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PB On Hiatus!

Darling ones!!

I have SO many good letters from you with great questions and comments and stories that we MUST discuss very soon! But not until I get my big parsonage all squared away and put on a truck and transported to my new home one hour north of where I live now, and then unpacked. And boxes crushed and recycled or sent along to some other re-locating soul.

This is a very happy move so I’m generally in good spirits except for when I’m overwhelmed and want to call Marvin the Torch to set all my possessions ablaze so I never have to think about any of them again. One truly insane thing I have noticed is how we have to get more stuff to manage our stuff. Like shelves to keep our pots and pans organized. Baskets to keep our cosmetics “just so.”
I’m an American and a Weinstein and neither of those two factors lend themselves to sparse furnishings and minimal belongings. I accept what is. In preparation for establishing a new home, I have established a neat little list of categories which helps me know where and how to arrange my new place. I really am aiming for “a place for everything and everything in its place.”

1. Comfort, Refuge and Hospitality: This is the living room, sun room/sleeping porch, kitchen, and dining room. Everything in this category serves to create peace, joy and nourishment of myself and others. Clean, bright, happy. Peaceful. My music collection and little keyboard will have to find a space here.

2. Personal Care: This is the bedroom, bathrooms and dressing room. The organizational concept here is maintaining rest, cleanliness and a calm, serene place to get ready for transition between private and public time. I will have linen closets for the first time in my life! My bedroom is tiny but I am just using it for sleep. The dressing room is something I fantasized about and that my realtor talked me into, so I am turning an entire bedroom into a walk-in closet! I will share photos when it’s done. This is a huge thing for me — a way of integrating my theatre life with my ministry life in a visual and practical way. It means a lot to me emotionally. I have always had a sort of crazy, falling-down jumble of a closet with bags and shoes stacked around and clothes falling off shelves and cat hair all over the floor. In past years I got much more organized, hanging clothes by color and category, for instance — but still had constant clutter. In past years I have noticed how good and happy I always feel getting to the various theatre dressing rooms I have worked in. I love that sense of arriving at the dressing room, sitting in my chair at the mirror and transitioning from workaday life into the creative space of the arts. Chatting with the other gals but quieting myself for the intensity of the next few hours. I have always loved knowing where all my costumes, shoes, hats, accessories and props are. It makes me feel safe; it makes me feel like the world is beautiful. It’s an exciting feeling. “This is my place of transformation.” So I thought it would be amazing to be able to re-create that space in my own home. I’m very excited about it. I will be able to do image consultations in there, with a big three-way mirror and a place to sit while you try things on, and I have a dressmaker’s form that we can dress so we can look at outfit ideas. It will be well-lit for photos and there will be enough space for playing with hair and make-up. (No more make-overs at my dining room table, Becca!). This room feels like a place where my early life in theatre, my love of the arts, my ministry and my PeaceBang image and BTFM work will integrate.

3. Work: I turned the largest bedroom of my house into a study because that is where I spend the most time. Tomorrow we are installing IKEA bookshelves on all the walls. I will have files cabinets. I will have organized, labeled storage. My desk looks out of a large window onto the street. There is lots of light and a big walk-in closet for archives. No more clutter. No more bookshelves dispersed all over the house.

So this is what I will be working on for the next couple of weeks before I begin my new parish ministry position. Creating a nest — my first home since I left home at 18. It is the culmination of many hopes and dreams. Thank you for being patient while I attend to the most physically labor-intensive time of this transition. Blessings and a kiss of peace to all of you.

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Practical Tips For Ministerial Transition: A Bit Of An Anxious Ramble

On the recommendation of a clergy friend, I am reading Good Moves: Seven Questions For Clergy To Ask Upon Leaving And Entering Positions of Leadership by Phillip S. Washburn. It’s a nifty little book with good insights, written from a systems perspective. For those of us who worship at the shrine of Edwin S. Friedman, it’s a good addition to our ministerial arts library.

I’m preparing for my big farewell weekend with my congregation and having many FEELINGS. My biggest feeling is “Oh Lord, please don’t let me become a red-nosed, blubbering idiot.” I remember five years ago when a parishioner who was extraordinarily dear to me died of cancer after a long and valiant fight, and I really thought I was okay. I got through the memorial service all the way to the closing hymn, at which point I broke. I don’t mean that my voice broke, I mean I broke like a twig snaps or a transmission blows in a car. Tears poured out of me as I actually tried to sing, and I had to fiercely threaten myself with severe punishment in order to pronounce the benediction. It was a horrible experience and one that I never want to repeat. I think such moments make us stronger but I regret that they also may make us tougher.

A younger parishioner gave me a hug after the service and said something like, “I think we got a really deep glimpse of your heart today.” While I found that to be a lovely and kind thing for him to say, the professional in me thinks it highly inappropriate for the minister to ever become the focus of a rite of passage. We should govern our emotions well enough at funerals so that no one ever feels that it’s necessary to offer condolences to US (unless we are presiding at the funeral of family — that is to say, not a member of our congregation). Not that it’s wrong to show that we’re grieving, it’s just an important boundary not to appear that one is so distraught that those present have cause to worry about the pastor’s well-being. By all means take the next day off, sob with your friends or your dog, see your therapist, take a long walk by the ocean, attend to your own spirit… but keep your s*** together for the service.

I just ate two pieces of bread with cream cheese on them. My eating is not the most mindful right now.

ANYWAY, I prefer to focus right now (and I mean right now as in this moment, when I should be working on my annual report and order of service) on practical issues around transition. Like, should I leave Verizon and switch to Comcast, or do I need cable at all what with Hulu and Netflix and such? And do I need a land line or can I use Google voice and my mobile phone?

Did I tell you I bought my first house? And I’m in the process of being mortgaged for the first time and it’s all amazing and super stressful? I have no doubt whatsoever about buying this house — I feel the whole process was totally God-led (or “in the zone/flow/Universe” if you prefer). But the layers of financial responsibility coupled with the steep learning curve added to the emotion that comes with leaving a ten-year ministry and anticipating an exciting new parish context is all just wow.

I guess I just needed to talk to someone tonight. Thanks for being there, pigeons.

Oh, speaking of being there, I’ll be in Iowa with the United Church of Christ Iowa Conference next week for their Recharge Conference. I’m leading two workshops on Friday and meeting with the 20/30 clergy group that evening. Holler if you’re gonna be there!

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Candidating Week: A Study in Blue

Hello, cookies!

PeaceBang is quite exhausted, having just spent an intensive week with her new congregation. The end result of the process is that I was called by unanimous vote on Sunday to be the settled minister, put an offer on a house that evening, and was informed today that I am the owner of a lovely 3-bedroom house.

I know this all seems very sudden, but I have been readying myself for this transition for a long time. I have been in discernment with lay people in several denominations, friends, family and colleagues, a spiritual director, therapist, an Alban institute coach, professors and some of you. I have had a tremendous amount of support and encouragement to get to this new phase in my life and I am profoundly grateful. As soon as I felt the unmistakable sense of “yay!we’re a match!” with the congregation, I spent every spare moment (not a lot of spare moments, but I made them count!) investigating real estate. By the grace of God and Facebook, an old Div School friend hooked me up with her wife, a realtor who turned out to be an angel. I call her my Fairy Godrealtor. If not for Beth I would never have had the first idea how to navigate all the details of buying a home. I knew what I wanted: I had thought about that for years, prayed about it, envisioned it, and researched the area once the invitation came to candidate with the congregation. But that’s not the same as knowing how to make the deal!

Over the course of the week (plus two weekends), I had eight days’ worth of events to attend. I decided to stick to a palette of blue, black and white for my week, with teal accents. That made it very easy to pack and to mix and match outfits.

Other choices I’m glad I made were to bring everything on hangers and pack the rest of my clothes in a laundry basket. It made it so much easier to move everything out of the car and into my lodgings.

I am also incredibly glad that I brought not only my computer but my printer/scanner. I used it a lot (especially for unexpected real estate transactions) and was very happy to not have to bother the church staff to do any of that sort of thing for me. They were busy enough as it was dealing with the hectic schedule and my arrival.

I’m very glad that I brought my Kindle and its charger, because it turns out that my new church doesn’t use the pulpit very much, but the minister leads the service from the chancel floor. I love the relationality and closeness of that, the freedom to move around while preaching. I was really happy to be able to send myself parts of the liturgy on my Kindle and just hold my Kindle in my hand in its pretty little tooled leather cover. It worked great. Yay, technology!

I’m certain that I gained at least five pounds this week — I ate like it was going out of style (there’s a reason my colleagues and I refer to candidating week as “trial by potluck”) — but I did bring smoothie fixings with me so at least I got a dose of greens and vitamins every morning, plus my immunity-enhancing extras. I found the closest Starbucks for my daily dose of java.

So now for some of the outfits. It’s not my favorite thing to put photos of myself all over this blog — believe it or not, I’m just as self-conscious and insecure about photos of myself as you are!– but I am an accessible model. And since I get a lot of requests for help preparing for week-long conferences and job interviews, I thought I would just go ahead and share some of what I put together. Because I had already spent one weekend with the Search Committee, I had a good idea where the community is on the formality scale, and was very happy to see that my own formality level was a good match for theirs. That was an early point of compatibility, and it’s one you should watch for. It’s always a good sign when your personal style blends in well with the community you aspire to serve.

If anyone can explain to me how to take a flattering full length self-portrait, please do. I have seen many very heavy fashion bloggers manage it so I know it’s possible for me, too, but all my efforts wind up looking just atrocious! Do these gals have photographers living in their linen closets or something? And while I’m asking ridiculous questions, wouldn’t it be great if each denomination had a cadre of volunteer hair stylists who would do ministerial hair on Sunday mornings of Candidating Weeks? Wouldn’t that just bring such ease to your stressful morning?

Arrive in town. Meet Search Committee for coffee and check-in. Floral sweater from Macy’s. White t-shirt with pearl beads from Talbot’s. Warby Parker specs. I wore black pants and taupe boots. The drop coin pearl earrings dressed this look up a bit.

First Sunday meeting congregation. Bad hair day!! Check it out! Alien Head! Black pencilMagic Marker skirt, black and teal floral blouse with draped neckline. Black blazer with silver Art Deco pin. Black patent leather wedges.

First day of meeting church staff. Office day. Striped shirt, navy blazer, white denim pants, blue and white rockabilly Hush Puppy Oxfords. Tired and wan already! Haven’t hit my stride yet. Need more blush.

Regular church day, luncheon with group of elder parishioners at someone’s home. I am wearing a white pants, a floral sweater and blue tank top, and shiny blue blazer (slightly dressier than my other navy, which is more nautical). The sweater and blazer were both shorter than I had remembered and more floppy, and I wound up feeling very fat in this outfit, as the tank top clung to me in the worst possible places.
Oh, well.

Choir potluck and rehearsal. Talbots cardigan, black jeans rolled with boots, and this scarf from somewhere.

This isn’t blue. It’s a plaid blazer that I really like, and I found this sleeveless white blouse with an awesome collar by Raffaella from Macys.com. It’s really cool with ruched sides that give it really good shape. I wore this with jeans and crazy 4″ blue Fluevog platforms for an evening presentation to the church. Another bad hair day. That was the event during which I felt that special zing you get when the energy is flowing in a fantastic way between you and a group of people. I felt that way all week, but this night was the one where it really hit me and I went back to the hotel giddy with excitement.

Here I am on my way to church for the Mother’s Day service and vote. Nervous face! Cold day and I will be going directly from church to Open House for the house I want to buy. Black trousers, black wedges. Royal blue cardigan from Talbot’s Woman, pearl/silver necklace from Brighton Collectibles, black patent leather wedges. Hair teased and put up into French twist. Full make-up job.

Too tired to write more. Lots of love to you all.

Just me, day off. Pashmina scarf a gift from pigeon Karen Karpow and my walking shoes a gift from pigeon Kathleen Hunter. See? I always have you with me. xoxox

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Candidating Weeks

Hello, Treasures!

In my tradition, each autonomous congregation is granted full authority to call its own minister(s). This process is very costly for the congregation in terms of time, talent and cash, and stressful on ministers because it takes an entire year of exchanging materials, interviewing via Skype and then — if one makes it that far in the process — entering into a weekend of conversation and preaching in a neutral pulpit known as “pre-candidating.” Ultimately, the Search Committee of the congregation seeking a new minister invites one candidate to meet the congregation, preach for two subsequent Sundays and be voted on at the conclusion of the second Sunday worship service (at which point one has vacated the premises).

Each congregation’s bylaws specify the percentage of votes needed for a successful call: usually 85% of the voting membership.

I kid you not when I say that it takes less time to elect a new pope than it does for a Unitarian Universalist congregation to settle a new minister. In the words of my beagle, Maxfield, that’s badinkulous.

But that’s how we do it!

This is to tell you that as of tomorrow morning I will have embarked on that week myself, and will therefore likely be scarce around these here parts until it is over, with the best possible outcome for all. The clergy sometimes affectionately refer to this time as “Trial By Potluck.”

I have photos of some of you in fabulously styled clericals that deserve to be seen by all, but I can’t find them all because my invisible, imaginary assistant has failed AGAIN to organize your submissions in my inbox. There goes HER Christmas bonus!

Wishing you well as I’m sure you wish me well, as we all wish the Church well, and each of our individual congregations past, present, and future.

Oh, and yes: I will be packing an entire small suitcase full of shoes and cosmetics. This is no time to make decisions — they’re ALL coming.

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It’s Vewwwwwy Quiet in Here!

Hello, Bunnies!

While my e-mail inbox has been fairly active with requests for advice and counsel, the comments on here have been sparse. Are you busy? Bored? Heard it all? Should I take a hiatus? What would you like to hear about?

A friend said to me recently on achieving ten years in the same parish, “After ten years, they’ve heard all your stories. Good idea to move on.”

I’m preaching on fire this weekend. Or perhaps I should rephrase that: I’m preaching ABOUT fire. My sermon is called “Burn Season” and what God is doing through fire. I am a Unitarian Universalist and do not preach from Scripture but would welcome your ideas and thoughts. Stories, poetry, free-associations? And yea, I know it’s too early for Pentecost! 🙂

Meanwhile, I can’t get “Burning Down the House” by the Talking Heads out of my head. Did you know there’s an awesome Bonnie Raitt rendition?