I just ordered this coat in chocolate brown from the Jessica London catalog. Because I can’t handle watching the debate — I can listen to it, but I can’t watch it any more.

I’m so tired of the black wool look. I do have a ridiculous faux-fur trimmed brown tie-belt coat that I got on the 75% off rack at TJ Maxx, but it’s also huge on me and probably needs to be retired. I also have an ancient, ugly khaki trench that depresses me every time I wear it (SO BLAH, SO OLD), and what I really want is a beautiful brown or charcoal coat that will keep me warm and be appropriate for funerals and professional engagements, and that can be spiffed up for my personal use with fun hats and scarves.

And yet I dream of something like this:

Unrealistic, of course. I have a warm, walking-the-dog down coat, and what I really need to do is invest in a new black wool and neutral trench. Why, oh why are decent plus-sized coats so damnably hard to find?

Poor gal, trying to stand all sideways trying to get a shape going under all that hideola purple ruffle:

The bright blue piping helps create the illusion of shape here, but the dang thing is still just too big!

Look how happy she is now! Someone finally brought her a top in the right size! (I’m pretty sure this is the same model, with better hair and make-up):

Here again, she’s wearing a boxy, oversized jacket but she’s not drowning in it — she’s got on a form-fitting totally cool tank underneath:

Same thing here. Boxy, geometric shape over body-conscious basics = chic. Just too big = frumpy.

Too much going on. Prints zigging and zagging all over the body, bad cut, too much flounce, the woman’s shape and face are totally lost. The Mutual of Omaha will not be proud to present this Wild Kingdom. Way too much going on.

If you want to do animal prints, this is more the idea:

Yes, she’s a movie star and the outfit is nuts, but the animal print is small and tasteful - used as an accent, not as the entire show.

I think this skirt is neat and the outfit’s not bad, but here’s another case where you have to be careful: the print is SO bold that it’s best to keep the top simple. Sorry I can’t get a larger photo of this, but if you get out your bifocals you’ll see that the model is wearing a frilly top. I think there’s too much going on. A black or white fitted shell and cardigan would have worked so much better, and will on you. The frill on her top paired with the bold geometric pattern of the skirt doesn’t really work. It’s a wonderful thing to work with contrasting textures, styles and genres (cowboy boots with a flowing summer dress, diaphanous top with jeans and men’s leather belt, etc.), but this stylist didn’t achieve fashion, just (say it with me) “too much going on.”

If the mere notion of trying to mix styles gives you a migraine, by all means keep it classic. I mean, there’s not a thing wrong with the classic pencil skirt and tailored top, is there? That’s a lot of leg for a pastor to display, but better that (with sheer hose) than that sartorial version of a Serengeti stampede we first saw.

Real classics (think cashmere sweater, perfect wool skirt, etc.) don’t need to be updated every season or even every few years, but if you want to add something very “of the moment” to your fall wardrobe, consider some of the interesting shapes out there in sweaters and jackets. I saw this little sweater at a local boutique and thought it would be beautiful with a pair of charcoal trousers, a pencil skirt, or even a super pair of dark denim pants (notice I’m avoiding the word “jeans”). Add a beautiful, simple pendant on a long chain or a set of silver bangles and boom, you’re set to go.

(I don’t know how the sleeves work, but there are sleeves in there.)

They’re far too casual and inappropriate for professional wear.

Even if you wear them with super-fabulous shoes like these, not okay. What makes them too casual? The ruching on the leg, the cargo pockets, and the drawstring. I’m not a fan of capri-length pants in general, having seen them on too many frumpy clergygals over the years, but if you must insist on a shorter pant, consider something like this:

Or if you’re a very slim woman (and I mean VERY slim), you might go the cigarette pants with sweater-set and flats a la Audrey Hepburn route.

I’m fully with you here on the no spaghetti straps, and fully on board for no bare shoulders for anything official, though I’m not sure for church softball games or that sort of thing.

But the no hawaiian shirt thing doesn’t jive. I live and work in California and my conference includes Hawaii and hawaiian shirts are it–Annual conference, I think that might be all the men wear, and for many of us who are in the desert where you will literally pass out from heat stroke if you wear a robe in 100-120 degree heat, Hawaiian shirts are seen in all kinds of pulpits–it’s sort of the norm out here–casual and liveable for those inferno months…I’d love for you to reconsider your advice on this. (Even as a woman, I know Hawaiian shirts are fairly safe in the summer and much easier than figuring out which short sleeve blouses do and don’t show too much arm or cleavage….

And here is my response to Deb, gentle as always

Deb, I’m horrified!! It’s bad enough for male pastors to wear Hawaiian shirts, which communicate a casual I’m-totally-on-vacation-get-me-a-beer vibe, but to suggest that women wear them too for comfort’s sake is ludicrous to mine ears! Girl, that’s why God made cotton blouses in solid colors! It’s 96 degrees here today, for instance, and I am wearing a white cotton skirt, sandals, and a plain black short-sleeved T-shirt with an elegant boat neck. I am just as comfortable as if I was wearing a (shudder) Hawaiian shirt and I look professionally acceptable for tonight’s Annual Meeting.

I stand firmly by my conviction that no one on the planet will really take another person seriously if they’re clad in a Don Ho shirt — except in Hawaii. The whole look was invented to communicate “Don’t Worry- Be Happy! And Let’s Get To That Limbo Contest While I’m Still Really Wasted!” That is NOT the gospel I want to non-verbally communicate with my attire. If my pastor showed up wearing a Hawaiian shirt I’d assume one thing and one thing only: he’s been interrupted from a vacation. See my lips? They’re SO pursed right now!!! - PB

Why is this a problem? Because when I am worried that my minister is cutting off the circulation in her arm, it distracts me from my counseling session, committee meeting or worship service. A wristwatch that looks painfully tight says to me, “Is this person fully present in their own body? How can she not notice the way her wrist is caught in a vise-like grip of leather or metal right now?”

I am seeing this on women clergy only, which leads me to believe that men have a far wider range of sizes available to them in the wristwatch scene. Gals, if you can’t fit two fingers under the band of your watch, it’s too tight. Please make the effort to find something that fits and that is the appropriate proportion for your body. Uncomfortably tight watches with small faces do not work for those of us with meat on our wrists. If this is you, do yourself a favor and get yourself a watchband that fits.

She isn’t obscuring her face with a lot of hair — she’s got a cute, gaminesque haircut. Not everyone could carry that off, but Laura is beautiful and she can. As she gets older, I think it would work well for her to grow the hair down over her ears a bit.
She’s brightened her face with a pop of red lips– fabulous.
The shirt and skirt fit perfectly — the blousy top works very well with the more fitted skirt, which has a lovely flare detail at the bottom. There’s a definite femininity here but nothing overtly sexy, thanks to the muted colors.

Shoes are great — a classic slingback is always appropriate for work.

This was Sunday afternoon following a concert at church. Steal this look. It’s just perfect.

So, let’s DISCUSS, shall we?

To me, Daniel does a great job projecting an image of poetic and groovy minister; hip but with a sense of style and humor. His proportions are right. He is very tall and his long hair softens him and gives him a kind of Bible patriarch-meets-troubador vibe. He’s in great shape and therefore all his pieces look very neat on him; unfortunately not always the case with the rest of us (the camera seems to be adding weight on him here — which makes me feel better because I didn’t think I was that much of a meatball myself). His leather vest works for me because it’s classic, it’s cut very nicely, and best of all, it’s NOT EMBROIDERED.
Darlings, I’m sorry, but I just HATE those embroidered vests adorning the bodies of white, Boomer clergy. You know what I’m talking about. You can get mad, you can argue that your vests connect you with memories of your mission trip to Honduras, you can tell me that you wear yours with a totally with-it pair of pants and shirt but I don’t think I can be persuaded on this one.
LOSE. THE. EMBROIDERED. VESTS.

Now, me. I am breaking some of my own rules here:
1. Rolled sleeves are SLOPPY. Get them tailored or tuck them under a blazer. This just looks messy. See how distracting that little cuff can be? If I was a presenter or in a professional setting (rather than on sabbatical and just not putting the effort in), this would be absolutely unacceptable.
2. If you’ll be walking to church in the wind, bring a brush for touch-ups when you get there.
3. Because my new 3″ heel sandals were killing me (those lovely Borns — absolutely comfortable in the toe and footbed but with some kind of torture device in the heel, apparently), I had switched this day to flats. Therefore, the line of my long, flared, dark denim jeans was ruined. I had only brought two pairs of pants with me and both very long, so lesson learned: if you’re trying out a new pair of heels for the first time, bring some pants alternatives so you don’t walk around with a draggy hem.
4. You can see from the expression on my face that the pews in the church are already beginning to kill my back.
5. Since my back is really bad today and I am safely home, I am going to tuck up in bed with my beagle and my cat and a big glass of water and rest.