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Lanky Peeps

Pookies, please help A., who writes with this urgent question,

I am a plus size tall (5’10’) gal who is really frustrated that stores just don’t seem to carry tall sizes. I pass through aisles and aisles of petite clothing to find a store clerk who informs me they just don’t carry talls in their store. Why is that? It seems counter-intuitive to me since if a pair of pants is too long, there’s always the option of getting it hemmed, but we amazons have no options when faced with a pair of Erkel-like pants landing 4 inches above our ankles.

I know petites have clothing woes too, and I’m all sympathy. But I’m tired of having cold ankles because I can’t find pants long enough!

Any suggestions?

A! As I wrote to you off-line, I suspect this is all a matter of finding certain designers or manufacturers who tend to cut their clothing more generously. Men can always go to the Big & Tall stores (and guys, if you do go there, can you tell us if the clothes are decent, or ghastly, or what? And if the latter, where do YOU go to find long-enough shirts and slacks?) but alas, PeaceBang has yet to see a store called Long-Limbed Babe.

She has noticed, however that plus-sized store Ashley Stewart seems to cut their clothes for Women of Grand Stature, which is why she never finds anything that fits her there. Lands End plus-sizes also tend to be cut longer, if memory serves, and Lane Bryant definitely stocks a Tall pants category. If you can’t find your size that day in the store, they’ll ship it to you for free — which is a nifty customer service option that saves you the trouble of hunting it down online yourself. Ulla Popken is another company that comes to mind since every time I tried on clothing in their store (there aren’t many, but I used to live near one), I joked that it’s too bad I’m not a Scandanavian Amazon, because all of their garments seemed to be designed for them. Seriously — their skirts weren’t just too long on me, they dragged on the floor. Ulla is expensive stuff and I also don’t love the shapelessness of the designs (I have the same complaint with J.Jill), but like everyone else, they have SALES!

Readers, what say you? What have you found that works?

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Flowered Cardigan And Full Coverage Tanks (Know Your “Staples”)

This plus-sized flowered cardigan is on sale for about $17 at CJ Banks:

flowered-cardy

I’ll be rocking this with my little black dress, bright red lipstick and ankle-strap black pumps to the 50th anniversary party I’m going to at the end of the month. Fun! Danceable! But also multi-purpose: I can wear this sweater with jeans and a T-shirt, I can wear it to church with a full-coverage tank, a black skirt and either of two pairs of green shoes (green can be surprisingly neutral).

That’s one loud print, but it’s unmistakably me. The moment I saw it online, I could see it on myself and see myself feeling confident, comfortable and appropriately dressed for the occasion. Bam. That “aha” feeling is the one I’m always after when I’m choosing clothes and accessories. It says, “I know who I am, I know how I want to look, I know what I want to express with my appearance, and this will do it. Done.”
Some days this process takes thirty seconds, some days it takes thirty minutes. Some days, I’ll admit, I just manage to get clothes on and my teeth brushed. On those days I make sure that the only people seeing me are my staff — and I don’t think I let even my staff see me so undone for at least the first year or two that I was settled in my current congregation.

For those of you who never have that “aha” moment, do not despair. It takes some effort and the radical notion that you deserve to spend some time considering how you want to look and what image you want to project. It requires getting over the false dichotomy that religious people should be “above” such concerns as visual representation in society. It requires taking a deep breath and letting yourself have fun with clothes, experiment with them, consult with friends or professionals about them, and admitting that it DOES matter what you wear and that you care about looking good because you should care.

The “aha” experience can also come with age. When I was 30 years old I had at least four different personalities represented in my closet. Now I have two: Vicki in professional mode and Vicki in private mode. Vicki in private mode is divided into two categories: Working Out and Going Out. “Working Out” are the sporty things I wear for running errands, walking the dog, plotzing around the house and casual hanging out with pals. They consist mostly of black yoga pants, hoodies, baseball caps, and faded jeans.
The Going Out category mostly consists of garments I think of as too-Bohemian-for-prime-time: leggings under dresses, gypsy-esque shirts, insane shoes, skirts that make me look like a reject from a bus-and-truck of Les Miserables. I have an enormous selection of colorful cotton scarves because I wear them in my hair almost every day of the summer. They just seem to… multiply.

Speaking of full-coverage tanks (because if you read back a ways, we were), I got a couple of those at CJ Banks, too:

brown-full-coverage-tank
full-coverage-tank

This is what I mean about paying attention to cut: see how these tank tops are cut? Definition at the waist and a high enough neck so that a full-chested clergywoman can wear them to work and never fear the dreaded Festival of Inappropriate Sharing? Amazingly enough, PeaceBang has the devil’s own time of it finding tanks like this, so she purchased one in black, brown and white. If these fit well when they arrive, she will likely purchase another one in black right away, as the full-coverage black tank is a major staple of her wardrobe and she has learned the hard way that when you find a perfect staple item, GET TWO. I have a pair of perfect black pants from 2002 or so that I wish so much I had a second pair of, as they are falling apart.

PeaceBang’s word to the wise: If your size is consistent, buy two of the perfect wardrobe staple when you find one and save yourself time and money in the long run. Nothing is more frustrating than combing the racks for years looking for that elusive V-necked cardigan or perfect white shirt you wore 8-10 time a month for as long as it lasted, never dreaming it would finally just give up the ghost. How many times have I thrown good money after bad, trying to replace my wardrobe staples with something far less ideal? If you know what you wear almost every day, buy a few when you find perfect versions of them and you can stay out of the stores and streamline your closet that much more easily.

Gents, this goes for you too.

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Ratty Cardigans

Doesn’t that sound like a band name?

Would that it were. It is, alas, the condition of my favorite sweaters after three years of constant wear through all seasons. So although I’m kicking myself for not replacing my black and brown cardies with exact replicas last year, it’s time to let that go and seek a decent replacement.

I’m looking at these, on sale for $19.99 from plus-size store AVENUE:

[UPDATE 11.14: I SAW THEM TODAY IN THE STORE AND THEY’RE UNATTRACTIVE AND UNFORTUNATELY VERY CHEAP-LOOKING. YOU CAN DO BETTER – PB]

I must have a V-neck cardigan, and for some reason they’re hard to find. I prefer a lighter gauge material (’cause I like to throw them on in the summer, too), but these are the likeliest candidates I’ve seen in awhile. There are others here if you’re also desperately seeking non-ratty cardigans.

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Larger Wrists Need Larger Watchbands

Uh-oh! PeaceBang is noticing a small but not insignificant problem out there among the more abundant-bodied among us: the wearing of watches that seem to have a tight, angry death grip on the wrist.

Why is this a problem? Because when I am worried that my minister is cutting off the circulation in her arm, it distracts me from my counseling session, committee meeting or worship service. A wristwatch that looks painfully tight says to me, “Is this person fully present in their own body? How can she not notice the way her wrist is caught in a vise-like grip of leather or metal right now?”

I am seeing this on women clergy only, which leads me to believe that men have a far wider range of sizes available to them in the wristwatch scene. Gals, if you can’t fit two fingers under the band of your watch, it’s too tight. Please make the effort to find something that fits and that is the appropriate proportion for your body. Uncomfortably tight watches with small faces do not work for those of us with meat on our wrists. If this is you, do yourself a favor and get yourself a watchband that fits.

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She’s Not Going Back to Omar the Tentmaker

Darling ones,

This just in from a frustrated abundantly-sized clergygal:

Dear PeaceBang,
I just stumbled across your website. Boy, do I need you! I’m a plus size woman and can’t find any clergy clothes that don’t look like they came from Omar the Tentmaker. Do you know of any websites that feature clergy clothes for the full-figured woman that don’t cost an arm and a leg? Thanks!

Dear heart,
What, you don’t have an arm and a leg to sacrifice to the cause of looking decent in your ministry? Whatsamatta you? What kind of servant-leader ARE you, anyway? What kind of example are you setting?

All kidding aside, many of us are with you in this struggle and we do hope you’ll check the archives under “Vestments and Clericals” and “Plus Sizes.” Read not only the posts but the comments, for therein you will find your plus-sized comrades bemoaning the same sad fact (i.e., manufacturers of clericals are still thinking in terms of tall, straight up-and-down male bodies) and offering loads of suggestions. Try Holy Threads (mentioned this week on the blog) and see how her prices are. Let us know what you find. But if memory serves, there really is a treasure trove of information and help in the comments.

Good luck, hon, and thanks for making me laugh this morning about Omar. We ALL KNOW OMAR, don’t we?