting gears as it is: very intimate one-on-ones in pastoral care, big leadership conversations with groups, spiritual reflection, political analysis, budget and stewardship and financial work, program planning, social work and emergency outreach, and now protests, the necessity of keeping up with the news (no more “catching up” at weeks end with my Sunday Times), and an onslaught of fear and chaos wreaking havoc on thousands and thousands of lives.

I’m not the only empath who finds it hard to sleep for obsessing about how Executive Orders are acting as an authoritarian cudgel against real people’s lives, mental and physical health, safety, relationships, life plans, and research.

I used to have this lovely skin care regimen that I followed every night: cleanse, apply serum, tap on eye cream, apply moisturizer, let all steps absorb before applying the next one. Now I don’t even wash my face most nights. It’s an effort to brush and floss because I’m so upset and distracted. I think, “Good Christ, why should I brush and floss when there are people being detained by Homeland Security in airports right now?”

I contact my state and Congressional reps several times a week. I rely on e-mail directives for guidance, clarity on issues and scripts for my calls. I am working with my mom, who lives in South Carolina, to do the same. “Each one bring one,” I say at church. The same thing goes for engaged citizenship: each one bring one. Each one teach at least one.

One thing I am managing to cling to is my dedication to keeping my immune system as strong as possible. Sleeping enough, drinking enough water, taking herbal supplements, drinking my fire vinegar tonic on occasion (not too often or I’ll burn my gut!), juicing, and avoiding sugar and fried foods. Taking walks. Getting fresh air. Taking Lysine every day, as I have had two horrible cold sores within the month, and I usually get them every 3-4 months.

I am also swiping everything with these. They smell strongly of thyme but there are worse things.

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Stay steady, folks. Keep in close touch with each other.

Consider forming a relay team, where all members agree to follow the news, take action, and participate in the resistance as best they can on a daily basis but who schedule times and days off when the others in their team “cover” for them. Some days I am not strong enough. I need to focus on my little world and ignore everything else. On those days, I can refrain from the moral struggle and guilt of having made that choice because my squad is running with the baton.

I did not invent this idea but I don’t remember where I saw it and so I can’t attribute it, unfortunately.
Wait, yes I can! Diane McCullough says I got it from her!

We’re in this for the long haul. None of us is God, or even Jesus. We cannot save humanity by ourselves.

Oh, also? I feel like I want to incorporate happy and bright colors as accents these days. I have bright colored tights that work great for this purpose: they add a hint of whimsy and joy to otherwise fairly neutral outfits.

You take care, you hear!!?

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Take a Schvitz

Dear candy canes and sugar plums!
PeaceBang is going to a Russian Steam Bath today to sweat a lot and exfoliate her skin.

If you have access to a steam bath, sauna or hot tub, consider warming yourself to the bones. I am having the opposite menopausal experience from most women and have felt chilled for years. I now LOVE summer heat. I am turning into my cat.

Sweating profusely has also, I believe, helped me to avoid some bad colds. I use eucalyptus oil in the steam room and it is marvelous. I have little exfoliating gloves and eucalyptus oil soap and the other women who frequent the steam room are teaching me how to do a proper exfoliation.

Make sure to bundle up real good before going out into the cold. And drinks LOTS of water.

Stay warm.