The Dreaded 1980’s Groovy Vest

Since we’re talking about ethnic garb, I need to share with you all that SisterBang won’t step foot in a church if she thinks she’s going to be confronted with this look:

ethnicgarb2

I couldn’t agree with her more.

On the other hand, I think this is fabulous:

ethnic garb

On him! On him! Not on you! Unless you’re in retirement and don’t care how eccentric you look.

Summer Legs and Summer L’eggs

This could have been good news, but it’s not:

http://www.onehanesplace.com/webapp/commerce/command/ProductDisplay?prrfnbr=1600263175

I was trying to find a summer sheer pantyhose for you but all I could find was a product by L’eggs that seems to be mostly defunct.

Summer L’eggs looks great, but not if you can only buy it in white, off-white and a truly grotesque color called “clay.”

I can’t think of one skin tone that would benefit from a sheer wash of white, off-white or clay (which they might as well have gone and named “ashy” or “zombie”).

There’s only one color hose to wear this season, my lambs, and it is NUDE.
You can wear a very sheer pearly off-white IF you’re the Mother of the Bride, but trust me, it’s all about a neutral tone that matches your skin.

NUDE, NUDE, NUDE. SHEER, SHEER, SHEER.

Save the off-black for the autumn. In case you haven’t noticed, legs are very bare this season (as they have been for the past several years since year-round tanning became so fashionable). They are not pasty white, they are not scaly and dry, they are not clad in cute, textured hose (unless you’re under 30, have great gams and are wearing a wonderful skirt and heels), and they are not hairy. I’m sorry, but if they’re visible, they are NOT HAIRY.

You can bar me from the Feminist Club all you want, but I don’t care. My smooth legs and I will be dancing the light fantastic somewhere way more fun.

She Dit-Int

Brit-Brit,
about your baby’s chapeau: No.

Just NO. It’s like signing him up early for membership in the Dumb & Trashy Guys of America Club. No child needs that kind of advantage in life.

Baby Fashion Disaster

Ministers, neither thy nor thy children, nay, unto the thousandth generation, shall ever cover thy head in such a fashion.

Here endeth the lesson.

Various and Sundry: Bangs, Bags and "Idol"

Concerning Lisa Welchel’s hair in the photo below, her side-swept bangs are TOTALLY fashionable right now, and look good on every shape face!

I’m seeing an awful lot of bedraggled hair hanging limply over high, shiny foreheads, gals. Today I saw a Unitarian Universalist shopping for clothes who had at least three inches of grey roots, which made her look unfortunately striped. It was so not a good look. I identified her as a co-religionist because she was carrying, as a bag, one of those freebie give-away totes from a conference.

Do I really have to say that those bags are really not to be used as BAGS?
This is a bag:
bag
(Nine West $29)

Okay, don’t get me started on that and on mullets.
I’m trying to go to bed early tonight. I’m still trying to get over that atrocious dress Katherine McPhee wore on “American Idol” tonight when she and Taylor positively butchered “I Had The Time of My Life.” Miss McPhee: (1) a lady doesn’t bounce and prance while wearing a satin gown with a train. (2) That color is from hunger.

Mandisa, girl, I feel for you in that shapeless red dress they put you in. Just be assured that you so commanded respect anyway.