Wedding Attire: Take Your Cues From The Guests

Hi Darlings!

PeaceBang has two weddings this weekend, and you know what that means for all pastors: WHAT SHOULD I WEAR?

Truth, right? We’re all set to do the ceremony: THAT’s no problem. I’ve done hundreds. But I’m never sure what to wear, because while it’s not necessary that I get as dressed up as the guests, it IS necessary that I don’t want to stand out like a Sore Thumb Frumpy Underdressed Minister at the reception, should I choose to attend it (and in this case, I do).

So here’s what I do. I dress however I like for the wedding rehearsal, remembering that that, too, is a formal-ish occasion and I should be dressed professionally. If the rehearsal is in my church I just wear upscale office attire. No sweat.

When the wedding is at another venue, however, I make my best guess as to what will be appropriate for that setting and I then I observe how the other women at the rehearsal are dressed and take my cues from them for the wedding itself.

So, last night I had a rehearsal at a beachy setting and I dressed like this. It was a beautiful, breezy, cool day. I’m wearing a blue and black chevron striped maxi skirt, a black camisole with lace trim and a black cotton open cardi with a ruffle trim. Sandals, because I knew I’d be outside on uneven ground and I was in an accident on Sunday and have whiplash. Comfort was top priority. I felt pretty lousy and skipped my usual constraining undergarments. The sandals are not PeaceBang Approved, but when one has whiplash and feels dizzy and nauseated, one makes allowances [Click on images to enlarge].

Then I remembered about wind and beaches, and I did this to my hair to keep it from flying into my mouth.

At the rehearsal, all the ladies were wearing snazzy navy flower girl dresses and heels for days, so I thought to myself, “Ah ha, my comfy little cotton get-up is a NO-GO for this group! I better not be wearing flats on the wedding day, man. Not with this snazzy crowd.” Because I did inquire with the ladies about heels and every single one of them said they would be wearing high wedges. “It’s a WEDDING,” one of them said when I commented on the level of commitment to heels even on uneven ground. That was my cue. “It’s a WEDDING.” You don’t argue with that, darlings. You get out your own heels or super nice shoes and you do not ignore those very helpful cues as to what appropriate wedding garb means to that particular group of people.

I don’t own any snazzy dresses because I’m a black suit kind of girl and I wouldn’t even wear a snazzy dress if I was going to a dear friend’s summer wedding (opting more probably for something Bohemian and bosomy), so this morning I shopped my closet. What can I wear to this wedding? My robe, probably, unless it’s 90 degrees, in which case I’ll put together a pseudo-robed outfit for the service. The difficulty for me is that I prefer black for formal events, and a summer beachy wedding is not the time for black. I found this jacket, which I hate, but which I can suffer for one evening. Note the necklace, which will dress it up (I hate the lace detail, which makes it look like a bed jacket to me). Lord, how I love statement necklaces: they can redeem so many dreary outfits!

I just decided to give away all my cheap cotton dresses from Target and Old Navy that cling most unbecomingly to my lumps ‘n’ bumps, because enough with that. I hate the way the cheap, sad material makes me feel and I’d rather squeeze into a slightly-too-snug LBD (Little Black Dress) than throw one of those comfy-jammy items over my head and kid myself that I’m appropriately dressed. That material is really only suitable for a nightgown, let’s face it. If the LBD is still too L, I’ll dig out a black skirt and try to avoid FrumpyTown by wearing fun shoes like this:

Or this,

Accessories are everything. You can have a very limited formalwear closet, but if you have a few whizbang pairs of shoes, some great jewelry and a nice bag, you can pass muster with the simplest of outfits. This goes for gents, too. Details matter, tip to toe.

But the point is, it is only polite to follow the cues set by the wedding party as far as dress code for a wedding. Whether you are attending the reception or not, you should not attract attention for how much less formal you are than everyone else. Make sure you stock your closet accordingly.