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First The Crocs, Now These

You have to understand, my dear and compassionate readers, that PeaceBang has been feeling old and huge and sloggy lately. She has a rash on her chest that she thinks she got from testing a new tanning product, or possibly from wearing itchy African beads. Her face has broken out into a bizarre rosacea situation as a result of having her hair colored today. She is just one big bundle of kvetch.

This is what the cartoon bubble over my head said today,

“Oy, my back is still sore… why did I schlep all that recycling out last night…I should have left it until next week.. oh, but I’ll be at the Festival of Homiletics all next week… what am I going to WEAR? My hotel is a long walk from all the events and all my footwear is CUTE and IMPRACTICAL… and I can’t wear SNEAKERS… now that I’m PeaceBang I can’t just schlump in in any old thing… I have to be put-together… and oh Lord, I wonder if my summer stuff is even going to FIT…”

It was a banner self-esteem day, I tell ya. I stopped by the Andrew Zona studio on my way to picking up dinner (who can COOK when you’re kvetching?) and asked the advice of a lovely aesthetician named Lorna who told me, by the way, not to ice my flare-up. She also told me that I should keep my make-up brushes off the vanity table because dust can be a big irritant to super-sensitive skin. So I pass that on to you, pigeons.

ANYWAY, you must regard me with the heart of compassion and forgiveness when I tell you that after looking and looking and looking over a period of months for cute, professionally appropriate sandals that I can walk a mile or so in, I finally broke down and got these:dansko.jpg

They are frumpy. I know it. I accept it. And yet, on the scale of frumpiness they are pretty low, I’d say, and their comfort factor is so very high that it was worth the exchange to me. They look rather cute on. They are called “Lolita” by Dansko. Who are they kidding with that sexy name? Lolita who? Lolita Steinowitz of Boca Raton, maybe? Surely not THE Lolita of Nabakov’s novel?

So you can tease me if you want for totally going into Classic Frumpy Clergy Footwear. Bring on the sass. I can take it.

Because my feet won’t hurt while I’m at the Festival of Homiletics, and that’s all I care about right now. That, and Dove Mini-Dark Chocolate bars.

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Blister B-Gone!

Gang!

I bought a product today called Activ-Flex Blister Block by Band-Aid.

It claims to invisibly prevent blisters and “instantly reduces rubbing on skin.”

Now, some of you more adventurous types may try it on your thighs, but little ole me is going to limit use to my foots.

I’ll let you know how it works.

And meanwhile, you scandalous people, your comments on the most recent “hot thighs” post are just making me blush! BeHAVE!

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Summer Thighs

Well, chickens, Kate brought it up, so now we can talk about it!

For avoidance of heat-stick-thighs under a skirt with no hose, I like something loverly I just discovered at a funny little neighborhood beauty supply: thigh-length leggings. Like hose chopped off above the knee, and finished with nice stretch lace. Voila! I will not stick to myself under my cute little sundresses this summer when my church has its booth at the outdoor arts fair!!

You can, of course, make your own – by chopping off a pair of hose above the knee. Just know that at some point, you WILL get runs. Not that anyone but you will see them!

Kate, you are so right. PeaceBang thinks it’s just ridiculous that Spanx charges something like $25 for the same darn thing, and she knows from firsthand experience that even Spanx run.

And the Barely There brand doesn’t feel like it’s barely there at all. It feels like you’ve been stuffed into sausage casing.

Cotton bike shorts also work, darlings. And Kate, my sweet, what was the brand of your little lace-finished thingies?

PeaceBang would like to remind you all that ladies don’t sweat… we glisten.

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I Am Not Wearing Crocs To My Board Meeting

Peach pies,
PeaceBang would just like to you know that even though she wrenched her lower back the other day and even though she feels all achey and would love to wear her bright green Crocs to her Board Meeting, she is NOT GOING TO. Even though they MATCH her outfit.

She is going to take more Advil and put on REAL SHOES, because she would not insult the hard-working people of her Parish Committee by showing up in HEINOUS PLASTIC CLOGS.

I WILL BE STRONG.

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Hair For Men

Today as I was driving to the hospital I saw a hunk of a middle-aged cop with one of those full 1970’s moustaches and I kind of did a double-take because I wanted to check him out for you, dear readers.

When he saw me craning my neck, he gave me a great big smile and I realized something: if menfolk are going to rock the big full ‘stache, baby, they’ve got to have a great smile. That man had the most gorgeous set of Chicklets I’ve ever seen, and let me tell you that PeaceBang almost THREW the car into park and got OUT. Poor man never even knew that he was in DANGER. Attack of the Spring-Addled Spinsters.

Whew. We love a man in blue. (DaddyBang was Police Commissioner for our town and had walked the beat in his youth –for about five minutes in NYC before he went totally corporate, I think — and anyway, PeaceBang has always loved the good cops. Not the schmos with He-Man Authority Issues, but the good cops. You know the kind I mean. They always look a little bit weary and they have a great sense of humor and they chew Trident fruit flavored gum and always have a piece for you. And don’t get me started on how much I love EMT’s. I worship the EMT’s. EMT’s are always gorgeous and heroic creatures in PeaceBang’s eyes).

Just as I was having these deep reflections on 1970’s-style moustaches, I saw a man with one of those extremely square-necked haircuts, which always remind me for some reason of Barney Rubble.
barney-rubble.jpg I’m not sure why. But gents, when you get your hair cut real short, I’m not sure it needs to hug your neck in a distinct geometric shape. It’s very militaristic and also might remind people of a cartoon character. Neither one is a great visual reference for pastors.