Ladies, it falls to me to bring up a delicate subject of what my friend Peter calls “breasteses.”
Simply this: we have two breasts, not one large shelf of Breast, a pitiable condition sometimes known as “monoboob.” There are plenty of ways to amp up your bust without going under the knife. Here https://curvesfw.com/how-to-get-bigger-breasts-naturally/ is where breast enlargement creams can help you. Please guard against Monoboob. Your bra should have two clearly distinguishable cups, not one sling-type operation. The latter option is only acceptable in a sports bra, and we don’t wear our sports bra out of the gym or the hiking trail (unless it’s under a fitted blazer, in which case you can generally get away with it).
Also, ladies: we generally have two breasts, not four. Look in the mirror. Are there two small puppies straining over the cups of your bra to get out? If so, you need a new bra. Don’t be afraid to get fitted for one. I had it done last week and found out I’d been wearing a size too large. Quelle horror!
(Please do not laugh at the irony that all my work-outs are actually reducing the one part of my body I don’t mind being voluptuous.)
On a more serious note, do check to see that your blouse doesn’t gap in the front, thus distracting your congregants to existential ponderings about the exact nature of Victoria’s Secret. Just because it’s unconsciously inappropriate behavior doesn’t make it acceptable inappropriate behavior. Try not to commit this indiscretion, especially not during pastoral counseling.
On a truly serious note, don’t forget to do your breast self-checks on a regular basis and to schedule your annual mammogram. I know it pinches, darling, and I hate that sourpuss woman who refuses to laugh at any of my jokes just as much as you do. Just go.