Category: Basic Grooming

This is not a joke, I really have long hair questions. This is unquestionably long hair, right?

I have short hair, but I have long hair, if you know what I mean. It’s very similar to my weight confusion. I am about a size 14/16 in my inner vision, except that my actual body is a size 20. I am about 5’6″ unless you measure my height, which turns out to be three inches shorter than that.

So with the hair. I have short hair in my mind. It just happens to be long enough to put up, I been thinking to go straight to Charle A Hair Studio.

How do long hair women get their hair to stay together in one piece? Mine is all frizzy chunks unless I get it professionally blown out or do something to it with an iron.
How do I have a 6″ section of my hair at the back of my neck? Is that a layer grown out or have I broken all that hair somehow? Did a mouse nibble that section in the night? How did that happen?

Does longer hair ever wind up looking shiny and sheetlike like the Duchess of Cambridge or is that only thick-haired people can manage? I have extremely fine hair. I don’t really care to have Duchess Katherine hair — she’s a whole different type of gal than I am — I just don’t understand how some hair does that. You should also know how to remove tape extensions if needed, and here you can learn how.

Do other long-haired women find it IMPOSSIBLE to do actual hairstyles, or have you never tried? I find it to be impossible even though YouTube and Pinterest ladies tell me everything will take five minutes. No, it doesn’t. It takes 30 minutes before I finally give up and twist it and clip it again.

All of you coarse-textured long-haired people have it easy. You can do all the styles! If you want, you can even sit in a chair for four hours and get a trillion braids and do amazing sculptures with them. You do not have my confusion and ineptitude.

I am not trying to have long hair; it just grew like hair does when you ignore it. I am not for or against it but it confuses me.

Color, I understand. I understand that this current color is far too warm (gold,brassy) and faded out blonde, and that I want a richer, cool brunette with ashy highlights. I shall achieve this at the salon next week. My hair “pulls warm,” which means that no matter what I do and how often I use blue shampoo, it gets brassy and yellowish.

Long hair people, talk to me. What’s the deal, here? It’s so strange to have hair that catches in my handbag strap, that I have to decide to put in front of or behind my shoulders, and there’s hair on my shoulders, which just feels weird.

Please explain. If you have shiny duchess hair, what are you doing to get it that way?
I will probably cut a bunch off but it still fascinates me.

I tried a YouTube hairstyle last night. Google “Headband curls” if you want to know how to do it yerself! I watched this cute girl’s video tutorial.

You basically wrap your hair around a headband and sleep on it.
It was not “super easy” but it was “Vicki Level Easy” which means that I managed to do it pretty well and didn’t tear my hair out by accident (just a few strands).

I am notoriously horrible at being able to do hairstyles, pigeons. I envy those of you with braiding and curling and plaiting and weaaving fingers.

We’re having a breakfast this morning for our “Spring Forward Together” stewardship campaign.

So: florals!

And pink!

I went with comfortable cardigan rather than structured blazer for the breakfast.

Such a good day!

Naps, everyone!

You know why I’m laughing in this picture? Because I remembered, again, what SisterBang said to me when I last saw her. We were hanging out being slugs with our dogs in that special sibling way that sisters have– you know, showing each other stuff on YouTube and laughing, sharing shorthand insider jokes, cracking on each other, talking for our dogs.

And my sister, who is super beautiful and has girly mermaid hair and always has, looks at me with that appraising look that all sisters know SO well and she says, “Your hair is getting really long.” And I go, “I know! It’s so weird! I have all this hair now. It’s still so weird to me.” And she gazes at me with that piercing Weinstein artistic gaze that we have perfected over thousands of years of strong critical genes and she goes, with utter seriousness, “Well, what’s your plan? Do you have a hair plan?”

No, I do not have a hair plan, and I intend to tease my sister about this until the end of our days, because it was a hilarious comment.

The thing is, though, she’s absolutely right. If you don’t think about what you’re doing with your hair, it will just grow like a weed and every day you feel like you have to think about it (ie, every day you’re going to be doing anything professional or any day you want to look your best) it will spring itself on you like an unpleasant surprise: I AM YOUR HAIR. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH ME TODAY?

If you want to have hair that expresses something about you, or is somewhat current in its style, or is flattering rather than residing on top of your head like a napping muskrat (which is, I believe, Donald Trump’s official hairstyle: Napping Muskrat), you have to think strategically about it.

Do you want a new style? You’ll probably need to grow it out a bit so the barber or stylist can achieve what you want. You’d be surprised how much hair you need to work with to make style changes.

Do you want to do something cool with the color? Do your research (Pinterest is great for collecting examples of what you hope to achieve), and plan a few trips to the salon over a few months’ time to evolve it. Don’t expect the colorist to be able to bring you from brassy yellow to shining chestnut in one visit.

So you want to be able to do a hipster waxed mustache look? That will take some effort. Ask around and see how to best groom your ‘stache to work toward the look you want.

Growing a beard for the first time? How will you shape it? There are dozens of options. Which one will be flattering to your bone structure? Don’t be embarrassed that you’ll need grooming tips and new tools. You will need both.

Are you going to cut off all your dreads or take out a weave and have a drastically different look? Don’t do that without serious consideration. That’s a major change and can create emotional fall-out that you might not anticipate. Hair is deeply emotional and it can be exhilarating or devastating to cut it all off.

Are you transitioning from a short hair style to having actually long or long-ish hair? Don’t buy all the curling irons and products all at once. They’ll just sit around gathering dust.

Hair is such a communicator of personal style. It can work for you or very much against you. Hair is a conveyer of personality! What’s your hair plan for 2016?