When You Should Say Something

Since we’re on the subject of saying something to colleagues whose beauty techniques (or lack thereof) are obscuring their most beautiful selves, let’s talk about when you should absolutely say something to them.

Let’s do that instead of talking about the young saleswoman at T.J. Maxx who looked like a graffiti artist had attacked her upper lip. People, I am ALL ABOUT faking a plumper upper lip, but let’s make sure we keep up with our lip pencil application throughout the day, m’kay? And let’s keep the lipliner within a reasonable 1/8″ and not, like 2″ over our top lip, m’kay?

You should say something if:

1. Your colleague’s complexion seems yellowish or in some other way badly off;
2. Your colleague begins to smell funny, and it’s not perfume or cosmetic, but a metallic smell or a sulfuric smell, or a doo-doo smell. I have found all of those things to be early evidence of illness or laxative abuse or bulimia.
3. Your colleague is suddenly losing a lot of hair.
4. Your colleague is losing mobility or energy at an alarmic or very noticeable rate.
5. Your colleague seems to be gaining or losing an awful lot of weight quickly.
6. Your colleague seems to have booze coming out of his/her pores the morning after any event, and sometimes for no reason at all.
7. Your colleague, once put together, now seems drab and listless and can’t even be bothered to apply lipstick or comb his/her hair, let alone accessorize.

These are all beauty issues secondarily and health issues first. Wait for a good time to ask them if they’re feeling alright. Lovingly tell them what you’ve noticed. Ministers aren’t known for our self-care skills and self-awareness — sometimes it takes a caring outside pair of eyes to pull our attention to where it ought to be.

4 Replies to “When You Should Say Something”

  1. I just want to say, I have really enjoyed your posts, but this is a right on the target.

    I am sitting at the Festival of Homiletics looking at all of us, including me, thinking we do a lousy job of taking care of ourselves, our presentation, our looks, no wonder parishioners think we are a joke, and no wonder we don’t attract more people to the faith. I realized I have got to get back to taking care of myself and my looks. I used to, when I knew it was expected, but now it isn’t and I have used that as an excuse not to.

    But on the other part of your note, about when to comment, thanks for pointing out some of the symptoms and signs of anorexia, bulemia, ATOH abuse, and drug abuse. I had a clergy friend who was marking, cutting and bruising herself, I happen to see the marks, cuts and bruises, I brought it up to her, and I don’t regret I did.

    So any beauty tips for us attending conferences with all these other high powered “A-list” ministers? I think I brought my whole wardrobe not being sure what the dress code was going to be. It seems like there is a variety of dress styles.

  2. Dear PeaceBang,
    Came to your blog via Rachell Mee Chapman’s blog.. so glad I did.
    You are one funny fashionista, will pass this around.

  3. peacebang, you have a spelling error in this post…
    “wait” should be “weight”

    thought you might like to know…

    A former English Major who hasn’t entered her grammar/spelling twelve-step program yet (and probably won’t)


  4. Welcome, Abi and Aola! Thanks for reading, and for getting that beauty is really all about self-care and loving ourselves enough to take an interest.

    Thanks for the spellcheck, Dame O. There’s another one in there, too!

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