Barbie Is Not Beautiful (and Not Happy)

So today I was out doing the one productive thing I got accomplished all day (I’m supposed to be on study leave, but there was someone I really wanted to visit) and I stopped at the Stop & Shop where I saw this

TANOREXIC GLAMOUR MOM
with long, long skinny legs and no body fat whatsoever and all kinds of bone structure and long, champagne blonde hair.
She had two kids and she looked just like she stepped out of a porn movie, except that I haven’t seen a porn movie in several decades, so maybe they don’t look so much like blow-up dolls anymore.

Anyway, heads were turning everywhere to look at her, and I thought to myself, “Is that what we think is beautiful? Look at all the attention she’s getting. And yet, broken down element by element, this woman looks like a miserable, starved, over-peroxided Gucci bag.” People, she was tanned like a bag.

I figured someone thinks she should keep maintaining that look. I hope it’s herself and not some dude who snapped her up as a trophy wife and who tells her on a regular basis that she’s getting a little “hippy.”

Poor living Barbie. She really did look harried and deeply unhappy, even though she had two cute little squirts with her. All that blonde couldn’t hide the lines in her face and all that tan couldn’t hide the lacklustre ashiness of her skin. That girl needs some nutrition, and stat. Even her hair looked hungry.

Anyway, I wound up thinking that, although we look like two different species entirely, I was not missing anything by not trying to fit into that brand of beauty.

Meanwhile, please pray for me, as I am currently birthing a cow out of my butt. http://www.peacebang.blogspot.com
Thank you. I mean it.

Does God Call Us To Comfort In Any Wise?

When I had gone fully into elastic waistbands and full, hempen floppy look during my ministry in Maryland, I believed that comfort came first. I am a strong feminist, and I knew I could look appropriate and professional in comfortable clothes.

I had a few really sharp items for appearances at the state house or into Washington, DC for political activism, or for guest lecturing or conferences. I didn’t feel that it was necessary to compete in any sartorial way with really put-together professional women. I was, after all, a minister. A spiritual leader. Why should I make an effort to project any image in particular?

I believe that it is a point of feminist pride for most women to say, “I value comfort over fashion.” I am definitely not knocking Zorra for saying this in a recent comment, but grateful to her for reminding me how often I hear this among the clergy, and how strongly I protest its underlying sense of superiority and difference from other public leaders.

Let me say something about feminism and comfort. I believe that women in powerful positions should look powerful, or at least in control of their image and mindful of it. I believe that women in ministry have huge issues with power — ambivalence about its appropriateness, in the first place — and reflect that in their comfy Mother Earth outfits.

I don’t believe that we do justice to our calling by looking intentionally unconcerned with the dictates of fashion.

Place a female executive and a female cleric side by side (or a male executive and a male cleric, for that matter), and see who looks ready to lead, to make decisions, to command respect, and to take responsibility. It won’t be the guy in the tie with the children’s hands motif. It won’t be the woman in the batik muu-muu with the enormous pendant, the floppy cotton pants, and the sandals, with the big scrubbed face and the flat, unstyled hair.

Ministers today tend to visually project comfort, giving church-goers and religious seekers the idea that religious life is unthreatening and that it will require nothing of them beyond a juice-and-cookies kind of warmth and fellowship.

I don’t think this does justice to our calling or to the urgent relevance we assign to an engaged religious life.

I made a conscious decision when I moved to Massachusetts to tighten up, to buy some belts and zip-button trousers, to find a tailor, to wear heels, to hold myself accountable to fit into clothes of a determinate size rather than fill my closet with fat-accomodating “comfortable” items. I still have plenty of comfortable things, and I don’t spend a lot of time dressing up for every day, but I’m so glad I caught myself before I became another projector of the Church-Is-Like-Going-To-Grandma-And-Grandpa’s image.

I think this issue is dead serious, so I’ll refrain from my usual PeaceBang snarkiness. My readers can flood the comments section with testimonials about the beauty of their batik muu-muu or the theological justification for their Birkenstocks, and that’s fine. I hear you. I know you, and I love you. But I am trying to change the tide here, and that’s not going to happen by our individual defense of what is currently a woefully dowdy group of people who have a woefully dowdy public image.

Simply put, I don’t believe God calls us to comfort in the work of ministry.

P.S. When you wear structured clothing on a regular basis, they become comfortable. I can walk just as briskly in a fitted skirt as I can in a huge A-line tent. It took some getting used to, and yes, I have to be more ladylike getting in and out of the car. That’s not a bad thing. Heels are comfortable now. I purchase them carefully, with an eye for comfort and swifness of movement, and I possess many pairs that I can spend the day in with no pain at all.

Best of all, when I’ve put some effort into my outfit, I can stand side by side with any public leader in any profession and feel an equal, not like the One So Holy She Is Beyond Fashion, which actually translates to other people as One So Out Of It She’s Dressed Like a Frump.

Love And Care For All Of You

As we head into autumn and back-to-school time, it behooves even the cleric to think of the fall as a new start. No matter how chronologiclaly distant we are from living within the rhythms of the school year, the Fall Equinox and the Jewish High Holy Days give pagans and monotheists an equal opportunity to reconsider how we’re living and how we’d like to serve our Lord from a deeper, stronger and more beautiful place.

How will you head into the fall in terms of beauty and public persona?

Have you cleaned out your closet in the past few years? I mean REALLY cleaned it out? Been willing to part with (or have tailored) even slighty stained t-shirts, comfortably drab and sagging garments, favorite oldies that strain at the seams or fall off, bags whose straps are frayed and cracked, and literally holy socks and shoes? If you haven’t been willing to do so, you are embracing poverty not as a spiritual virtue but as a character flaw, and making a passive aggressive visual statement about how unvalued you feel. And that’s ugly.

Have you looked at yourself naked lately, taken a good honest look, been to the doctor, and honestly assessed how you’re treating your Temple? Have you gone beyond the numbers of weight, cholesterol, blood pressure, heart rate and pulse, T-cells, et al to ask yourself, “How do I feel in my body? Do we have a good relationship? Am I giving my body enough fresh air, rest, good food, movement, laughter, sex, joy, freedom? Am I cherishing this good gift well enough?

Does my physical exterior serve as an honest and appropriate representation of the state of my soul? If I look and feel shabby, can my spirit be far behind?

Have I cleared out poisonous chemical foods from my cabinet, thrown away dead spices, expired vitamins and medications, and changed the water filter lately? Am I giving myself facials with products that were given to me three Christmases ago and now have a thick layer of bacteria on the lid of the jar, because I was loath to use the gift as soon as I received it?

Am I bathing every day in a tub that I haven’t scrubbed in months, trying to get clean among soap scum and mold? Why? “

Friends, we are soldiers in the army of the Lord. I know some of you may shudder at the militance of that statement, but it’s Biblical and I embrace it. Our weapons in the fight are love and compassion, strength of spirit, joy, beauty, humor, and faith.
Those weapons are not instantly at our disposal simply for the wishing. We must clothe ourselves in this armor with intentionality and confidence, believing ourselves worthy to wear it. We cannot do this by slogging around entirely in our heads, regarding our bodies merely as containers for our big, impressive brains and stubbornly insisting on projecting hostility to an aesthetic sensibility shared by most of the world.

From head to toe, you are a vessel of God. It is not frivolous or selfish to love and care for the feet that take you walking through your parishes. It is not selfish or frivolous to ove and care for the arms that you wrap around the grieving. It is not frivolous or selfish to love and care for the face that shines on your people with the message of love and grace your words can never fully express. It is not frivolous or selfish to love and care for your hands, that do the work of Love both menial and mighty, or to vigilantly guard, love and care for your good hearts, that bear so much care on behalf of others. It is not overly luxurious or sinfully sensuous to love and care for all your epidermis, that clothes the miracle of what lies underneath. It is no sin to know who you are and care well and unapologetically for all of it, in the knowledge of Whose you are.

Go ye and groom ye to the high office to which you are called.

You’ve Got To Scrub

It’s got to be said, Beautiful People. It’s got to be said because I stood in line next to a priest at the deli today and he smelled like sweaty scalp.
Smelling like sweaty scalp is adorable if you’re my two-year old nephew and have just awakened from a nap. For anyone over the age of ten, it’s just yeeshy.

Summer air is gross. It is humid and makes us all look a little slick and dirty, like we’ve just had a hard work-out even if we’ve exerted no more effort that day than editing a few sermons (I just edited my Ash Wednesday sermon and have to say, it was a Jim Dandy!).

If your idea of bathing is to do a 30-second lather, you may need to bring out the bigger guns for the summer.

It just doesn’t do to be greasy and filmy, people of God. Shampoo. Lather, rinse and repeat if you have oily hair. Get out that washcloth and really scrub. Better yet, take a bath first to soak off all the dead skin (you must soak for at least ten minutes before you scrub if you really want to loosen the dead skin) followed by a tepid shower. Scrub your feet with a brush! Get rid of callouses if you’re a sandal-wearer. Moisturize at night with cotton socks over a nice foot balm. Aquaphor is absolutely marvelous, even if it is mostly just petrolatum. Burt’s Bees makes a wonderful, natural coconut foot balm, too, and then there’s the very swanky, lovely foot balm given me as a gift by Perigrinato — what was it, James? Something scented with cardamom that makes the cat all romantic and foot-licky. Nicest stuff I ever used.

Back to summer:
Keep that clean hankie in your pocket to mop delicatly at a perspiring face, and keep up with your skin care! Exfoliate! Moisturize (yes, even in the summer — try a serum if regular moisturizers feel too heavy)! Keep drinking water!

Be a cool glass of water on a hot day. Be the living waters to your parched people. Be nice to be near.
(But don’t use baby powder near your delicate parts, ladies. Stick with corn starch, not talc, products).

Lapses in personal hygiene that may be overlooked in the winter are not as easily forgiven in the summer. And that goes for your crusty elbows, too. Remember, you’re in short-sleeved shirts now.

PeaceBang recommends:

Sunshine Spa Herbal Salt Rub in Lavender or Rosemary/Mint for your feet and elbows:
scrub
Available at Amazon.com, Target and Trader Joe’s.

St. Ives Apricot Scrub (not for the face!! Body only!)

Burt’s Bees Coconut Foot Creme, available at Drugstore.com.

Davies Gate Cardamom Foot Butter (absolutely hedonistic and scrumptious!): http://tinyurl.com/mzcy4

Johnson & Johnson Pure Cornstarch Baby Powder.

A good, old-fashioned wash cloth and soap. PeaceBang’s favorite is Luxo Banho Creme: http://www.adiscountbeauty.com/page458.html

It Was Products Or Institutionalization, Darlings

Products purchased today:

Aveda Tourmaline Charged Radiance Masque: $27.50
Kiehl’s Lavender Foaming-Relaxing Bath with Sea Salts and Aloe Vera: $14.50
Kiehl’s Mineral Muscle Soak Foaming-Relaxing Bath with Sea Salts and Aloe Vera: $14.50
Luxo Banho Creme Soap Bar: $4.99

Funerals officiated over the past seven days: 2
Days of rain within the past 30 days: 37
Inches of rain today: 4″