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Formal Wear

As the holidays approach, we often find an event or two on our calendars that require us to step it up a notch or two (or three) satorially-speaking. I have spoken at length in the past about Fighting Frump over the holidays, and I encourage you to review this post called “Ho, Ho, Ho, I Swear!”

Gals, don’t get all screamy at me because I must say it: dressing up requires some make-up and attention to your hair and nails! Consider this part of the PeaceBang Orthodox Doctrine. Unless you are so naturally glowing and beautiful and super-famous for being an Earth Mother, like Jane Goodall, you just won’t look right. You’ll look undone. Trust me, my doves.

Let’s look at some photos together, shall we? They’re all from the Glamour Women of the Year Awards of November 10th, and I’m pretty sure no clergyperson was in attendance. I could be wrong. However, Jezebel.com was kind enough to post these photos of celebrities that I’m going to use to make various points (& you can click on each image to make it bigger):

First of all, here’s Jane. I mean, she’s carrying a stuffed monkey as an accessory, so she’s clearly a maverick. This whole “I -just-left-the-dojo” look totally works on her, because she spends the majority of her time in the jungle hanging with primates. She’s a saint.

If you or I show up looking like this, though, we’re probably just going to look messy. I’m just guessing. Well, I’m not just guessing, actually, ’cause I seen it with my own eyes too many times.

Yes, I know that actress Natalie Portman is stunning and thirty years younger than most of us, but this is a beautiful example of minimalist make-up that looks smashing with a formal gown. You simply cannot wear formal black and go bare-faced. And just ’cause I know you want to know, here’s a link to my post on the Perfect Neutral Lip. (So what do you think of her gown?)

Here is the magnificent Hillary Clinton in chocolate brown. Her hair and make-up are fabulous. Look and learn:

Bright lips, glowing skin, soft, full hair (harder to get that than it looks, right? Spritz some volumizer on your roots, use a thickening gel if you have fine hair, and blow dry with a round brush ), a gorgeous, rich-toned necklace framing her face — love it.

What I don’t love so much is the cut and fit of this gown:

Shiny material highlights sloppy fit at bosom, and frankly, she needs a better bra. It’s not about sex, it’s about fit. Clumped up material at waist makes her look thick around the middle and the gathering at the seams there also adds volume, so why is that sash even there? And why are we seeing exposed elbow? PeaceBang has serious disapproval on this particular detail. Elbows are rarely attractive. Why in the world would one design a dress that not only revealed them, but highlighted them? Oh, for a proper 3/4 length sleeve, at least!

But do you see how those minor flaws don’t matter because she’s so luminous? If Hill had walked in bare-faced with flat hair, it would have been Frumparama. Her posture helps, too. And look to thine own, pigeons, because PeaceBang has been noticing some slouchy clergy out there lately. Shoulders back.

Here’s the former vampire slayer, Sarah Michelle Gellar, showing us that one simple accessory can bring dazzle to a very simple outfit. Do you LOVE that bracelet? Yum!!!

So her nails are all wrong and she’s wearing too heavy a stocking and shoe for that gown, but she’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, she can do goth details and get away with it.

Granted, Ms. Gellar’s gown is probably couture and costs a bajillion dollars, but my point is that IF your face, hair and nails are done, you can wear something tailored, add one eye-catching, major piece of dazzle, and be done with it. I get invited to so few really dressy events that I wear a black suit, high heels, a silk camisole of some kind (you only see a peek of it) and a huge pair of really nice, blingy earrings. I (very occasionally) pay $20 to get my hair done, do dramatic make-up, and I’m set. I do own a couple of nice clutch purses and those add to the illusion that I’m dressed in formal wear, when all I’ve done is add height and drama to a classic suit.

I’m telling you, all you need is heels, great posture, bigger hair than usual and some bling and you’re 80% of the way there.

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Thanksgiving Ideas And Manners

Hello, my pumpkin pies,

PeaceBang is in the midst of Thanksgiving Madness just now and won’t be blogging for the next week or so. Do enjoy the archives whilst I prepare hearth and home for the holiday. Meanwhile, keep writing it with inquiries and I’ll respond after I’ve roused myself from the chaise lounge where I will have collapsed with a dish towel over my eyes.

Remember: if you’re visiting friends or parishioners for the big day, don’t arrive empty-handed,* compliment the cook even if his or her eats give you heartburn and high blood pressure (you can always sneak out for a Big Mac on the way home), and help wash dishes even if he or she makes little “shoo-go away” gestures (PeaceBang used to do this but now throws an apron at her guests and says, “Go for it!” while she kicks back with a glass of wine. After all this grocery shopping, cleaning and preparation? Are you kidding? What kind of martyr was I?). If dining with parishioners, watch it with the booze. Be prepared to offer the blessing over the meal and observe family dysfunctions that aren’t your own, for a change.

* TEN HOSTESS GIFT IDEAS:

1. A bottle of Prosecco — fun bubbly for under $15! Do NOT bring cheap wine whose quality you cannot vouch for to a nice dinner. This puts your host/ess in the embarrassed position of feeling obligated to serve it, and that’s not fair. At least be prepared to drink it if you bring it (hosts and hostesses, it’s perfectly good manners to tuck away all gift wines for later use, which PeaceBang always does although her friends generally have darned good taste in wine.)
2. A big bunch of fresh sage or mint from your garden.
3. 3-4 bottles of pretty seltzer water with a fresh lemon or lime (always welcome, always get used eventually).
4. A nice bottle of hand soap tied with a bow (TJ Maxx always has them for under $5).
5. A jar of fleur de sel or nice olive oil for the serious cook. Trader Joe’s has wonderful affordable options.
6. A pair of taper candles in neutral or autumnal colors.
7. A small bouquet of flowers (nothing overly fragrant or fancy) that you are prepared to put in a vase of your host/hostess’s choosing as instructed (it’s a help).
8. An offer of a good shoulder rub after dinner (and make good on it!). If that doesn’t appeal to your talents, why not offer to be the Event Photographer; something your hosts won’t have time to do but would truly appreciate!
9. Something super practical, like the time someone came over with a stack of tupperware containers which were SO useful for doling out leftovers after dinner! Great idea!
10. Fill a small jar with chunky sea salt. Sprinkle with a few drops of some essential oil (lavender or rose or rosemary, or whatever combination you like). Shake well. Tie with a sweet bow and give it to your hosts for a refreshing bath or foot soak.

HOW TO BE A GOOD THANKSGIVING GUEST:

1. R.S.V.P. in a timely fashion. Don’t make your hosts scramble to accommodate you at the last minute.
2. Don’t assume you can bring a guest to a formal dinner: ask first. If you’re not close friends with the hosts, don’t ask at all. There may be constraints of budget or space that your host or hostess would rather not reveal, and you may be causing more stress than you know with your inquiry. Again, this doesn’t apply to pals whose home and general financial situation you know can accommodate a few more pilgrims.
3. Arrive on time, or close to it. If your hostess says that drinks are at 3 and dinner at 4pm, don’t come at 4:15. A formal sit-down Thanksgiving dinner is a complex and highly-choreographed event involving many dishes in and out of the oven; you may actually ruin dinner if you hold things up. Don’t. If you get held up, have the courtesy to phone and give your hostess permission to start without you. If she has leeway, she’ll let you know, but consider the timing of the meal and respect the parameters of the invitation. A sit-down meal is NOT the same as a buffet casual dinner party.
4. Help the hostess by mixing and mingling yourself. Because of the nature of Thanksgiving dinner, your host/ess may have to be in the kitchen in the early stages of the party. She will not be offended if you abandon her to go eat appetizers around the fire and visit with other guests. In fact, she’d prefer it. That’s why the appetizers are there. If the appetizers are set up in the kitchen, get yourself a drink and by all means bug the cook.
5. If your host or hostess is single, make yourself a secret Party Spouse. Pick up plates and glasses and bring them to the kitchen. Keep the fire going. Fill the ice bucket. Entertain the children. Answer the door. Be a good fairy.

Thank your hosts before you leave, send a thank you note within a week (unless they’re good personal buds, in which case an e-mail is fine), and return the hospitality if at all possible. Pay attention to detail so that if you have the good fortune of being invited back next year, you can contribute something (“Linda, it must have been so much work to peel all those potatoes, why don’t I make the mashed potatoes this year?”). And that, my friends, is called the lost art of good manners and social etiquette.

Beloveds, may your turkeys or tofu casseroles be succulent and may your prayers of gratitude be sincere. PeaceBang is thankful for you.

[Update: Even the Boston Globe’s Miss Conduct preaches the gospel of PeaceBang! ]

Table, Thanksgiving
 (I did little cafe tables like this last year but this year we’ll go back to one long table)
Pie Open House

(Photos from La Casa de PeaceBang, Thanksgiblets 2006)

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Christmas Gaudery

Thank GOD Regina had the good sense not to don tacky Christmas sequins and reindeers in PUBLIC and to have it captured on videotape for her congregation’s holiday greeting. Regina, I am rushing off to the gym so won’t be able to give this the attention it deserves but for the rest of you, hear ye, hear ye. She writes,

My church pastors (I am one,and the only female) recently filmed a Christmas greeting to be aired on local cable channels. We were invited to dress in our holiday finery (read: felt appliques, sequins, beading — gawdy!!). I do own some of these, but couldn’t bring myself to put them on. Probably your influence caused me to question the appropriateness of this kind of dress for this occasion. Your thoughts??

Congratulations! PeaceBang pops a cork for you, Regina, my queen. How WISE of you to understand that while Christmas is a time for tacky excess and sartorial tragedy in the secular world, it is a time for church people to remain calm, cool and centered in Christ. By all means wear a pretty red scarf tucked inside your suit or an elegant snowflake pin, but hold it at that. Why in the name of Balthazar should a pastor wear tinfoil decorations hanging from her earlobes or a big, ugly poinsettia sweater and look like the rest of the frantic, festivity-desperate folks out there when she has the Reason For the Season close at hand and heart every day of the year?

Yes, that was a breathless run-on sentence, but you must understand how ARDENTLY PeaceBang desires you, my reverend pigeons, to remember who and what you are and are not at this season. I learned this lesson most beautifully in 1997 when I was in seminary and went on silent retreat on Christmas Day to grieve the loss of the holiday (I knew that leading two Christmas Eve services would leave me in no condition to travel the next day to spend time with my family) and to transfer my Xmas expectations from presents to Presence.
I spent three nights in silence with the Cistercian sisters in Wrentham, MA, who treated Christmas Day as just another day to praise God and adore Christ. After vespers I went for a walk and saw their only concession to the holiday: at the top of their barn was a simple, pure, 4′ lit-up star.

O Holy Night!

This isn’t to say that I gave up entirely on Santa from that point on, you understand. I mean, a girl can’t give up on Santa. A little bling at the holidays never hurt anyone, and I’m sure a gift certificate to Sephora or Ulta isn’t going to endanger anyone’s immortal soul, either. Everything in moderation, dumplings, even moderation.

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Ho Ho Ho, I Swear!!


holiday top
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

Fasten your seatbelts, everyone — ’cause ready or not, we’re skidding into the holidays!

Let PeaceBang help you avoid some common holiday season pitfalls.

The holidays are about thanking God for abundance, for celebrating the birth of Christ, the return of the Sun, the light that would not go out, the affirmation of community values, and… did I forget one?
Oh yes, the permission to drink champagne and make-out with a good looking stranger at midnight. Praise the Lord!!

Seriously, though, this is one time of year that we must really stand apart and model a more sane, sober presence, health, groundedness, peacefulness and good will. Lots of folks are going to get terribly depressed trying to meet all the expectations of the holidays: how are they going to feel coming to you if you’re wearing a huge blinking Santa tie and plush reindeer ears in a show of seasonal jollity? The answer is, they’re probably not. Who wants to sit in a chair and confide their spiritual pain to someone with huge Christmas tree decorations dangling from her earlobes?

We’re talked about the horrible cutesie holiday-themed wear you shouldn’t get anywhere near. Let’s talk about other holiday pitfalls, fashion and other-wise:

(1) Dress like you always do, only better.

Just because it’s the holidays doesn’t mean you can appear at parties sporting monster cleavage or super-vampy footwear. PeaceBang is all in favor of cleavage and vampy footwear, but not at congregational gatherings. Stick to beautiful, tailored items: a velvet blazer with a nice pair of trousers or a skirt for Rev. Suzy, a lovely red sweater and tie for Pastor Biff. Winter white can be beautiful and suggest purity at a very cluttered time of year: check it out.

Ladies, no glittery hose or really short skirts. Think understated elegance. On the other hand, do spruce up. That shapeless, long, tan corduroy skirt is not party wear, not even with a snowman sweater (which you should give away immediately).

Men, unless you’re tending the bar at a party or passing out appetizers, there should be nothing like this:

christmas elf

(2) They’re At a Party, You’re Making a Pastoral Call

Women, your best bet for the holidays may be simply to add a beautiful, snazzy shell under your favorite dark suit. Throw on a huge decorative pin, a pair of heels, a nice bright lipstick (nothing pink or coral) and you’re good to go. You can wear it all season to everything: people understand that you’re in constant attendance at events throughout the holidays. Don’t feel you have to have a new dress for each occasion. A suit says much better than a dress, “I’m here at this party but this is still a professional appearance for me, so don’t keep refilling my glass.”

(3) Don’t Skid Out

Speaking of which, drunkeness is ugly, sweet pertaters. Don’t use the holidays as permission to get drunk (or even dangerously tipsy) with any church-related persons. Stick with the unspiked eggnog and prepare to smile tolerantly at the humiliating antics that may be going on around you. You’re lucky to have been invited. Be gracious, keep conversations short (you surely don’t want to collect boozy confessions, do you?), and leave as early as you can get away with. Then go drink spiked eggnog with your personal friends. All you want. Just make they’re prepared to have you spend the night.

(4) Keep Your Diet To Yourself

Think twice before telling people that you do not want sweet treats as a gift. Remember what Jesus said about parading your virtue around in public. PeaceBang once asked her congregation not to contribute to the amplification of her waistline around the holidays, but they just kept doing it. What PeaceBang learned is that people love to give yummy gifts, and the only gracious response is to thank them for it, and either eat it or share it. That plate of cookies can go right over to your spiritual director’s office with a fresh bow on it, and that’s what I call a win-win situation!

(5) Stick With Your Best Basics, And Visit Your Dry Cleaner Often

You’re going to be on the run from just about now through January. Get everything cleaned and pressed and organize your closet today, before it all really hits. Line up your snow boots, shine up a pair of nice shoes and take them to the office so you don’t have to preach in duck boots, and stock up on clean hankies. You do not want to be sewing buttons on the morning of Christmas Eve services — do it all now. Check your socks and pantyhose supply, and make sure the lint roller is handy. Put a roll of breath mints in your bag, your car and your desk, and take your vestments to the cleaners.

This is not the season to agonize about accessories. You don’t have time. Try on a few outfits, make sure they fit and are presentable, and rotate them.

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If You Must: Holiday-Themed Garments and Footwear


DeckTheHeels
Originally uploaded by Peacebang.

If you simply must do Christmas themed footwear, let it be something wild and whimsical (and painful enough to break you of the habit) like this:
JUST KIDDING, little elves!

And not these. I get a cavity just looking at them:

holiday horror

As we approach Advent, please consider what kind of statement you are making with overly cutesie-poo reindeer, sweater and Santa Claus sweaters, sweatshirts and earrings. Every time you wear those big candy cane earrings, you’re unconsciously visually allying yourself not with the spirit of Christ, but with the mall. Consider: do you really need to contribute to the visual cacophany that is the holiday season? Is it festive or is it garish?

Try this instead: Add a bit of sparkle. Wear a bright, beautiful tie. Shine your shoes and wear red socks. Wear winter white and beautiful boots. There’s no need to dress like a nursery school teacher this season. That’s not who you are.