PeaceBang extends her warmest and most sincere blessings to the Rev. Ms. Katharine Jefferts Schori on her election as Bishop of the Episcopal Church in America, and would like to publicly offer to buy Bishop-Elect Jefferts Schori a drink if fate should ever place them in the same approximate location.
PeaceBang just gets sicker every day about the way the Anglican communion keeps fighting about gay people as though they’re somehow upsetting to Jesus, who never said a word about them, when he did say plenty of things about DIVORCED people and PeaceBang notices that DIVORCED people, who, Scripturally speaking, definitely possess a “MANNER OF LIFE WHICH PRESENTS A CHALLENGE TO THE WIDER CHURCH” get to serve as bishops and priests with NO PROBLEM. But of course when we think of divorced heterosexuals, we don’t immediately think about their private lady and gentlemen bits the way some people do whenever there’s a gay person in the room, so it’s easier to overlook the fact that Jesus apparently had BIG problems with divorce and didn’t seem to think the gay issue was worth mentioning. Although, of course, if you go by Hebrew Scriptures, it’s a very serious problem to be gay and all. And of course Jesus did nothing with his career but deconstruct and reform OT laws, so it makes SO MUCH SENSE that JC would have been down with dissing the gay folk. Way to go, Christian people!
PeaceBang has to catch her breath and wipe the froth from her mouth now.
PeaceBang would like to say to Bishop-Elect Jefferts Schori, Honey, good luck with that Anglican communion thing and we’re rooting for you, but just remember you’re going to be attending lots of very upsetting meetings and flying on airplanes a lot and PeaceBang doesn’t want you to get all haggard looking so that those homophobic fools in your communion have occasion to say, “Yes, the Lord is not sustaining this bishop in her work. She is clearly becoming haggard and losing faith.”
Katharine, you need to stay healthy for all of us, and you’ve got to shine.
Take huge bottles of water and packets of Emergen-C with you on flights. Bring moisturizer and use it. Revlon Skinlights makes a great liquid illuminator for your face. Ice on the eyes to de-puff. A spritz of some nice, internationally acceptable fragrance (an orange note base would probably work). Visine, comfortable shoes, dental floss in your bag. Soothing tunes on the i-Pod. Be fabulous. You are truly laboring in the vineyards.
So Katharine, just for you, PeaceBang recommends:
A good colorist, because it will just brighten you up, and I see from your latest photo in the Christian Century that you’re going grayer all the time.
A good stylist who won’t cut your curls too short and make you look all poodleish, which simply doesn’t become such a handsome and accomplished woman.
A bit of creme blush and a nice neutral lip liner to fill in your lips before covering them with a shinier lipstick that will look nicer on camera (but not too gooey or glossy, of course).
Eyebrow pencil, because yours are wonderfully shaped but faded out.
Your skin is beautiful, congratulations and keep it up with the sunblock.
Can we talk about the bright fuschia clerical shirt you’ve been wearing? I think you might be echoing the fabulous pink blouse-under-black-suit look worn so successfully by Hilary Clinton during her run for the Senate, but it’s just not really a good look for you. You’re a scientist. You’re a bishop. Let’s go with black and see what we can do in terms of some more shape to your jackets. And when you get your hair done, that will really make it all pop.
Call me. Love you. Kiss, kiss.
