Hotter Than Hades

Good Lord, it’s going to be 95 degrees tomorrow. We have no a/c in our 1830 meetinghouse, of course. And an annual meeting tomorrow night in the UNair-conditioned parish hall. Now that ought to be a kick. I’d better get to BJ’s Wholesale and purchase a huge vat of bottled water. Wait, no. That’s environmentally incorrect. Maybe huge pitchers of iced water with big paper cups?

I wonder if anyone will come to church, first of all.

Second of all, I’d better heed my own advice.

This doesn’t give me an excuse to go to church with wet hair, but I’m sorely tempted, as it will be soaking wet by the end of the service anyway. Does anyone have any favorite “wet-look” hair products? Maybe I’ll slick it back in a ponytail and let it dry with some serious gel. I just don’t want to wind up dripping gooey product down my neck and back. Tips, anyone? Anyone?


10 Replies to “Hotter Than Hades”

  1. I think I will be going the ponytail route as well. I am going to pull it back dry because that works better for me and wrap the elastic with hair for a more “finished” look, pinning it underneath with a small bobby pin. I am not going to put any product in my hair because it is likely I will have to redo my hair during the day and product will make that harder to do later. If you get lots of flyaways in a ponytail I would use a little of a spray product and make the ponytail with wet hair. I would think gels would be more likely to sweat out onto collars and things. That’s my two cents. Tomorrow I have the worship service in the AM, which should be before it gets too hot, but an installation in the afternoon away from the coast. That is going to be a sweatbox.

    Carol of the medium length straight hair.

  2. That is because in New England, they do not air-condition. Down south, it’ll be a refrigerator inside all the buildings.

    I sometimes (in desperate circumstances only!) put my hair up in a pony tail, flip it through, load the flipped part (behind the elastic next to your head) up with ice cubes, and braid the tail and tuck it in. The ice melts slowly and keeps you cool. I have never needed to do this in a church, but I have for picnics. [Girl, you crazy. And I like that in a gal. – PB]

  3. Back when I had long hair, I would have done the ponytail thing for sure, or a twist or bun of some kind, anything to keep the hair pulled back and out of the face. You can do a nice bow at the nape of the neck if you like such things (no, not a scrunchy, that is a PeaceBang no-no) and if you need a little something to hide a ratty tail.

    I have had short hair for many years now and I have tried something new this summer which is working well: I usually get my hair cut once a month (you really have to in order to keep your shape if you have short hair and a precise cut – also I love my hairdresser) but I am getting it cut every three weeks this summer, because guess what, boys and girls, hair grows faster in the summer months, and here in the muggy South it gets all poufy. After I moved here three years ago I understood why Big Hair was so popular in these parts: it gets big anyway so why not fight a losing battle and overemphasize in the poufy hair direction? But it’s not my thing. So I have it cut ever so slightly shorter than in the winter and I do the every three week thing. Keeps it in shape, off my forehead, and looking neat. All of which also puts me in a better mood. Plus I get to see Mark the Fabulous Hairdresser a little more often. Worth every penny.

  4. Hot damn, you fixed something. My long comment didn’t get deleted. [I didn’t do nuthin’, I swear, but I’m glad your comments aren’t getting eated any more. – PB]

  5. Sorry, in my long post I meant “why fight a losing battle…” not “why NOT fight…”

  6. A few weeks ago on a very humid Sunday, I finally gave up and just slicked back my short hair. At least two ladies told me how much they liked my new haircut! I just used my normal gel.

  7. Your post titled reminded me that my ex-in-laws used to say “hotter than the hubs of hades” and “hotter than the hinges of hades.” I never did ask about the specifics of their theology, but apparently it involved hell on wheels with suicide doors.

    Which sounds hot and windy and hard on one’s hair.

    I wonder if a spritz bottle filled with something pepperminty would help? A quick spray to face and neck would be tingly cool and smell delicious. (I hear Satan hates peppermint, being more of a licorice kind of guy…)

  8. I have longer hair and “slick” it back in a pony tail with leave-in conditioning cream. It keeps things in place and as your hair dries it moves from the “gel” look to a really nice, in control sheen.

  9. I serve ‘the oldest continuously worshipping congregation west of the Alleghenies’ – translated, no air conditioning. (big hot 200+ year old building)
    Breezes off the two rivers somethimes help.
    I vest even in the 90+ degree weather – but wear lighter weight ones, no lining, and a full length cotton chemise.
    I also drink, right after the service (and sometimes before and during) – unbrand, unflavored ‘pedialyte’. I don’t like it, and I may be hot, with soggy hair (Aussie Sprunch spray holds it and keeps it unfrizzed and not drenched looking) – BUT I won’t faint from dehydration!

  10. Despite your previous (and excellent) comment on a lightweight cotton chemise under vestments to absorb perspiration, sometimes even that is one layer too many. After taking receipt of a new midweight polyester alb (not my choice) I found that a brassiere which matched my skin tone (hence ‘invisible’), very lightweight loose cotton drawstring Bermuda-length shorts, and knee-high stockings presented the best choice. Everyone’s hair was soggy, and the hairstyle of choice was a high bun or military style braid with the flyaways glued into place by judicious use of hairspray. The alb is gone, as are 4 feet of hair, but the shorts are still in the vestment cupboard along with the full length chemise.

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