Posted on by PeaceBang

YOU MAY NOT WEAR LEGGINGS

PeaceBang is LAYIN’ DOWN THE LAW, women of God!

No, you may not wear leggings. NO. Just no. To the gym, to hot yoga, that is IT. Do not do it in public. Seriously. Leggings are among the most dignity-impairing garments devised by man and adopted by the general female public and you are NOT to fall prey to this satanic temptation.


No. With a dress and boots in the winter, fine. Any other usage, NO.

Lord of Hosts, NO. If I see you in these I will fall to the floor and roll around with my tongue lolling out like some medieval poisoned monarch.

No, and these do NOT count as pants if you’re leaving the gym. They count as skin-tight leggings so put something over your butt, please.

So you’re like, “PeaceBang, I just got this really cute tunic from Handiworks of India which is a small company dedicated to paying Indian women a fair wage and why would I totally not wear this with leggings?

Or this kurta?

And I will say, “Because leggings are hideous, tacky, 80’s, inappropriate, not for women over 20 (again, unless it’s winter), they’re blech and NO NO NO.”

But it’s all in the details, darlings, so listen up. What you CAN do is find a cute pair of fitted capri yoga pants that have a tiny bit of roomy flare and those will be fine.

You just want to avoid the skin-tight ankle situation, which is what renders leggings so utterly loathsome.
See?

Tacky, tacky, tacky.

Fine. Wear a cute pair of strappy, sporty sandals like these or a pair of gladiator flats and you’re adorbs.

Athena sandal by J-41 and if you find them in a size 6 anywhere I will give you one of my fingers for them. And I mean that. You can HAVE ONE OF MY FINGERS.[This just in 6/10/11: Remind me to put one of my fingers in the mail to the Rev. Erika Hewitt. – PB]

As life is generally more casual in the summer months I see no reason why you should not wear a floaty tunic and yoga pants or skinny jeans to work. With sandals. And a nice pedicure.
OF COURSE YOU KNOW BETTER than to wear yoga pants of any kind with a short shirt. You understand that these sporty little bottoms do NOT COUNT AS PANTS for clergywomen and are only to be worn with tunics or short dresses, am I correct?

Of course I am.

9 Replies to “YOU MAY NOT WEAR LEGGINGS”

  1. i would never wear them, but … almost would at general assembly, just to see you do this:

    If I see you in these I will fall to the floor and roll around with my tongue lolling out like some medieval poisoned monarch.

    TOO FUNNY!!!

  2. Sorry PB. You’re wrong on this. For thousands of years Indian and other Asian women have worn skinny-leg punjabi and salwar kamis pants under tunics. [Listen up, Lashes Mahoney, I know — but those AREN’T TACKY LEGGINGS!! – PB] The skinny ankle contrast with the flowing tunic is part of the look. There are others with non-skinny legs. (And BTW “yoga-pants” are not authentically yogic! Hindu yogis do not require specific garb.) I get your general point about leggings not being pants and covering your rumpus. Here in Israel as well as Egypt and Turkey, leggings allow women to wear skirts and dresses that modesty would prevent in some pretty cute layered looks. If you pass out, I’ll help fan you, even if I’m wearing leggings under my skirt or tunic.

  3. Tee hee. You are *so* going to love London – full of women of all ages wearing leggings. (And dare I say it, mainly wearing them stylishly.) Very practical for our changeable weather. [Shhhh, don’t say that they can be worn stylishly to fashion-impaired clergywomen! They might get ideas. – PB]

    (OK there are more than a few people who seem to think leggings are a replacement for trousers or skirts which does rather make it look as if they forgot to finish getting dressed.)

  4. May we also say that anyone caught outside wearing treggings, jeggings, or similar items with absurd names, should be burned at the stake — oops, I mean, told gently that they shouldn’t, in a non-judgemental and inclusive sort of way?

  6. I have never understood leggings and bare feet in shoes. You’ve just done yourself out of one of the main advantages of wearing actual pants — comfortable sock-wearing.

  7. I kind of wish I could print up ‘Leggings are not pants’ bumper stickers and just gently stick them to the butts of those I see wandering about the streets wearing leggings with nothing over them…

  8. Ha ha! Just this afternoon I saw an egregious example of “leggings ain’t pants”. A young student with a couple of thin layered shirts on the top, and black leggings and desert boots. It was all I could do to not run up to her and say “I can see your undies! Go home and change!” 🙂 [Issue a written citation! Ha ha! – PB]

  9. Pingback: Church membership, good and evil, values and more « uuworld.org : The Interdependent Web

Comments are closed.