Briefly, briefly from PeaceBang’s observations of 1,680 preacher conferees in Nashville:
- We have to talk about weight. PeaceBang is quite serious about this. She saw dozens of people who were in the 300+ pound range, and when Grace Imathiu announced that there would be Krispy Kremes at the break and a sigh went up as though she had announced that Jesus Himself would be handing them out, PeaceBang knew we Had To Talk about our eating situation. We really do. Especially because PeaceBang couldn’t help but notice that every single one of the main speakers was fit and trim (well, Jim Wallis is a bit hefty, but he was the exception) and what does that say about the body-spirit connection? It certainly doesn’t say that if you’re chunky or fat you can’t be a fantastic preacher, but it says something. And when PeaceBang figures out what that something is, she is going to invite us all into a conversation about it, so stay tuned.
- Scraggly facial hair. Gentlemen, super-casual clothes are fine because we were all pretty much on retreat, but I’m guessing that you didn’t all go home and fire up the Norelco Nose Hair Trimmer and beard clippers. Now that you’ve gotten home safe and sound, could you please get after those gorilla hairs that have taken over your neck and ears?
- Dudes with HAIR PARTED IN THE MIDDLE. PeaceBang is speechless. It didn’t work on Scott Baio in 1978 and it doesn’t work today. Okay, maybe it did work on Scott Baio. And Erik Estrada. But darling fellas, it doesn’t work on you, especially when you’re strawberry blonde with a sunburned scalp.
- Ladies with the big ole toes hanging over the front of your sandals, a tip: our feet all slide forward when we walk. Also, leather stretches. Keep this in mind when purchasing sandals and try to keep the little piggies in their pen. I’m trying to be cute about this but really, it’s just basic grooming. Because, yuck.
- Filthy knapsacks: again, I know we were all pretty much on retreat and there’s no need to go about with especially fashionable or professional bags, but could we stop dragging around filthy, beat-up knapsacks as though we’re in the sixth grade? Even a clean tote would be better than that.
But aw, overall everyone was so happy to be there I couldn’t really fault them for being messy. I did see a profusion of ankle-length denim jumpers — even some with SOCKS and LOAFERS — but I was honestly just feeling too tenderly toward my hard-working, hard-laughing, spirit-seeking colleagues to cast a very critical eye. Bless all our hearts, and especially those arteries. And Lord, preserve us from Krispy Kremes and other false idols. Amen.