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A Few Tips Following a Cursory Glance at "Lucky"

I sacrifice for you, my dear readers! I DO. Because when I should have been reading a tome about the founding on the 17th century Puritan ministry, what was I doing but tearing through Lucky magazine looking for fashion tips for you? And eating vegetable pad thai?
As I say, no sacrifice too deep.

Lucky is getting more and more twee and insufferable in its fashion recommendations (“Look like a tart at your office! Wear tight skirts and henley t’s that egregiously feature the bazoom! And 4″ Mary Janes that will have all the hetero men at your meetings obsessing about your legs instead of focusing on your ideas! Set the women’s movement back 100 years!”), but it’s still a lot of fun and I guiltily enjoy it. Their notion of fashion is absolutely geared to very slim 20-somethings with an unlimited budget and unlimited closet space, but PeaceBang always finds a little something to take away.

This month it was these two things:

1. Don’t wear pencil skirts with flats. Lucky’s fashion editor and I agree. They make most women look dumpy and wrong, and they kill the line of the ankle. If you wear pencil skirts, wear a heel, preferably over an inch.

2. Prints are very hard to do well. The most chic women (men, I don’t really think this applies as much to you) don’t wear a lot of prints. If you wear prints, opt for a handsomely designed blouse rather than a patterned skirt, or better yet, limit the prints to accent pieces. PeaceBang has seen way too many clergywomen in overly-cute or haus frauish patterned skirts, and she recommends that you challenge yourself to stay with solids if your closet is bursting with patterns. If you must wear patterns (because they’re gorgeous and they look wonderful on you, not because “it fit”), go easy on the accessories. One big bangle or a pair of simple, small hoops should do.
P.S. It’s long past Labor Day so put the floral prints away. (It’s a rhyme! You can memorize it!)

3. This is just for free from me and not Lucky magazine: if you are going to dress down for the office, dress chic casual, not frumpy casual. What I mean by that is that a denim jacket and spotless, fitted t-shirt with a pair of decent cotton pants is a lot better than either a nightmarishly sloppy pair of wrinkled shorts and a polo t or something huge, frumpy and muu-muu-esque. In other words, even when dressing down because you’re in a rush or you don’t have any particularly important meetings that day, keep your garments structured and coordinated. You can do it, and you can do it cheaply. And it’s all the more reason to keep up with good haircuts, general grooming and nails. We live in a very casual world, but you must still look groomed and not messy.

I won’t be watching “Project Runway” with SisterBang tonight (via the phone) because my television she is broken. I am trying not to be overly bereft, but I will be if Laura gets auf’d and Kaine doesn’t.

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I Hate Crocs

It’s not just an opinion any more, it’s a movement!!

http://ihatecrocs.com/

So I was in Portsmouth, New Hampshire on Monday with my bud T. and of course I dragged him into every shoe store in sight, which he goodnaturedly tolerated (as long as we got to buy some toys at the toy store). So there we are and I’m actually contemplating the CROCS, thinking that maybe they’d be good for gardening and for cooking (when I make a huge feast, I need good supportive shoes). Just as I’m about to say, “I can’t do it! These are just too hideous for me to wear under ANY circumstances,” I spot an old friend TRYING ON THE CROCS.

She’s an adorable, petite women in the physical therapy field, very classic preppy, and you know, she can get away with it. But only she can. Another person who can get away with it is a very cute 5 or 6-year old girl I saw walking down the street this summer carrying a little dolly and wearing pink Crocs. She can wear them, too.

The rest of us, no.
Non!
Nyet!
Nein!

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PeaceBang on CULL-ah

When I say the word color, I always want to pronounce it like a Long Island lady,
“CUL-lah!”
as in “Honey, you really got some CULLAH at the beach today!”

It’s the end of the summer, so I have some nice CULLAH right now, which means I can wear dark brown and look nice, rather than like a piece of deadweed.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.
One of you asked my advice on the subject of CUL-lah.

It’s amazing how much of a mystery we have made of color. I’m sure you’ve all participated in some version or another of one of those Color Me Beautiful programs where you sit under a harsh spotlight and some manically enthuastic woman with big hair throws various swatches of fabric against your neck in a desperate attempt to prove to you that you are a Spring or a Fall or a Summer or a Winter.

And then you go shopping and fall in love with, say, an inky blue blouse that feels like heaven, is cut like it was made for you, and looks simply smashing on you, but you don’t get it because you’re a Summer, and it’s NOT YOUR COLOR.

I hope you never did that. By all means, have fun and get your colors done. But, you know, don’t drink the Kool-Aid, my sweets. If you’re a summer and you want to wear black, go out and rock some black. Just make sure you add extra blush and maybe a dramatic smoky eye or add a bright lipstick.
That’s why God gave us cosmetics, my darlings! So that we could not only appreciate color but that we could actually WEAR it on our bodies without having our facial features disappear completely!

PeaceBang has a few tips on color (completely unscientific, you understand, without any swatch throwing whatsoever):

1. Color is supremely important to your overall look. Choose it wisely and wear colors that you adore and that feel right for your personality and persona. This doesn’t mean you should dress all in purple because purple is “your color.” People who hate purple won’t want to be around you, and is that fair?

2. Fabric and cut are just as important as color in choosing a garment. If you love a garment’s color and it hangs wrong or isn’t a nice fabric, or doesn’t fit, leave it be.

3. Adult women should generally avoid soft pastels. They’re too evocative of the nursery, they look good on very few complexions, and certainly clergywomen don’t need them in their wardrobe, unless it’s a delicious buttery yellow classic sweater set, or a beautiful baby pink blouse that makes your skin glow (and that you can wear under a black suit or pair with a smart black skirt). If you must wear pastels, try to limit them to accents and consider them carefully: do they communicate cutesy, or do they communicate soft beauty? Men, you can look fabulous in pastels, but only on structured, crisp garments. ‘Cause I’m not ever going to give you permission to wear that salmon pink Nantucket sweatshirt, no matter how much you beg.

4. Neutrals are important but they are not as simple as they seem. As I have said before, off-white is not just off-white. There’s ivory and ecru and eggshell and tan. Choose whites and neutrals to suit your skin tone (you can only fudge so much with make-up). This goes for blues and maroon tones, too. There are many, many blues in this world, and nothing looks cheaper than a badly dyed navy. Nothing makes a man or woman look more jowly than a flat, deep blood maroon color. And there is a certain shade of powder blue that should be taken out and shot.

5. Orange looks particularly good against dark skin, but it can also be surprisingly beautiful on some white folks. White men, don’t be afraid to consider a tangerine orange tie, or a pink Oxford, for that matter. But not if you have a ruddy face.

5. If you don’t wear make-up and you’re over the age of 40, you have to be particularly mindful of the way certain colors can wash you out or make you look sallow or bluish.

6. Hair color can make or break your look. It is never silly to spend a good amount of time considering your hair color, comparing swatches, looking at photos, examining your skin and hair tone under different lighting, and consulting with your hairdresser. Haircolor has a huge unconscious impact on people’s perception of you, and it is an expensive beauty investment. Don’t feel foolish asking your hairdresser about highlights vs lowlights, what she means by “caramel” when you’re thinking “honey” and asking for a re-do if the color still doesn’t please you a few days after it’s been done. Your hair colorist wants you to be happy. If you need to have a re-do, do not expect to pay, but do tip, unless the bad first effort came about due to egregious failure to hear what you requested.

7. You should love the colors you wear, not choose them because you think they’re “right” for you. You may look terrific in lime green, but if lime green is inappropriate for the season (and it’s gone totally out of fashion anyway, after a huge surge in popularity in 2004-2006) and if it makes you feel peevish, choose something else.

8. Colors have an emotional impact on people, including you. Use them to your advantage.

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Emmy’s Commentary

Here it is, folks, the best of the best:

http://gofugyourself.typepad.com/

If you don’t have time to read your way through all the commentaries (do try, though… I mean, who else could make an anagram out of Eva Longoria’s name?), let me just point out the issue with Frances Conroy and Candace Bergen.

I love and admire both of them. A lot. However, they both attempted the belt-the-hips look that has come back in with a vengeance and was last seen in about 1986, back when both Ms. Bergen and Mr. Conroy were younger and probably had a lot less hip.

Words to the wise: (1) adapt fashions to your body type. (2) Recognize that age changes your body type in ways you can’t control or anticipate.

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For Bodacious Pagan Clergy Women

Before I take to my bed to die of this violent headache, I must share with you this web site for women with enormous pachangas:

http://www.igigi.com/

This is definitely not clergy-wear unless you serve a pagan congregation that expects you to look like a flowing goddess type with major cleavage at all times.

If you’re a person who gets his or her sexual mojo going by meditating on images of bodacious babes, this catalogue is for YOU!!

Me, it gave the giggles. It was the “Sale Rack” page that did it. I, in my best Groucho Marx, couldn’t help but think, “That’s a rack alright!”
Thanks, MotherBang dearest, for the link! She is home safely from England and I’m so relieved I could maybe digest some solid food soon!

P.S. For the reader who sent a link to some fabulous pumps last week, I did see them and I LERVED them!