I must be honest and say that I think there are a lot of really ugly stoles out there, stoles that try to do too much, stoles that are so much about the “journey” of the wearer or the creativity of the artist that I think of them as “Therapy Stoles” and fail to see any the connection between them and the Church. I see too many stoles that just look messy and like a child’s art project, and too many that look seriously out of place in beautiful, formal sanctuaries. Jan Laurie’s work is simple, elegant, Christian, liturgical. Halo of praise.

If you want to get me one, I’d LOVE the white/ecru one for weddings and Easter! I’m 5′3″, in case you were wondering.

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Now, perhaps you may find the short skirt a bit youthful for this particular woman as I did, but that’s not the point. She is vibrant, stylish, she loves clothes, she’s on a cultural outing in New York City, and she is using her clothes to express the work of art that SHE is. Love the dusty pink coat with the twist of burnt orange at the neck, love it, love it, love the flower, love the independence and sense of flair. Another thing this outfit has that I adore is TEXTURE (as one of the commenters on the blog noted).

Oh, and yes, that’s exactly how you can mix black and brown.

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Peace Bang, I realized I have a bit of a pulpit clothing story to relate, and who else would I want to share it with? None other than PB, of course. Mostly because I think your fabulous, well-groomed nature is rubbing off on me (an outfit! with accessories!).

I have grown up in a large suburban UU church that has sheltered and supported me throughout my life. As I began expressing interest in ministry, the church has continued to encourage my exploration: I have been a member of the Ministerial Intern Committee, and a couple years ago, I was asked to do a reading for two separate services for Christmas Eve, in front of 1,000 of my closest friends. This year, I offered again (to our overworked ministers) and was asked to do two readings.

As my family buzzed about getting ready to leave for church, I peered into my travel bag to see what I had thought to bring to wear. I’d be up in the pulpit, next to our senior minister, in front of hundreds of people. No pressure. I threw on the pants and sweater set I had thought to bring and—of course, amid wedding planning and the holidays, I’d gained a few pounds that made those lovely soft-cut corduroys into skin-squeezing stretchy abominations. Thankfully, while packing, I’d asked my fiancé if I should bring a skirt. “Sure,” he said, to my eternal gratitude.

So I threw on what I’d brought “just in case”—a classic black sheath (my mother said it hearkened Jackie O: modest neckline, hemline to the knee); with a white cardigan (three quarter sleeves), a double strand of silver linked oval chain, and the kicker (literally): red Bandolino pumps (low heel, pointed toe, plain leather). My hair was swept off my face in a side part low ponytail, and I had light makeup (soft brown to accent my eyes, and au naturale pink lips, as usual). I felt professional, festive (thanks, shoes!), classy, and beautiful. I think it was clear I wasn’t a minister (aside from the lack of robe and stole), but I’d like to think I gave some dignity to the situation.

I can only look back in retrospect and hope my outfit passes the PB test. I’d like to think that my outfit struck the right balance, for a young twenty-something, non-minister, in the pulpit for Christmas. You’re rubbing off on all of us, PB, so thanks.

Brava!!! Bravoo! Bravay!! Thank God for those “just in case” instincts we have, for they can make a huge difference between, “Well, I’m dressed pretty okay for this occasion, I suppose,” and “I FEEL SO RIGHT AND GOOD AND POLISHED IN THIS OUTFIT THAT I AM GOING TO GIVE THE GOSPEL READING WITH EXTRA JOY AND CONFIDENCE!” An actual “outfit with accessories” is exactly what we should all be wearing whenever we participate in worship, and yours sound just perfecto.

Let’s take a look at some of the elements:

Absolutely fantastic, classic, appropriate. White cardigan and RED BANDOLINO PUMPS FTW!

Beautiful, elegant necklace (yours had two tiers, this one has five):

And just enough make-up and hair-do to feel put together and to communicate a sense of occasion.

Well done, my dear! And thanks for writing. You have reminded me that I have an LBS that’s too snug right now and that I want to fit into soon.

Kiss of peace, PB

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Hello, hello! Don’t know how much snow you got down there, but over here it looks like spring–snow almost gone and mud everywhere. I’d rather have snow: it’s prettier and doesn’t get my hopes up that warm weather, longer days with more light and GREEN everywhere is soon to come. I’m a New England gal, I know the drill.

Attached is a picture of my friend’s ordination. Love his new robe–but what caught my attention was the woman standing next to him. I saw her and my immediate thought was, THAT’s how I want to look! Great shoes (fashionable but not too sexy), great skirt length, great tights, flattering jacket, fabulous hair and earrings. I have been weeding lots out of my wardrobe, but as of yet haven’t started replacing anything because I am intimidated (and ok, after paying my estimated clergy taxes for the first time, B-roke). I look so super-young (and work with youth), so I don’t want to dress frumpy or too casual, but I have very little fashion sense about how to put together outfits (and actually really don’t like shopping that much). So at the moment most days I’m sighing “I guess that’s fine” and shlepping off to work. I’m working on it, promise!

Anyway, the point of this e-mail was not to drone on about my lack of interesting appropriate wardrobe, but to share a picture of someone who I thought was a good example of the advice you give on BTFM.

Thanks for all you do for us fashion-challenged ministry types!

Shalom,
Beth

Dear Beth,
Thanks for the photo of such a happy occasion! I agree that the woman in the photo looks lovely, sharp and fashionable. I covet her fab shoes! Her skirt length is great, the tights are just right, the jacket fits, the earrings are dressy and festive, and she looks beautiful and appropriate to the occasion. If she were a participating clergyperson in street clothes, I would have added a scarf or higher neckline to cover up the chest a bit. Not because flesh is sinful or anything ridiculous like that, but an open neck in a cathedral setting ordination just feels a bit informal to me. For clergy, that is.

Halo of praise! The men look fantastic, too! (The Jewish mother in me wants to straighten out the priest’s stole, but I bet someone did the moment after you took the pic).

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It’s called Advanced Style and it features amazing elders with serious fashion flair. Study this, my friends. Study the Opposite of Frump.

“Hello, I KNOW WHO I AM, I am FIERCE and FAB, and you cannot ignore my presence.” LOVE HER!

Drama. Beauty. Elegance.

“I wouldn’t be caught dead looking schlubby. I’m a New York City gentleman and I put to shame all you young slobs out there.”

Thanks so much to Susan W. for the link!!

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I wouldn’t do this color if you’re not a zippy type person — and you NEED MAKE-UP with orange. You simply cannot pull back a flat ponytail and a colorless face (black, brown, pink, white, olive — no one’s skin can stand up to orange without some cosmetic charge to it) and rock out the orange.

I tend to hate red clothes on myself (I own exactly one red garment) but I ADORE bright pinks and soft baby pinks, and now I am finding that some of the newer orange clothes are cute, too. Please try on orange in good light and use it as an accent before you go whole hog with an orange suit. Orange bags are FAB, too.

Boys, tangerine hues are wonderful on you, too! Especially those of you with darker skin and coloring. Just please stay away from Prison Garb Orange in nautical canvas material. A tie, for instance. A small checked shirt with some orange in it. Keep it minimal.

Thanks to Alert Reader Louise H. for the linky-dink!

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Just a quick note to say that I’ve just discovered your blog and am having such a great time reading you. And that, unexpectedly your advice hits a soft spot for me in my current profession as an international development worker. Many of my female colleagues (myself included) struggle to walk the fine line between cultural appropriateness (no, tank tops, sun dresses or short skirts are NOT appropriate in a predominantly Muslim society) and demonstrating our credibility, self-care and respect for the communities around us. Not to mention the difficulty finding the sweet spot between looking good and being comfortable in extreme weather conditions.

Along these lines, I like the below-quoted part of your exchange with Rev. Jeans, and how it makes me re-think the choices I make regarding my appearance and how these might be perceived not only by professional colleagues and the communities I serve, but even more importantly, by my grandmother.

Warm greetings from Sudan!
Michaela

“I am not poor. I am, by virtue of my hard-working , dirt-poor, immigrant grandparents and great-grandparents, a highly educated, privileged woman who has some access to power. I deeply believe that to try to distance myself from that truth does dishonor to my immediate ancestors suffering and sacrifices.”

After I wrote back to Michaela and asked her if I could publish her letter, she responded thus:

Thank you for your response; what a fabulous surprise! Feel free to share my letter and here’s a photo from the mini photo shoot I just did in my office right now. I have an online photo album at f you’d like to see more (of the place, not so much of me).

In case a clothing explanation is helpful/of interest: long top covering the hips and past the elbows, not too tight and t-shirt underneath since my housemate did a pre-house departure check this morning and found the button-down just SLIGHTLY too low-cut. Covered hips, elbows and chest generally meet my standards for respectfulness without trying to look Sudanese or Muslim. The jeans are a bit too fitted and usually weekend wear but my trouser jeans (dark, wide leg, looser) are badly in need of a wash. Last but not least, black boots, which aren’t the most feminine, but acceptable for work meetings and otherwise a must since I use a small Honda enduro motorcycle to get around.

A big issue here is dust. It’s everywhere. And the water (when/where available) is not so clean, either. Which definitely puts a damper on feeling fresh and put together most of the time. I wonder how working in these environments for the last five years has impacted my bottom line in terms of appearance. Thought process: “If my clothes are relatively clean I’m basically presentable, right?” Makeup and accessorizing are low low low on the priority list.

About my grandmother: she’s 93 and from Mexico, matriarch of a sprawling migrant farmworker family. My father is the youngest of her 17 children, the first conceived when she was just 12. Grandma is illiterate and unbelievably smart and until recently kept a small pistol for self-protection (unfortunately not allowed at her senior citizen apartment complex). We’re very close. Lucky lucky me to be born into a line of such strong women, and to have benefited so much from their sacrifices.

Alright back to work here. I hope you’re having a lovely week! I’d be happy to be your unofficial Africa correspondent and welcome any ideas or advice you have re: field fashion challenges.

Dear Michaela,

As I said in my note to you, it was truly a thrill to get this letter and to connect with you from across the planet. Your work in Africa in international development is such front-line humanitarianism that I know I am not alone in feeling inspired just knowing that you’re out there doing your thing. I LOVE hearing that you think of your appearance at all, even though you have real obstacles in simply keeping clean. Your phrase, “credibility, self-care and respect for the communities around us” is a wonderful distillation of what we are trying to encourage here at BTFM by highlighting attention to appearance.

We’re thrilled to have you as our African correspondent! Write soon, and God bless you and your work.
Kiss of peace, Victoria and the BTFM community

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http://speakingoffaith.publicradio.org/programs/2008/vashti_mckenzie/

Talk about knowing what image you want to project.
Talk about radiating dignity and beauty.
Talk about owning your femininity as a religious leader.

Wow. Just wow. Alert Reader Susan P. who sent me the link says, “This is what I want to look like when I grow up.”
Amen, sister.

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Today, I saw a minister’s page on a church website that made me shout for joy. The front page of the website features the congregation, with loads of helpful buttons you can click for more information. Then, nestled within the “About the Minister” page, is this dynamic, revealing series of images of the Senior Minister, the Rev. Gail R. Geisenhainer:

I think this is just fantastic. It shows a preacher in the act of leading, exhorting, inviting, enjoying, praying. It is active, vibrant, authentic and makes me want to see this woman in action. The text below the image is,to me, brilliantly written:

What Does She Preach?

An anthropology grounded in the presumption of human dignity and worth.

A theology of reverence and respect for the natural world.

A Christology of Jesus as a fully human extraordinary teacher of love and justice.

A methodology embracing mystery with the disciplines of reason.

A gospel of Love as transformative and salvific when yoked with justice for all.

A commitment to building the Beloved Community: Right here, right now.

It’s true that some of the language in these statements is sophisticated (“methodology,” “salvific,” and even “anthropology”), but this congregation is located in a university town and therefore needs to appeal to a highly-educated demographic. They know who they are.
And their minister knows who she is.
That’s powerful and powerfully appealing stuff. Rock on, UUs of Ann Arbor!

This was supposed to be either a day off or a sermon-writing day. It’s turning out to be a hack-around-way-too-much day. Pardon me while I return to worship preparation. *MWAH* xx

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Giving Clergy a Dressing Down

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