Vestments And Clericals – Page 2 – Beauty Tips For Ministers

January 4, 2018January 4, 2018

Funnel Neck Coats And Winter Commitals

Darlings, what we have here in Massachusetts is a good old-fashioned blizZARD, emphasis on the last syllable. The weather people are calling it a BOMB CYCLONE, which is such an overdramatic touch I can’t help but laugh.
BOMB CYCLONE!
Lord Jesus, what will they think of next.

We’ve had to close the church but our roof is new and I have confidence in it, although of course I’m worried about all our folks and their kids and their chickens — parishioners down the street are bringing theirs in to wait it out in the basement. This seems like it would be pretty challenging so I’ll probably head over tomorrow to take a peek and offer some libations or cabbage soup.

Ministry does go on even in the worst of weather conditions, which reminds me of a friend who had a commital to do today in New York state, where the weather is just as bad as it is here in eastern MA. I wondered if perhaps there was a would be a way for her to remain in a car and say the appropriate prayers over a loudspeaker while all the bereaved cracked their windows to hear her, but of course that was just wishful thinking trying to spare her a mouthful of snow and the mourners a mighty bleak farewell with possible pneumonia after the fact. What a sorry time to lose a loved one, and my heart is with them.
God bless the gravediggers, too, which is a grim job indeed, and how do they even get through the frozen ground? Truly a job that “someone’s gotta do,” for which I hope they are very well-compensated.

My colleague wondered about wearing a stole over her coat and I didn’t think that was necessary at all, given that it would take all her attention just to read the rites in wet squalling winds and she didn’t need a stole flying all over the place and potentially wacking her about the head. A mutual friend recommended putting her readings in plastic covers. Those of you who have done the priestly honors in such dire conditions, would you comment about how you handled the elements and your prayerbooks or folios? I am not sure what I would do — does a Kindle work in the wet snow? I hope I never have to find out.

But let’s talk outerwear. I know that some of you serve in traditions that include the cloak, a mighty fancy garment about which I admit some degree of envy.

I will have to make do with my funnel neck style overcoat which did prove exceptionally warm and protective during a recent very cold commital.

It looks similar to the Cole Haan number above, which I saw on sale at Zulily today right here. (I buy a lot of things from Zulily and I recommend them for deals. Always let Google be your friend and double check the price other sites because sometimes Zulily isn’t the bargain it claims to be. You can’t return things and they take awhile to arrive but overall I have been very happy with my purchases and customer service. I’ve made out with some excellent deals over the years and very few disappointments)

A funnel neck is elegant and classic and professional. It renders a big bulky scarf unnecessary and one could, if one wanted, drape a stole nicely around it.

Next up: hats!

September 22, 2017July 28, 2020

Black Tie Optional Wedding

When I first meet with the wedding couple I am always sure to ask about the dress code right away, because I wouldn’t want to turn up in one of those holy communion Dresses and make a gaffe. It gives me a sense of the scale of the event, and if I’m attending the reception, I have to actually think about not only the ceremony but the afterward, public ministry part.

I know.
No one who has been in ministry for twenty years thinks of a wedding reception as a grand old time, but we do it when we’re connected to the family. My practice is to give a nice, brief blessing over the meal if asked, eat something, try to make some friendly conversation at the inevitable “leftovers” table, keep the “I’m spiritual but not religious” or “I don’t believe in organized religion” or “Could you explain what a Unitarian Universalist is” conversation BRIEF, relax as best I can, and leave at cake cutting time.I like to sign the marriage license at dessert – it’s a nice, fun moment.

Doing weddings is tiring. We are at work. It is work. People don’t have any idea that it’s work, so protect yourself. You often have a full weekend of church ahead of you and may have even driven a significant distance to do the nuptials.

The worst dress code for clergy women, IMHO, is black tie or black tie optional. Men can, and should, wear their best suit and clericals. Robe for the ceremony and you’re all set. You should be really spiffed up and attend carefully to your grooming so that you’re not a disheveled embarrassment in photos with tuxedo’s and evening gown’d couples and their attendants.

WE ARE IN WEDDING PHOTOS FOR LIFE, FOLKS. WE NEED TO LOOK SPIFFED.

Women and femme people should, in theory, be able to add a bit of bling to a stunning black suit, but few of us own suits that are formal enough to do the job. Most of our suits are kind of frumpy. Mine are fine for professional appearances and funerals but they’re NOT semi-formal, which is a next level in cut, fit and fabric. So I always make sure I have one cocktail dress on hand for semi-formals, and although they’re not really dressy enough, they’re acceptable.

I am a minister. I don’t do sequins and shiny fabrics. Save those — clingy and cleavagey — for your own fancy nights out.

What I do to make sure I’m not going to frumpify wedding photos is to spend more time on my “head” — the fashion critic shorthand for hair and make-up. It is aesthetically jarring when I see photos of women all glammed up and the minister is bare faced and has floppy hair casually thrown back in a barrette or unstyled. Please make an effort!

This look took me twenty minutes. I’m wearing foundation, shimmer highlight, a smoky eye, eyebrows, blush and lipgloss (I’ll do a full lip later, closer to the ceremony). I worked dry shampoo through my hair and put it up in a French twist:

This is my “I’m honestly and truly super happy for you but it’s lousy out and I wish I could be home watching ‘Game of Thrones AND at your wedding” smile.

The earrings I’m wearing are a lot smaller and more low-key than I would pair with this outfit if I wasn’t doing a wedding, but statement earrings and robes look silly on me. I might switch them out for the reception.

Here’s my final outfit after having torn apart my dressing room trying on outfits and agonizing over what shoes to wear. I decided on boots. BOOTS ARE NOT appropriate for black tie but I’m working. My feet have been hurting this week. I don’t want to wear heels and the rest of my outfit is dark, seasonally appropriate and just fine. It’s raining like a maniac out there and I have a long drive. I put some bling around my neck so that I’ll look dressier for the inevitable reception table photo. So — boots. These boots. I shined them up, of course! I decided against my dressier pair because they keep ripping my panythose and I don’t want to wear opaque tights.

Click to enlarge

Off I go. The bride is Albanian and I want to practice a few phrases before I get into the car.

May 27, 2017

Wearing A Stole Over Street Clothes

Wuh-oh! I received an e-mail rant from a retired colleague who saw some photos on a Facebook page in conjunction with a conversation about wearing stoles over street clothes and begged me to, as she put it, “ride in on a white horse” and do something about what she considered outrageously inappropriate attire.

I heard the description of the photos and I agree: YIKES! However, I did not view the photos myself, and have asked my esteemed colleague to do the good, if often unappreciated, mentorly thing and contact the offending colleague herself.

But let me make some general observations and suggestions on the topic, ’cause that’s what we do here!

A stole is a liturgical garment. It should technically only be worn in liturgical settings.

HOWEVER, times and usage changes and so PeaceBang must address that. Now that PeaceBang has shifted into third person, you know she’s very serious.

Clergy these days have taken to flinging stoles over all manner of clothing and outerwear to signal to the public that they are religious leaders. They do this particularly in the context of social justice witness, and this has become so common that PeaceBang has to say, “Well, okay! This is a thing! So if it’s a thing, let’s do it right!”
Since we have no other authority to decide the matter, let us proceed.

What might we consider appropriate street clothes to wear with a stole?

You, wonderful minister or rabbi, may feel that throwing a stole over your protest message T-shirt is a fine and dandy way to appear in public. PeaceBang heartily disagrees.

Remember that while people are “reading” your stole and interpreting it to mean that you are some flavor of religious leader, they are also “reading” your Tshirt and making unconscious associations with it that affects their opinion of you: “I am a humble cotton garment worn in extremely informal settings. I have my origins in men’s underwear.” Why would you pair an important act of presence with attire that invokes extreme informality? Don’t allow your attire to undermine and contradict your message.

PeaceBang recommends that stoles be worn over actual clothing that professional adults wear. Interpret as you will.

Clergy who are in the habit of wearing stoles over street clothes should consider owning stoles of a couple different lengths.
The long stole properly belongs in church, where it will not flap around in the breeze or against jeans or casual pants. The chaplain length stole is a very nice option to have on hand. It’s neater and therefore more respectful.

Stoles are not cheerful little personal banners. They are ancient liturgical vestments that represent the yoke of ministry and the sanctity of the priestly office.

One need not don a mitre with a stole in non-liturgical settings, but one should most certainly not don a baseball cap. One or the other, gang. You may feel that your baseball cap and stole are a great combination of Serious Religious Person and Fun, Relatable Guy but PeaceBang feels that the combination signals, rather, Sloppy Minister Who Didn’t Feel Like Washing Their Hair Before the March, Who Has No Sense of The Gravity Of The Justice Issue. Just chillin’ in my baseball cap!

What are some better haberdashery options? Let’s hear them!

Stoles should never, ever, ever, ever be worn with shorts. PeaceBang is LAYING DOWN THE LAW on this one. If you must disagree, please do it out of her earshot. Remember the minister we heard about who officiated a funeral in the summer wearing madras shorts? That still pierces my soul. No one can ever undo the hurt that that show of clueless disrespect caused to the family of the decease.

Stoles are not a fashion accessory. They should not be worn as scarves to brighten up or formalize a comfy outfit to make it more clergytastic. If you choose to wear a stole over street clothes, please create an outfit that takes the stole into consideration. Consider the neckline of blouse — will it lie nicely with a stole over it? And women, stoles and cleavage are not a good mix. This is not because clergy shouldn’t have breasts or be sexy but because revealing cleavage is an evening wear, glamorous kind of look. Featuring cleavage while doing the work of ministry isn’t a problem because you’re a curvy gal but a problem because it looks like you don’t know how to find clothes that fit appropriately. Festivals of Inappropriate Sharing are a result of poor fit. Take the time to find a blouse or top that fits well, and consider using fashion tape or brooches to assist with fit.

When wearing a stole over a jacket, consider the cut and fabric of the jacket; will it work with the stole? How does the color scheme all go together, head to toe? And speaking of toes, stoles should not reach yours. They should fall no lower than mid-calf. Chaplain length stoles should be around abdomen length, or the top of your thighs as you are walking or wheeling.

Cheers, dears.

May 10, 2017May 10, 2017

Participating In Clergy Rites Of Passage

… or the prayer, or the Charge to the Minister, or the Charge To the Congregation at someone’s ordination or installation.

First of all, for the love of tradition and aesthetics and integrity, please do not just feel that you can make up the elements of these liturgies! Find out what a Charge to the Minister is, and what it is not.
It is not a wedding toast.
It is not a Comedy Central roast done clergy-style.
It is not an opportunity for you to wax rhapsodic about your own ministry.

Find out what your liturgical job is and do that. Ask trusted mentors. Research in your denominational archives. Learn what the tradition is, and prepare your role and only that.

Do the thing you were asked to do, and not what you were not asked to do.

If you were asked to give the prayer, do not grab the opportunity at the pulpit to do a 10-minute homily as a lead-in to the prayer. You weren’t asked to give the sermon, so don’t give one. Give a prayer and sit down. I was at an ordination recently where the praying guest snuck in a full homily before his prayer and I blame him and no one else for how hangry I got.

Okay. What else?

Prepare your beginning, your middle and your end. Know how you’re going to wrap up your piece of spoken word or ritual and get off the stage. If you don’t have a clear sense of where to go after your bit is over, ask the marshal.

Have you ever been in the congregation or on the chancel while someone allowed the energy to drop from a beautiful flowing movement to an awkward shuffling? If you watch carefully you can identify the very moment where a confident delivery becomes a tentative conclusion. Stick the landing! Stick the landing!

In conclusion, know what your role is in the service and prepare that. Just do that thing, not any of the other things.

February 2, 2017

Stoles For Ministers Of Music

Hello, dears,

I have a happy question to ask you.

I would like to have a stole commissioned for a Minister of Music in an Episcopal Church.

Do you have photos of and recommendations for designs and artists? I have someone in mind from whom I bought a gorgeous Advent stole this past summer but it never hurts to get glowing testimonials of liturgical artists. It’s been awhile since we shared those resources.

Since this person will be wearing a choir robe and playing the organ, we are thinking about lengths and designs that will allow for lots of arm movement. I appeal to ‘Piskies for input. You all have such a rich tradition of vestments with lots of fun names like “tippet.”

Thanks for weighing in!