PeaceBang (Sort Of) Changes Her Mind!!

Puddings, don’t miss this, ’cause it doesn’t happen too often!

I am SORT OF changing my mind about open-toed shoes and sandals in the pulpit, with reservations and with caveats.

The reason is this: dressy sandals are definitely considered professional wear now, and have been for several years. It looks like a trend that’s here to stay. Given the covered-upness of our vestments, I just think an open-toed shoe can be okay. I’ve been testing it out in church and it’s been working fine.

I have a pair of Aerosoles that sort of resemble these, but in brown, with thicker straps. They looked fine with a robe in church and then later with a skirt and sweater set.

I have a pair of t-strap wedge 9 Wests that I bought on Good Friday. They kind of resemble this sort of thing:black-tstraps.jpg ( but not with the tan base– all black).

This is a similar idea as well: blacktstraps2.jpg

So far, I don’t feel like the Whore of Babylon preaching in this kind of shoe, and no one is looking at me like I’m a brazen heathenish kind of gal for doing so. My toenails on one occasion were even painted OPI Dutch Tulip, a bright pinky-red color. Gasp!

Some suggestions, pussycats.

  • If we’re going to do sandals in the pulpit, the feets have GOT to be pedicured.
  • Sandals should be neutral colors: black, brown, tan. You don’t want a shock of color to draw everyone’s eye down past your ankles.
  • No thong styles! PeaceBang draws the line there! Eternal NON to the flippy-floppies, which have definitely become everyday wear in this country, but I’ll never wear them to church on Sunday. NEVAH.
  • Straps should be wide enough that you don’t look like the Mother of the Bride or the Prom Queen.
  • No wobbly heels, except for that one fabulous pastor in DC who preaches in stilletos.

    On Sunday morning, M. wrote in to say,

    Hello to my fashion savior. Your blog is the first one I check each day. Thank you for helping me in the process of “defrumpification.” My question pertains to the
    open toe sandals in the pulpit. Nylons: yes or no?

    Thank you!

    Good question, hon! Thanks for writing in!

    There are two schools of thought on this. One, and this is my own, is that nylons almost never work with sandals.
    The second school is of the thought that nylons are better than bare legs that may be (1) inappropriate in a more conservative setting and/or (2) just look kind of awful without nylons.

    PeaceBang prefers to use fake-tan on her legs and to go without nylons, and in very dressy situations she avoids the conundrum by wearing pumps or some other shoe (not sandal) and nylons.

    I don’t think that nylons would look right with the sandals I have pictured above (actually, they’d be fine with the top t-strap pair, which are more of a real shoe). They might not look heinous, but I do think they’d look weird.
    Nylons look okay with a very dressy strappy sandal for weddings (I’ve seen it done well with a very silky sheer hose), but not with the sporty-dressy sandals I’ve showed. If your skirt is well below your knee, heavens, why bother with nylons? If your skirt is more like knee length, I can see how you’d consider it.

    Of course there’s the school of clergygals who wear flat sandals and pantyhose with a reinforced toe, and… well… um, that’s why I have the mission to de-frumpify us!! I understand the need for support hose, and I understand the desire to wear comfy flat sandals. That particular combo, however, communicates one thing and one thing only: dear old granny. If that’s your pastoral calling, I say rock it. If it’s not, adjustments must be made.

    So darling, it’s up to you. But if you wear nylons, make sure to get an absolutely sheer brand and keep the seam tucked under as best you can so it doesn’t show.

The Marquis De Sandal

A few years ago I was walking in New York City with SisterBang, who was wearing a pair of fabulous platform sandals I had given her because they killed my toes and cut off circulation.

As we traipsed along, she began to feel the pinch herself and said, “My God, these are like the Marquis de Sandal!”

We laughed and laughed, and you’re free to use the expression to describe your own ouchy shoes.
It goes like this: “I’ve got two blisters from these Marquis de Sandals!”

The First Commandment Of Sandals



Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Edie Falco is a really terrific actress, but oy vey, this schmatta has got to go.

Doesn’t this sort of look like something you or I might wear to a funeral? I think it might be okay at a funeral, but not at the opening of a film festival. Not that any of us are going to openings of film festivals, I’m just sayin’. That little kick of flamenco dancer frill at the hem just doesn’t redeem it.

Let’s discuss the other fashion problems here. First, if we’re going to wear an entirely sombre black dress, let’s not throw some itsy-bitsy little necklace on and call that accessorizing. ESPECIALLY if we’re going to be speaking in public. With something this austere, you want a bolder statement, methinks.

The hem is a universally unflattering length, but she could have made it less so by not breaking up her leg with those thick sandal straps. And she needs pantyhose or something to help with the pasty leg situation. Do you see how your eye moves down from the smooth line of black and then it’s like three big chunks of white? Worst of all, it distracts from her face. She’s also not wearing enough make-up to compete with the black, and she looks extremely washed out. So much to learn here! We love you, Edie! But you need some rouge!

All of that aside, THE SHOES DON’T FIT.

Now usually, the sin with sandals is when we get into the Toe-Overhang or the Heel Overhang — both mortal sins that I’m SURE earns one time in Fashion Hell. PeaceBang has extremely short toes and often has to contend with her pinky toe slipping through the strap on sandals she’s trying on and LOVES, but has to put sadly away until the day that plastic surgeons develop toe-elongation cosmetic enhancement. Her stubby toes are a serious impediment to fitting sandals well, so she feels the pain of those who suffer the same malady.
However, we must be strong. No matter how much we LOVE the sandal, we should not BUY and WEAR the sandal if it doesn’t FIT.

Too small is just awful. Too big isn’t much better, as you can see here.

I saw a photo of Beyonce Knowles the other day dancing her pants off in a pair of 4″ heels, and those heels were a full two sizes too big. I could only imagine that the lovely Ms. Knowles shot that photo and fell forthwith on her keister.

The point, as always, is about not unintentionally upstaging ourselves so that when we’re being present in ministry or wherever, people aren’t sneaking surreptitious glances at our feet and thinking, “God god awmighty, look at those toes hanging out all over the floor. I hope she doesn’t break one.”

“Thy sandals shall fit thy feets,” saith the LORD.

The Footwear Anti-Christ Has Possessed My Soul

You can all light a candle and say a prayer for PeaceBang, who is sitting at her desk wearing a pair of GREEN CROCS.

I can hear you gasping across two continents and eight nations (Great Britain, Sweden, Finland, Denmark, Spain, New Zealand, the United States and Canada).

I know. I know. But they were on sale for $4.99 at the Christmas Tree Shop and I needed them for gardening and then I put them on because my feet hurt and lo and behold, I am wearing Crocs. I, the Anti-Croc Crusader. I, the Official Hater and Despiser of Crocs.

People, I am humbled.

But my feet feel great.

And Get Me a Pair While You’re At It!!

Thanks to m’dear Philocrites for sending this fascinating tidbit from the NY Times along.

“Women do spend $1,069–$246 more than men do–on clothing every year, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics 2004-2005 Consumer Expenditure Survey.
But that’s chump change compared with what single men spend on car ownership ($846 more than single women), eating out ($752 more), alcoholic drinks ($280 more) and audiovisual gear ($143 more).
Cutting back on needless spending isn’t a bad idea for anyone, but ‘renegotiating your credit-card balances or getting a lower cost on your IRA probably saves you a lot more money,’ says Christian Weller, an economist at the Center for American Progress. ‘That’s much more prudent advice to women than saying ‘Don’t go buying all those Prada shoes.'”

You have PeaceBang’s full permission to join her in lusting after these Prada beauties. Because despite Jesus’ admonition, darlings, lusting is FREE.