Darlings,
It just makes PeaceBang SO ANGRY when she spends her hard-earned money on beauty products that DO NOT WORK. Such is the case with Almay Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover Gel, which retails for about $7 and does nothing whatsoever to remove either waterproof or regular mascara from the eyes.
I could do better having my CAT lick off my mascara. I could get a better result SLEEPING HARD ON MY PILLOWCASE.
A pox on you, Almay, for sending me back to the drugstore for another product! I got TWO PARKING TICKETS* THIS WEEK AND I CAN’T AFFORD IT.
*PeaceBang has very, very bad parking ticket karma because she has a genetically-inherited disorder called “Parking Hubris,” which causes her to either truly believe it’s legal to park in a certain spot, or to feel entirely certain that the meter doesn’t need any more quarters because it’s past 6pm, or some other fanciful flight of entitlement that results in being ticketed.
When she was in seminary PeaceBang got parking tickets so often that she could not keep up with payments and eventually got the Denver Boot. And when she moved back to Massachusetts and was called upon by a lovely insurance representative (still her insurance guy and a favorite villager), he went away to complete her paperwork only to find that she still owed literally thousands of dollars in unpaid tickets and excise taxes. If you find this an unpardonable sin and irresponsible behavior, please keep in mind that Boston and its surrounding urban environs have exquisitely torturous and highly arbitrary parking laws that always seemed to go into enforcement the MOMENT PeaceBang pulled into a space (which had been, five minutes earlier, PERFECTLY LEGAL).
It has been a traumatic week with the tickets. PeaceBang sincerely believed that her Parking Hubris was cured, and she hasn’t had a ticket in many years. Now two in 8 days! What this will do to the turkey budget, I don’t know. We’ll have to have raisin pie instead of pecan, because have you SEEN the price of pecans lately? They cost about as much per bag as the Almay Oil-Free Eye Makeup Remover that DOESN’T WORK.
Show PeaceBang lots of love this week, won’t you? She is feeling slightly hysterical about the fact that the Holy Spirit does NOT want to give her any creative Thanksgiving worship service ideas, about the fact that she needs to write a serious paper before mid-December, about planning, cleaning and cooking for Thanksgiving, about having agreed to keynote a January church retreat on the subject of religious life and humor (what the bejeebus to say about THAT for three lectures?) and about a credit card bill that arrived with the trick-or-treaters and represents highly out-of-character thoughtless little moments in places like Sephora and Clark’s shoe store. Aiiieee.
What makes me angrier is when they have a product that works and they replace it with schlock like this. I bought this exact product and hated the oilyness of it, let it clutter up my drawer for weeks. Then started using my face moisturizer to remove my makeup–worked like a charm. Then guess what? I go to buy the Dove mositurizer that I loved so well as moisture AND remover, and they’ve discontinued it and replaced it with this thick and heavy and oily product that makes me feel not moisturized but greasy and heavy–like my skin is being pulled down by gravity more than it does naturally. At my age, I can’t afford that!
Asking for advice and giving (unrequested) advice:
I miss mascara! But my eyes are just too, too sensitive. I’ve tried things from cheap Almay to goshawful Dior … itch, itch, itch, water, water. Any suggestions for hyper-sensitive eyes?
And if a poor little novice can offer a suggestion to Mother Superior about her sermon … take a walk. Yes, it’s an hour out of your day. But every time I take a walk (it has to be a LONG walk), God always shows up to walk alongside me and he always leaves me with at least one good idea. (Scurrying back, embarrassed at her temerity …)
[Honey, you be as temerityous as you want! That’s a good idea. I am such a wreck today for some reason: like the holidays stuff just crashed down on my head like a ton of bricks. I am NOT READY!! As for mascara, I have been using Cover Girl’s products for years and they don’t irritate, but everyone is so different … – PB]
Sephora can be very dangerous to one’s credit card…
I love you blog, by the way. I’m currently sitting in my seminary’s library where I’m supposed to be studying Hebrew and balancing my checkbook.
Yes, Boston’s parking laws are quite tortuous. What better way to make extra money than to confuse people into parking illegally. One time I got a ticket on a snow emergency day and after reading the tortuous law I determined that our entire street had been wrongfully ticketed but our appeal was denied. Another time they said we were parked too close to the intersection, but after measuring, we found that we were not. Once again, appeal denied. Yet another time we got ticketed early in the morning because they were doing work on the road but the signs had been put up after we parked the previous night at 8pm. We were lucky that we made it out there before they towed our car like they did to others. Another appeal denied. As much as I enjoyed living in Boston, I do not miss parking there.
I parked illegally (wrong side of the street is all) in Jersey City and got booted that same day! Took a trip to city hall to pay 75 buckaroos along with the ticket to free my car. I don’t think anywhere else is that bad.
Parking bites. I feel your pain.
Eye make-up remover — Mary Kay’s Oil Free works like a charm, and lasts a really long time because you don’t have to use very much.
And I find their lash-lengthening mascara in black-brown to be itch free as well as durable.
Sigh. I don’t have parking or mascara angst today, but have had an email exchange over a misinterpreted comment on another blog that has made me blue and sad. So perhaps it is our day to just throw up our hands and admit that life is occasionally just a wee bit suck-y.
Let us comfort ourselves, sisters, with the warm fuzziness of autumn sweaters and luscious suede boots and hot cocoa. The winds may blow and the parking tickets may accumulate, but under all this horsepoop there is a pony, somewhere. I hope.
Oh, poor one! One of those days, huh? My easy solution to not getting any parking tickets is, well, not having a car. Doesn’t work for everyone, admittedly, but for me it works fine!
This season is the most stressful in the life of church, though. Even we Swedes, who don’t celebrate Thanksgiving, are totally stressed out because of All Saints-services, and all the preparations for Lucia (the only saint we actually celebrate these days, with choirs in white dresses and lots and lots of candles, Dec 13) and of course, Christmas.
Lots of vitamin C, good loud non-christmasy music, exotic food with hot spices and of course some shoe-shopping (the window variety works as well, if there’s too much month left at the end of the salary) even if you don’t have the time (think of it as time for yourself, or exercise, since you actually walk a lot when shopping…), takes me through December.
And then comes January, and all is calm. Kind of, anyway.
As a self-admitting make-up-and-stuff-junkie, I would like to share the joy of http://www.eyeslipsface.com. It’s new to me, but probably old news to everyone else. You have to pay a chunk for S&H ($6.95), but everything is $1.00…and pretty good quality. Sometimes you can even get a 50% off code. It’s fantastic, much better on the old checkbook than a trip to Sephora. Though NOTHING beats Benefit’s Bad Gal Lash.
Oh do I feel your pain girlfriend. I was the ticket queen in the midwest before moving out east. I got parking, speeding, moving violation etc tickets galore. The folks at traffic court were starting to get to know me by name. My reputation as a traffic ticket cash cow has not caught up with me in my new environs thank God.
Gareth Evans, the rector at Saint John’s Episcopal Church in Charlestown, MA, has done a good bit of work (a D.Min.’s worth) on religion and humor. You might give him a call. The church has a website with his contact information on it.
Hot tip: Neutrogena’s mascara remover is fab-u-lous. Here’s the history behind the product: Lancome’s Bifocil is the world’s #1 mascara remover (No really. Highest grossing mascara remover product in the world.)
Lancome (owned by Loreal) had a patent on Bifocil for seven years. And THEN Neutrogena came along, made the same stuff at less than half the price, and it works like a *charm.*
Works for me,
Sara
A strange thing happened on the way to getting older, I can no longer wear mascara like I did in my 20s and 30s. I need mascara now more than I did back then, but I wake up to bloodshot eyes the next day if I apply the stuff now. Oh well, I guess I gotta pull out the blue eyeshadow to give my eyes the boost that the need.
I was queen of the boot when I worked on Capitol Hill where parking was free and legal EXCEPT THAT we had to move our cars every two hours.
But that’s not my point. My point is: Feel better! Know that your blog perks up my day considerably, that your noble fight against frump is not in vain, and that strangers from across the globe have mucho love for Peacebang!
So be comforted. Consider the lillies of the field (they park not, nor do they drive) and smile.
(My creative project for Thanksgiving worship: I am writing a sermon about Little Miss Sunshine, and I am trying hard to find clips without a vulgarity in the middle. Heh.)
Re: Dingwoman. Neutrogena EVERYTHING-skin-product is good. I have become such a believer in that line. I just got a terrific facial two weeks ago, and the aesthetician told me I could give up the super-pricey Swiss face stuff I was buying and switch to Neutrogena and my skin would probably look better. And she was right. I’d especially recommend their overnight “Anti-Aging Cream” with salcylic acid for those who, like me, are in that “no fair I’ve got crow’s feet AND zits!” stage o’ life.
PB, perhaps your mascara and this remover just aren’t a good match. I have the same stuff and it works very well to remove my Origins mascara. Maybe keep it and try it with a different mascara?
And sorry ’bout the parking. I feel your pain. That’s one thing I don’t miss about Boston.
Comment on: Almay Hypo-Allergenic Moisturizing Gentle Gel Eye Makeup Remover – Ladies, have you ever thought of using a 100% cotton, cotton ball to remove your eye makeup with? I’ve done it for years and have had no problems. Just don’t scrub hard on your eyes. The 100% cotton is not going to hurt you. I’ve had many specialists tell me that it’s okay. After taking the eye makeup off, you should be washing your face with a good cleanser. Having a little bit of moisturizer under and around your eyes will help with wrinkles as you get older.