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When Breath Kills

How well I remember approaching a colleague at an evening event and almost falling over at the first whiff of his garlicky breath. “Just come from dinner?” I inquired with a smile. “Yea,” he responded con brio. “We had Italian.”

“I would have guessed Greek,” I said, and slipped him a mint, brushing a bit of bread crumb off his beard (I thought it was feta cheese) and straightening his tie before sending him out to meet his public.

It’s a good thing he was speaking from a distance that night. Can you imagine the fate of the poor bed-ridden hospital patient receiving a visit from their pastor with such breath? If we believe in a healing God, we should not be Angels of Death Breath.

Darlings, thou shalt not leave the house without thy Altoids.

Even better are my favorite dental picks that you can get in handy little boxes from the health food store. I always have a box in my car and in my purse. They get out the icky food particles that cause bad breath and are dipped in refreshing, antibacterial tea tree oil, what a bonus!

PeaceBang recommends:
>Tea Tree Oil Dental Picks by Desert Essence, $3.25 for 100 at
http://tinyurl.com/gpv5d

>Carrying a hanky at all times

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On Nails

Sister of PeaceBang is all upset because she went on a date with a man who had seriously objectionable nail beds.

The thing is, PeaceBang knows just what she meant.

A quote directly from Sister,

“Some people are born with good nail beds! And it’s kind of Scandinavian, I think. But if you’re not born with beautiful hands you should do something about it, like trim your nails so that they’re not all pinched and grown together at the tips and all fragile and papery looking! And then push back your cuticles to let your nail beds breathe! It’s just a shame! People from the Midwest, I think, have good nail beds.”

Fellas, take a look. If you need a manicure, don’t be too much a man to admit it.
My father used to say that when he interviewed someone he always looked at their nails first and that greatly influenced his decision. He said that chewed, raggedy nails were the sign of a secret neurotic.

[Sister of PeaceBang knows that she sounds like a total nut, but as she says, “It’s okay because no one knows who I am, and at least I’m entertaining.”]

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Cream, Ivory, White, Tan And Khaki

PeaceBang has noticed that a lot of men and women are walking around in neutral colors that look like hell on them.

A tip: When choosing neutral colored shirts and blazers, do bother to try the thing on for color. Tan is almost universally ugly on all skin tones. I don’t care if it’s on sale and it will “go with everything.” Put it back. It doesn’t “go” with your skin tone.

Darlings, trust me when I say it’s worth the wait to to find the right creamy ivory or gentle pink-tinged white that will brighten you up every time you wear your garment.

And don’t even think of wearing bright white without a little bit of make-up and hair do. Gentlemen, if you wear bright white, make sure you’re devastatingly well-groomed and shaved. White brings out every blotchiness and five o’clock shadow. Wearers of white must needs be crisp, crisp, crisp.

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Jeans And T-Shirts

A woman minister who blogs as Pink Shoes wrote after Easter about how she doesn’t want to shop for a pair of new jeans because she’s not best friends with her body right now.

A few comments on jeans, my dears:

Stylish, please. There is no reason for frumpy “mom jeans.” Jeans are very stylish now and have been for years. You shouldn’t be making professional appearances in Levi 501s. You should invest in a flattering pair of dark denim jeans with some fashion edge to them. There’s no excuse not to; even if you weigh in the upper poundage, as Lane Bryant stocks LOADS of cool styles.

A bootcut is very nice. And yes, you must check the rear view. They should FIT. Ministers do have derrieres, and there’s no reason we should look like we could fit a HarperCollins Study Bible and Concordance in our pants. That’s why we have stylish bags, darlings.

A word on t-shirts, another item of apparel that has made it into the workplace:
a touch of spandex makes a world of difference, girls. They give a “t” some shape and fit, both of which you should be looking for. Those Hanes 100% cotton jobbies you’ve been sneaking under your blazers and sweaters need to GO. Save them for yard work. They’re shapeless and hideous, and after they’ve been through the wash and several messy dinners, make rags out of them. Don’t think we can’t see those stains and that we’re not distressed by the shapeless neck.

Talbots makes a nice t-shirt with a touch of spandex. Macy’s has a boatload of good options, too. A decent t-shirt will generally cost more than Hanes, but you don’t need every bloody color in the rainbow. A black, a white and a cream will do to start.