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Crocs Rant

A darling reader (literally: that’s her last name!) alerted me to this hilarious rant against Crocs from the Washington Post.com.

Here’s where Ms. Givhans really winds up and lets us have it:

“Did someone say comfortable? Because this is a culture quick to justify wearing virtually anything in the name of comfort — pajama bottoms as pants, sneakers as business footwear, leggings in lieu of trousers, Uggs with miniskirts — Crocs now rival flip-flops as the most annoyingly omnipresent style of summer footwear. City streets are inundated with shuffling phalanxes of men and women with bright orange, yellow and red Bozo feet.

The shoes can look cute on children. But all those adults walking around in Crocs, going on about how comfortable they are, look like overgrown children. They are like the workday Peter Pans who carry backpacks in the city. Not grown-up leather backpacks, but the kind made of nylon with water bottles stuck inside a web of bungee cords and a canister of Bear Be Gone hanging off the side. They have mistaken their walk to the office for a climb to the summit of the Grand Tetons.

Why, oh why, must people assimilate perfectly reasonable, functional and cheeky sports attire into street clothes? Why couldn’t they keep their Crocs on the boat or in the garden?”

Girl, I FEEL YOU!

The occasion for the rant? It seems that Prez Bush went out for a bike ride wearing Crocs and SOCKS.

Lord have mercy.

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The Marquis De Sandal

A few years ago I was walking in New York City with SisterBang, who was wearing a pair of fabulous platform sandals I had given her because they killed my toes and cut off circulation.

As we traipsed along, she began to feel the pinch herself and said, “My God, these are like the Marquis de Sandal!”

We laughed and laughed, and you’re free to use the expression to describe your own ouchy shoes.
It goes like this: “I’ve got two blisters from these Marquis de Sandals!”

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Black Sneakers With Suits: Non, Non, Mon Freres

A newly-ordained colleague writes,

“Here is my pet peeve: ministers wearing black sneakers as though they substitute for black dress shoes. They don’t. Just because they are black does not make them an appropriate counterpart to a suit. (Okay, this mostly applies to men because I rarely see a woman doing this.)”

First of all, our blessings go to this newly-minted Rev., and we wish her every happiness and the deepest fulfillment of her calling!

Second of all, we thank her for making this important point. Guys, you’re not kidding anyone with those black Reeboks. Unless you have some kind of serious orthopedic issue — in which case you should just wear orthopedic shoes, there’s no shame in it! — don’t pair sneakers with a suit.

Did the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King walk all over Alabama witnessing for justice wearing sneakers with his suit? No, he did not. And PeaceBang feels certain that he would not have even if they had made black Reeboks back then. Some days, personal comfort is a fine consideration. When that is the case, you can wear something like this:
Clarks Neutron

When the situation calls for the most dignified presence you can muster, however, it’s time for shiny man shoes and nothing else.
Ecco Shoe
(These are by Ecco, so they’re actually not pinchy and stiff!)

Philocrites was wearing these the other day, and they’re really terrific for an everyday shoe:
http://tinyurl.com/2sho98
(Clark’s Oxfords)

Here’s a tip, darling gents: Dr. Scholl’s makes terrific squishy gel inserts, and if you do as PeaceBang and buy your shoes a half-size bigger, you can show up in a real shoe and still be comfortable on your feet all day.
http://www.drscholls.com/prodselect.aspx?pgid=7

But seriously, PeaceBang just cruised Zappos.com to look at men’s shoes and found oodles of great options on there that look nice and are extremely comfortable. Now she’s wondering why in the world so many men are walking around in hiking boots and galoshes when there are so many more elegant and equally practical options out there.

Is this a little bit of a Rev. Peter Pan situation, boys? Is this just about wanting to keep that youthful, I Might Just Go Hike Up a Mountain After This Board Meeting, Because I’ve Got Some GORP In My Pocket And I’m A Free And Wild Spirit, Baby edge? Because, sweeties, here’s how it reads to everyone else: “My Son Left His Black Sneakers In The Mud Room And I Couldn’t Find My Own Shoes Before Tonight’s Service So I Wore His.”

Remember what PeaceBang always says, “Well-shodliness is next to godliness.”

Wink, wink, kiss of peace!
PB

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Some Cute Boy’s Shoes

Wait a cotton pickin’ minute. I thought I got food poisoning from Heaven Cafe but I just found out that Michael had it too, on the exact same days! The plot thickens, but we can’t think of anything we ate the same except for some sorbet. It wasn’t the Revenge of the Lobster, because only Paul and I had lobster. But maybe God was smiting Michael anyway, for mocking the poor lobbie as we prepared it for our feast:
DSCN2633

We’ll never know.

But I did want to show you Paul and Michael’s shows, boys, because they are darn cute and I thought those of you who are currently frolicking about in Crocs and Birks might like to see them for inspiration’s sake:
DSCN2636

I don’t know the makes or anything, but I like the cuteness factor a lot. They manage to be shoes that aren’t sandals or sneakers, but not uptight Wall Street either.

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PeaceBang Is Watching You, Flip-Floppers!

PeaceBang is gasping! One of you li’l scalliwags has skipped over to another blogger’s site and rebelled against my NO FLIP-FLOPS decree!!

http://www.errantfrogs.net/?p=357

I am just MOMENTS from throwing a “Mommie Dearest” fit! “ELIZABEEEEEETHHHHHHHHH!!!! NO MORE FLIP-FLOPS!!! EVER!!”

My analogy about jeans, which wasn’t well-made on Froggie’s Blog, was that for an entire generation of church-goers, jeans are DUNGAREES. They are for working in the garden, not for wearing to church.

Flip-flops are flip-flops. You can put them on a 3″ wedge, dress them up with glitter and leather straps and add bells and golden monkey charms to them, but they’re flip-flops. They display the foot in an immodest way. They are beachy. If they are flat, they are most unflattering to the ankle and the calf, and NO ONE CAN WALK ELEGANTLY IN THEM. That in itself is the worst of the worst, and reason enough for you to avoid them in church.

I have a lot of damn hip, creative, progressive nonagenarians in my congregation. They are with it, funny, and very supportive of change and innovation. One of the women ran a shipyard back in the 1940’s, during the war. She is one tough, tiny bird. Until she and her descendants are gone to the Eternal, I shan’t disgrace her memory by wearing DUNGAREES or FLIP-FLOPS to church. That’s just how I feel about it.

For the record, I own five pairs of thong sandals and wear them constantly. Just not to church. To the MALL. Or to the BEACH. Or to the BACKYARD. Or out for ICE CREAM. See how many fun places you can wear your flip-flops? And your DUNGAREES?

I’m not a fan of the mule-style sandals either. You know why? Very few of us have the daintiness factor to walk well in them, either. Who wants to walk around with a cartoon bubble next to you going, *flap, flap, flap* or *clop, clop, clop* or *thwack, thwack, thwack* ??

We are not circus ponies. Nor are we members of a harem, with bejeweled little slippers that display the delicacy of our tiny toes and which inhibit us from running too fast. If I see you in those bling-encrusted flip-flops I’m going to pour ketchup on them and then run real fast away. And you won’t be able to catch me, because nyah, nyah, I’m the Gingerbread Man.