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Cream, Ivory, White, Tan And Khaki

PeaceBang has noticed that a lot of men and women are walking around in neutral colors that look like hell on them.

A tip: When choosing neutral colored shirts and blazers, do bother to try the thing on for color. Tan is almost universally ugly on all skin tones. I don’t care if it’s on sale and it will “go with everything.” Put it back. It doesn’t “go” with your skin tone.

Darlings, trust me when I say it’s worth the wait to to find the right creamy ivory or gentle pink-tinged white that will brighten you up every time you wear your garment.

And don’t even think of wearing bright white without a little bit of make-up and hair do. Gentlemen, if you wear bright white, make sure you’re devastatingly well-groomed and shaved. White brings out every blotchiness and five o’clock shadow. Wearers of white must needs be crisp, crisp, crisp.

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Shine On, Stars

I’ve been writing for a short while now and realizing with every new post that I really don’t think this blog is silly or frivolous.

Here’s my exchange with Anonymous, who is 40-something and edging toward frumpiness by her own admittance:

http://www.blogger.com/publish-comment.do?blogID=26108851&postID=114650523129948728&r=ok

You know what it is, my dear and reverend friends?
It’s that men and women of the cloth should be anything but invisible. But for women especially, there’s the temptation to present as the non-threatening, comfy nurturing lady rather than the with-it, spirit-filled, camera-ready religious leader you need to be.

The world needs us. We should be immediately identifiable in a crowd as the people most fully inhabiting our bodies, spiritually realized, passionately present.
I know you can do that without a stitch of make-up and with orthopedic shoes on, but I know you can do it EVEN BETTER if you pencil in your eyebrows and are sporting some really kicking bit of apparel that makes you feel like a put together superstar.

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The Girls Need Your Attention, Too

Ladies, it falls to me to bring up a delicate subject of what my friend Peter calls “breasteses.”

Simply this: we have two breasts, not one large shelf of Breast, a pitiable condition sometimes known as “monoboob.” There are plenty of ways to amp up your bust without going under the knife. Here https://curvesfw.com/how-to-get-bigger-breasts-naturally/ is where breast enlargement creams can help you. Please guard against Monoboob. Your bra should have two clearly distinguishable cups, not one sling-type operation. The latter option is only acceptable in a sports bra, and we don’t wear our sports bra out of the gym or the hiking trail (unless it’s under a fitted blazer, in which case you can generally get away with it).

Also, ladies: we generally have two breasts, not four. Look in the mirror. Are there two small puppies straining over the cups of your bra to get out? If so, you need a new bra. Don’t be afraid to get fitted for one. I had it done last week and found out I’d been wearing a size too large. Quelle horror!

(Please do not laugh at the irony that all my work-outs are actually reducing the one part of my body I don’t mind being voluptuous.)

On a more serious note, do check to see that your blouse doesn’t gap in the front, thus distracting your congregants to existential ponderings about the exact nature of Victoria’s Secret. Just because it’s unconsciously inappropriate behavior doesn’t make it acceptable inappropriate behavior. Try not to commit this indiscretion, especially not during pastoral counseling.

On a truly serious note, don’t forget to do your breast self-checks on a regular basis and to schedule your annual mammogram. I know it pinches, darling, and I hate that sourpuss woman who refuses to laugh at any of my jokes just as much as you do. Just go.

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It’s Springtime: Lighten Up

I know it sounds silly but do consider your make-up and hair in the light of the new season, and I mean that literally.

As the sun gets stronger, those of you wearing dark lipsticks. eyeliners and heavy matte foundations with powder should be trading in for dewy skin, creme blushes, and sheerer lipcolor.

If you have colored hair, make sure the highlights are blended: the dramatic streak thing is okay for the winter (even though chunky highlights are OUT) but not appropriate for the brighter lights of spring and summer. Soften it and you’ll look rosier, I promise.

It’s a great time of year for a facial, and it’s a great idea to do your face and then take a mirror outside into direct sunlight. Like what you see? If not, adjust as necessary.

And don’t forget to throw out all of last year’s SPF products and start using protective moisturizer every day RELIGIOUSLY, which you should be doing all the time anyway. Use a dollop the size of a quarter since the manufacturers tell us constantly that we’re NOT USING ENOUGH for the product to work effectively. Give it time to set before using make-up, and as I said in an earlier post, do not depend on SPF in your make-up to provide adequate protection from the rays.

And get yourself a cheap pair of those fabulous big movie star sunglasses. They’ll add some pizzazz to your navy suit. You might tie a fun scarf around that bag of yours, too, and NO KNAPSACKS unless you’re in high school. Le Sport Sac products are distinctively frumpy, too. They have no shape, sweetheart, and shapeless bags don’t do anything for your own shape.

PeaceBang recommends: Last season’s Nine West bags, always on sale at TJ Maxx and Marshalls. Liz Claiborne makes a nice smart bag, too. And just LOOK at all these darling handbags on sale for under $10 at Target!!
http://tinyurl.com/r2kzf