Beauty Tips for Ministers

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1. This reminds me of a question I wanted to ask, PB. What do you think is an appropriate age for a girl or woman to start wearing makeup? I have a 13 yo sister in law, and a 12 yo niece; apart from nail polish and the occasional grape flavored lip gloss, neither wears makeup. I didn’t start wearing makeup until I was in my 20s, but that was for religious reasons. Neither of them are religious.

   Comment by hafidha sofia — March 27, 2008 #

2. Hmmm! Your blogspot on “drab” is timely for me. I have always looked “better” with make-up than without. Presently, I am eperiencing a severe allergic reaction to my dark brown hair colour, which was applied by my usual colourist. My doctor advises me that I am at risk of anaphalactic shock if I colour my hair again, so for the next few months, I will sport a skunk-like stripe close to the root-line and then will have my hair cut REALLY short early summer, returning to work with a short-short hair do that will be white.
   As a 54 year old woman, who has sported dark brown hair for most of my life, I am having to rethink my whole colour palate. I’d be interested in hearing some reflections from other women who have gone through a “natural evolution” of going white (and I WILL br white haired) or have done it more dramatically.
   Whad advice do you have for a fun and funky (albeit overly-fluffy) 54 year old Anglican priest?
   And, BTW, how is the dog-ma? (We have acquired a puppy in the last year. LOTS of work - but well worthwhile.) Happy adjusting!

   Comment by Marni — March 27, 2008 #

3. Makeup can be lovely. However, I find it offensive for women to be told they are “washed out and exhausted and drab”-looking if they *choose* not to wear it [Jess, I calls ‘em like I sees ‘em. And what I “sees” are drab, washed out and exhausted looking women who could and should be looking like polished public leaders. Remember: I am the Stage Mother to the American clergy, and I want all my babies to look like STARS!!! - PB], or that they are not properly taking care of themselves if lipstick is not part of their wardrobe. Skin care is one thing; color cosmetics are quite another. I don’t care what the fashion mags say — women can look perfectly beautiful, and professional, without added color.

   Comment by Jess — March 27, 2008 #

4. Jess, whatever. IMO you can do whatever you want. However, I look like death itself without added color. No fashion magazine told me that, I’ve known it since I was a young kiddo.

   Speaking of kiddos, a lot depends on whether they’re interested. If they are, then maybe a little bit of mascara at 14? Find someone who can teach them how to wear makeup age appropriately–that is, with a light hand. If they don’t care about anything more than lip gloss and nail polish, then leave well enough alone.

   Comment by Nancy (nanflan) — March 27, 2008 #

5. Of course, there are also those desperate (or visually-impaired?) ordained women with slashes or blotches of blusher, eyes that are now called “smoky,” but were called something else unmentionable for years, and lips and nails that scream “Notice Me!!!” I know that finding the middle ground is important, but as clergy, I’d rather err on the side of drab and washed out, if I must, than the other end of the continuum. I am a Holy presence for my parishioners (I know, it makes me squirm, too — but it’s true!), and I don’t want to look like an ancient sacred prostitute.

   Comment by Ann — March 27, 2008 #

6. While I have never been a makeup person, I say Bravo!

   When you are in the pulpit, it is a performance. Sacred performance, but perfomance it is. You need to have on the appropriate amount of makeup to be seen. For some, it would be very little. For others, it will need to be more.

   Mmse. Peacebang is not telling you to look like a hoochie momma in the pulpit; she’s asking you to be concerned about how you will be (or if, in this case) SEEN from the pew. [Eggs-zackly. Word. - PB]

   So take a chill pill and think about what Peacebang is saying. There’s never any harm in re-evaluating one’s position on beauty products.

   Comment by Kim Hampton — March 27, 2008 #

7. Jess, it’s true that many women look beautiful sans makeup. After all, plenty of men look very handsome without makeup - and we don’t expect them to put on eyeliner or darken their eyebrows. A lot of it does have to do with expectations. I think in some places, a woman outside without makeup is considered “undone,” but in other places or communities, a woman wearing a noticeable amount of makeup is not really taken seriously.

   It’s important to have confidence in one’s appearance even bare-skinned. I find that the more I wear makeup, the less I like myself without it. When I look in the mirror (in the past year), I’m asking myself questions like, “Have I always been this ugly? Why do I look so haggard!?” But the other day I was out getting a pedi, and three women at the salon told me they’d thought I was 20-22 years old - and I was just wearing Burt’s Bee’s chapstick! So now I don’t quite know what to believe when I look in the mirror.

   Comment by hafidha sofia — March 27, 2008 #

8. Don’t think that I’m anti-makeup — I used to sell Mary Kay, for gods’ sake. But part of why I got out of that business was because of the way that women are constantly made to feel inferior if they don’t know how to put on eyeshadow, or hate wearing lipstick. As a consultant, I was constantly exhorted to go out and save the world by improving women’s self-esteem. . . by encouraging them to spend hundreds of dollars on products without which they would be “hopeless ugly hags” (actual quote from one of our leaders). This was a long time ago, but it still bugs me.

   I guess for me there is a line between professional and polished and artificial. The tone of this post strikes me as another blow to the collective self-esteem of women, where if they make a choice to not wear lipstick, they look as if they did not make “even the slightest effort to prepare [themselves] to be present in a visual universe.”

   PB, I know and love your over-the-top style, but this just went too far for me.

   Comment by Jess — March 28, 2008 #

9. Well, after spending the last four hours running around town coordinating grooming events (hair wash/trim; consultation with professional hair braider; eyebrow wax; scheduling facial for next week), I’m beginning to suspect that things like eyebrow waxing, makeup application, hair highlights, etc. are considered attractive because they suggest a woman of leisure, and disposable income. Maybe it’s like how in some cultures and eras, a fleshier woman was more desirable and attractive because it meant she had plenty of food and wasn’t working her fingers to the bone. A status symbol.

   I’ve decided to dedicate more time to “prettifying” myself so as not to fall into a post-baby worn-out-mama rut, and once I get a routine going, it’s going to cost the equivalent of 24 hours a month for mani-pedi, makeup application, hair care and removal, facial, massage, and skin care. And cost about $50-75 per month (if I’m lucky). Good thing I don’t have a job, and a husband who does!

   But I do think if you are serving the public or working in the public, these are reasonable expectations. It might just be a small price to pay for that kind of role.

   Comment by hafidha sofia — March 28, 2008 #

10. I’ve always been a no-makeup kind of gal, but thanks to reading PB for the past few years, I have done a little more experimenting with eye shadow and lipstick (Cover Girl Outlast All Day rocks!) And you know what? I look better!

    Now “better” is a relative term for this 64-year old woman with a wrinkly neck, but as long as I’m 20′ away from someone (as in standing behind the pulpit), I’ll definitely go for some lipstick, eye shadow, mascara and brows. And foundation, of course. That’s all. No Whores of Babylon in my pulpit…

    Thanks, PB, for spiffing me up!

    As for Marni, who is suddenly and unexpectedly going to go white in the hair department, I suggest that the best thing you can do is get a really good, stylish haircut and keep it looking great. I’m prejudiced toward natural hair color, having never colored mine except for some frosting when I was pregnant back in the 70’s and I figured everything from the neck down was a loss… A good haircut can work wonders and it’s worth every penny.

    My $.02 worth…

    Comment by Judy — March 28, 2008 #

11. It’s too bad that it’s not acceptable for men to wear make-up in the pulpit. They have the same problems of eyes and lips not standing out when they are “on stage,” making their faces harder to see at a distance. Facial hair makes this worse. (My grandfather was very hard-of-hearing, and relied on reading lips in church, but said he couldn’t do it if a man had “whiskers.”)

    I wear minimal make-up during the week, but wear foundation, powder, neutral eye make-up, blush and lipstick on Sundays. I am easier to see and look much better on the videorecordings we broadcast on the local cable channel. [As I’ve been saying, and thank you for validating this, the 21st century minister needs to be camera-ready as well as quote-worthy. - PB]

    Comment by Sarah S. — March 29, 2008 #

12. This is such an excellent comment:

    “I’m beginning to suspect that things like eyebrow waxing, makeup application, hair highlights, etc. are considered attractive because they suggest a woman of leisure, and disposable income. Maybe it’s like how in some cultures and eras, a fleshier woman was more desirable and attractive because it meant she had plenty of food and wasn’t working her fingers to the bone. A status symbol”

    Thank you for the food for thought!

    As for Suddenly Snow White: make sure you hydrate, hydrate, hydrate - hair, face, lips! My grandmother had beautiful, shockingly white hair which she always wore short. She had lovely soft skin and always wore a berry-colored lipstick. I think she was more beautiful with white hair than ebony!

    Perhaps the look is a little dated, but she also always wore a bright scarf tied around her neck.

    Off to put on some lipstick before I make announcements in chapel…

    Comment by Charlotte — March 30, 2008 #

13. On 29 March 2008, Sarah S wrote:
    -snip-
    “It’s too bad that it’s not acceptable for men to wear make-up in the pulpit. They have the same problems of eyes and lips not standing out when they are ‘on stage,’ making their faces harder to see at a distance.”

    Would it be unacceptable for a man in the pulpit to wear the level of makeup used in TV work?

    Are we so gender-role conforming in our Unitarian Universalist churches that this level of male makeup would be unacceptable?

    Comment by Steve Caldwell — March 30, 2008 #

14. Dear PB (and Marni)- for those of us who are going grey/white- can you give us pointers about going “au naturel”? I do color my hair, but would love to give it up- except, Im very fair, and my hair is not white- just yucky gray….the one time I tried not coloring, everybody was asking after my health! Any suggestions?

    Comment by nancy — March 31, 2008 #

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