Mea Culpa

Dearest Pigeons!

From time to time I feel the need to apologize to the many of you who send me e-mails and sometimes photos and to whom I say, “This is a great question, let’s bring it to the blog!”

And then I don’t.

This is because I am a full time minister with a house and a dog and a cat and no helpful BTFM secretary to organize my blogging and on-line advising life for me, not because I don’t love you!

Also, I forget. Like you, I have a billion things swirling around in my mind; even when on vacation.

Ha ha about vacation, right? I’m so grateful I get it! I get a nice, long one! But I dunno about you, I’m thinking about church every day and organizing files and my library, drafting sermons and worship services, designing our new website, and did I mention thinking about church and ministry and activism most of the day?

It’s just who I am, and who many of us are.

I am also working on a BTFM BOOK, which is HARD.

I just wanted to say hey and hi and ho there, Mickey Mouse Club-style.

Please know that I am not at all offended if you contact me and say, “So, hey, Victoria, you were going to do a post about my bloddy bla, and that was a year ago, do you think you might still write about that?” I would actually be GRATEFUL for the reminder. Chances are I even have a draft somewhere!

How about the insanity reigning in our nation, huh, U.S. readers? Lord have mercy, have MERCY.

I have a tiny silver lining, which is that my Spanish seems to be good enough to talk to neighbors about voting, and I intend to register new voters this fall.

I loved Jon Stewart’s harangue from last night, when he thundered at the GOP for their vile tactics and among other things, said that they do not own America, they do not own patriotism, they do not own appreciation for the work of the armed forces and public safety professionals like cops and firefighters. Goddamn it, yes.

I just keep repeating, calmly, that Black Lives Matter is one of the most important civil rights movements of our time. It does not condone — you know what? WHY DO I EVEN NEED TO SAY THAT? I don’t even need to say that here. I pray, pray, pray for your leadership in your respective communities. There is so much pain, but there is also “discomfort,” which is the feeling white people get when their loving pastors push them beyond their personal feelings (“I’m not racist!”)and toward an understanding of the system that is racism. If you serve a privileged white community, please take a look at Debby Irving’s book Waking Up White.

Please carry on. Show up and keep showing up, and you can tame those frizzy fly aways with a dab of hand lotion – did you know that?

Grateful for you and for our calling.

Shoes Despair

I just want to go on record as saying that I HATE all the shoes this season. I do not have HOURS IN MY DAY to do up all the complicated little ties and buckles on all the straps all shoes suddenly have, I can’t keep a shoe on my damn FOOT if there’s just a strap around my ANKLE and nothing around the HEEL. It’s all just a recipe for a BROKEN LEG, if you ask me.
Let’s also talk about the WOODEN SOLES AND HEELS that are as comfortable as walking on a BOOKSHELF and if I wanted to dress like a little Dutch child in wooden clogs I’d let you know, thank you very much, shoe designing people.

Would it KILL you to design cute shoes that come in colors other than brown and black and tan? Some of us would certainly APPRECIATE it.

That’s all for now. You can tell I’m IRRITATED when I have to USE CAPS to make my POINT.

Ministerial Association Membership Dues

Hey, gang,

I am wondering what your clergy associations charge by way of dues. In the Unitarian Universalist Ministers Association we have a fairly complicated thing whereby we are expected to pay a percentage of our income, and if you don’t pay that, you can apply for a hardship discount or also a waiver — but there’s a huge amount of pressure to pay up, with lots of talk about COVENANT and so on.

You are also expected to provide your salary information on the form you fill out to renew your membership. This strikes me as totally inappropriate and invasive. Maybe they’ve changed that. I don’t know. I don’t ever intend to furnish that information.

We also pay dues to our local chapter (it’s not a large amount – like $40 a year or something), and to pay for retreats, and lunches, and then we get asked to financially contribute to the association, to the statewide social justice chapters (in my case, my interfaith county-wide chapter mostly works on the same initiatives), the local urban ministry (I live in a nearby city that has its own urban ministry and partner organizations that I support financially), to the multiple campaigns coming from the association or from our partner organization Service Committee. Then there are special funds that make annual asks. And the Church of the Larger Fellowship and the UU Christian Fellowship, two UU ministries that I cherish and support.

I frankly can’t keep any of it straight any more, and I stopped trying about a year ago when I got hit with a $20K tax surprise bill. My own fault, and I buckled down and got it paid off in a year. But while I put aside charitable giving and dues for some organizations, I realized with a shock how many of them I receive. I definitely need to step back and reorganize my giving, perhaps by identifying three organizations per year to which I’d like to give significant gifts instead of throwing $50-200 at all of them.

As far as the Ministerial Association goes, I think the fee structure is exorbitant and I wanted to know what other equivalent organizations ask of their clergy members.

Thanks for commenting! Love ya!

War On Blazers

I declare war on blazers!
The other day I had to dress up for a spiffy event at Harvard and every time I tried on a blazer, my soul died.
They were boxy and made me look even wider and square-shaped than I am.
They buttoned over the plumpest part of my bosom.
They were stiff rather than structured.
They drew attention to the chunkiness of my upper arms.
I hated them.
I threw them all back on their hangers and said, “I hope I never have to wear any of you EVER AGAIN!”

I am sure I will press my blazer suits into service again, especially for weddings and other formal occasions. They are in excellent condition and fit me as well as they’re ever going to.

I just hate them. They not “me” at all anymore and I’m going to look for new styles of suits or jackets for formal occasions. There MUST be better options.

What do you hate that used to be a staple of your wardrobe, kiddies?

A Pastor Gets Ready On Easter Morning

Yes! The service is printed. I think it’s good probably fine just breathe
Is it all good? Gospel of Mark reading that poem by that guy Should I print out the reading for Henry naw. Happy with the sermon so great to have that solid well oh my God look at the time
I should be good YES! feeling good got this all ready to go

get in the shower! Look at the time

Stay focused volumizing conditioner are we all set for candles
What about? No we did that last week
good
think it’s set prayer
it’s part of the sermon yea
energy Rinse out your hair completely this time, fool.

Blot don’t pull
where’s my wet brush
dry no time to moisturize whatever

pantyhose sh** the one thing I didn’t think of sure I have some
OH MY GOD PANTYHOSE NO WAY
because you always wear TIGHTS, loser
THESE DON’T FIT THE HELL I CAN’T EVEN GET THESE UP I HATE YOU L’EGGS
don’t meow at me you’ve got kibble in your bowl
Pantyhose oh my god
these. these. these stupid shiny ugly theatre pantyhose fine whatever
GET in there

why didn’t i wash my hair last night
blow dry blow dry hurry up
GOD look at the time
moisturizer and eyelid primer on
what am i wearing oh yea
this blouse no whatever it’s fine
foundation
buff with brush
buff buff buff hurry
ok cool how about this bronzer
dammit i look dirty this wasn’t the day to try to CONTOUR
oh my god
SLOW Down
my eyebrows are like the opposite of on fleek
what happened what is this how did i screw up my eyebrows this badly this morning of all mornings

candles are we set we’re good
Benediction yes yes all set
the song with the kids yea we talked about it we’re good

Line lips
WHAT is this COLOR
oh my god CLOWn MOUTh

LOOK AT THE TIME OH MY GOD

ok no time for eye shadow just fake it
oh great God so happy about the smeared eyeliner awesome
JUST. FREAKING. AWESOME THANK YOU make-up gods for abandoning me today of all days

why didn’t i throw away this smeary stupid eyeliner
why can’t i stop matching eye make-up to my outfit like an 8th grader
GOD HELP ME STOP
CLown eyes Qtip

I’m going to have to blend this in the car
Earrings
which earrings

I CANNOT BUCKLE THESE ANKLE STRAPS

&&*^%% so glad i am working up a sWEAT trying to buckle these ankle straps

Hair last looks
What did I do to deserve this hair TODAY LORD
spray
tease
oh my god it’s possessed
this isn’t happening
clip clip where’s that clip

Jesus please stop mocking me
i need to get out the door
double just double check the pages

STop meowing for food there is KIBBLE