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Abundant-Bodied Petite Pastor Cries For Help

Dear PeaceBang,
I found your blog not too long ago while I was looking for some vestments tailored for women…a difficult search as we both know.

I’m in my first call as a Lutheran pastor in the Washington, D.C. area – brand new to the area – and I’ve found reading your blog is like having a friend who knows my pain! 🙂

Anyway, to my dilemma…
I’m under 30, single, short (5’2) and plus sized (18). I have found that one of the most flattering looks for me really is a suit jacket…tailored, emphasizes that I do indeed have a waist, covers up really ugly clergy shirts, helps people older than me take me seriously, etc.
BUT…it is now approaching the humid summer months of swampy D.C. and I can’t go on wearing things over my clergy shirts just to “create smooth and clean lines”. Any thoughts on summer looks for clergy in more formal offices who already have challenges finding clothes that fit their petite and wide frame?
Thanks!

Oh honey, I so feel your pain!!
MAN, do you I feel your pain. We’re the same approximate size! We can swap clothes! But first, your dilemma.

I think the Belt is going to have to be your good friend. A belt, you see, will give you that waist that you want, and will neaten up the icky blouse. Also, finding excellent skirts and trousers will really keep you sane — and I’m taking skirts that don’t drown your bottom half in tons of fabrics (try the Style, Inc. line or “inc.” — they make nice professional skirts for chunky short chicks like us), but are have clean lines and to which you can add a smart belt and great shoes.

Definitely show some leg. I wear Spanx-like tummy-thigh trimmer shorts under skirts so I am free of pantyhose. I fake-tan my legs and it all looks fine.

As far as trousers go, make sure they FIT AT THE WAIST AND BUTT and THIGHS and have a nice gentle flare at the bottom. You’ll (we) need that balance. I don’t know if you have the dreaded tummy bulge that I have (my torso is basically a set of tires balanced on top of each other), but get a good slimmer, tuck that bloody shirt in, and add a nice belt. Don’t wear a big pendant and a belt — you’ll cut yourself all up. Either pendant or belt, not both. Wear nice earrings, do up your face, keep your hair looking shiny and great, carry fresh white hankies to dab at your face in that humid heat, and you’ll be great.

I give myself dispensation to wear an open-toed shoe when I have to wear a collar in the summer. I wear 3″ platform sandals, tuck my shirt into black flared trousers, wear biggish earrings and decide just to funk it up. Also, a nice thick wristwatch provides some balance, too.

Sorry to be so rambly!
Let me know how it goes!

Love, PeaceBang

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Readers of all shapes and sizes,
Belts are very fashionable right now, and they really can add a nice, polished dimension to a simple outfit. Gals, got a clean, unwrinkled nice tee-shirt and a terrific pair of trousers? Add a lovely belt, some nice earrings, a chunky bracelet and voila, you got yourself an outfit.

Guys, got some pressed khakis and an Oxford? Add a belt and you’ll look even more ready for your day!

Tip for full-figured gals: a belted, fitted shell looks very nice under a blazer or cardigan. It adds a waist, but only if the belt isn’t too wide (super wide belts are in right now, but don’t be fooled — you’ll just look dissected).

P.S. Dears, I’m having a hard time finding elegant, well-fitting shells lately — everything’s either the tacky, ribbed “wife-beater” style (I’m sorry, I know it’s an offensive name) or a camisole with spaghetti straps and a too-low neckline. Any tips?

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Simplify

Hi gorgeous people!

It was an absolutely lovely day today and after I spent four hours in the library working on a paper, I went for a walk and watched for a few minutes as 5 year old boys played a game of T-ball. The cuteness quotient was definitely 100%. One squirt would smack the ball, about five little dudes would fall all over themselves trying to catch it — and miss — and when one finally ran after it and retrieved it, he’d toss it to first base, where the baseman would fail to catch it. Meanwhile, the batter would still be standing there at the T while one of the coaches yelled, “Go! Go! Go run to the base! Atta boy!”

Every single batter got to first base. There were no “outs.” Everyone had a chance at bat. In some cases, and I’m not sure why, some little guys had the ball actually pitched to them by one of the dads, who stood about 3 feet away and lobbed the ball over the plate over and over and over again, saying the same encouraging words each time. Patience of a saint, I tell ya. It was really sweet.

I forgot to tell you that all the little guys were wearing UNIFORMS! Tiny t-shirts paid for by Cathay Hanover restaurant and a local tire store. Also, of course, shrimp-sized baseball caps and pants. Too adorable.

So anyway, it’s that time of year that I just want to pull on a pair of jeans and a tee-shirt in the morning and get out in the day, which is how I spend my summers. I don’t really want to wash my hair and style it, or to wear any make-up or to think about what matches or fits. I stopped getting my nails done about 6 weeks ago, and my paws look all chewed and awful. I haven’t had lots of special events lately so I’ve just accepted it for now. I’ve been getting my nails done about every two weeks for four years and I’m on a break, mama!

I’m only doing full make-up for Sundays and special-ish occasions now — the rest of the time it’s lipstick and mascara and maybe some blush. Every single one of my weight loss efforts have been short-lived and unsuccessful, so I’m in a phase of “just try to be healthy, just be comfortable without going to Slobsville.”

And I’ve done something very helpful that I recommend to you, too: I went into my closet and took out about 75% of my stuff so that the only garments that remain are things that fit, that I like well enough to actually wear, and that are season-appropriate.

Sometimes it helps to remove visual clutter.

Summer_vacation_is_coming! Lord, hear our prayer!

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Welcome, Powder Pigeons!

To readers old and new,
Thank you for swinging on over to PeaceBang’s new site, designed and swankified by the marvelous Scott Wells, in a magnificent gesture of Karma (who knew that officiating at your dear friend’s nuptials would earn you this kind of solicitude down the line? We should all be so lucky!).

Things we love about this new site:

  • It has categories! So helpful for you to find what you need!
  • It has spam filters! No more need to manually delete e-garbage, or even to see it any more!
  • It has snazzy visual elements that I hope will make the reading experience more fun.
  • No more nervous breakdowns trying to sign into Blogger and getting glitchy error messages!
  • So much easier to incorporate into the new PeaceBang Empire website that we’ll introduce sometime this summer or fall!
  • More neat stuff in general, and not so confusing that it makes my brain hurt.We hope you love it, and we love you for being here.

Kiss of peace,
PB

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Pore Minimizer

Way back when, someone wrote to me asking how to minimize pores.

Now, for those of you without a HUGE PORE situation, this may sound like
the most petty of concerns ever. Who cares about the size of your pores, you may ask, as you reach for your second dessert of the night and wonder off-handedly why your pants feel so loose. Because you’re that kind of person, aren’t you? You’re that effortlessly cute guy or gal who never has to worry about LARGE PORES. And I bless you. You are excused. Go have another Dove Bar.

PeaceBang once had a smooth face, and has found it quite disconcerting lately to note that her complexion occasionally resembles the exterior of an orange. PeaceBang loves oranges! Oranges are beautiful creatures! But I like to eat them, not see them when I look in the mirror. When I see mondo pores, I just feel much older than I should. I’m not ready for big pores. My mother has big pores.

So I did some investigating of the matter and found this excellent, but expensive product, Dermadoctor Pictore Perfect Pore Minimizing Solution. dermadoctor.jpg

It really works. It is not a pleasant, pretty-smelling product, but it works. You apply it to clean skin — and here’s an important detail — you have to leave it on all day or night to really see a difference. I wore it one night and saw an amazing difference in the morning, but I also had puffy eyelids. This stuff is no messin’ around! The good news is that as soon as I washed my face, the puff went away and I still had nice pores.

So there you have it, darlings. PeaceBang has once again ventured out into the Product Jungle on your behalf and brought you back a catch.

Enjoy, and let me know what works for you.