Woodstock Refugee Hair

Amy Z-M posts a comment about her curly hair, seeking PeaceBang’s advice:


My sympathies are with you, Amy!
Curly hair is a bear.
First of all, gravitas is as gravitas does.
However, having “Woodstock refugee hair” could mean that you’re one step away from prairie skirts, dumpy European sandals and t-shirts with faded Gaia logos on the front. We must do all in our power to keep you from that fate!!

Bumble & Bumble reportedly makes good products for de-frizzing curly hair, and curly hair is all about products, my dear.

I believe that those of you with long curly locks would do well to seek out a stylist who specializes in curly hair. It will be worth your time and investment. One of my students has gorgeous, long curly hair and she passed on that hot tip to me, who does not have long, gorgeous hair, although it is slightly wavy and full of annoying cowlicks.

Long, curly hair is generally not the right choice for short women who do not have the body of Salma Hayek, for round-faced women or for short-necked women. When we consider whether our hair is right for our general look, we must go beyond the question of “is my hair great, or what?” and think CONTEXT, i.e., “is my hair great on MY face and body?” (Not to mention, “is my hair great for the image I would like to project?”)

Best of luck, Amy. And by the way, whatever spectacles frames you’re wearing are a very important part of the equation.

Render Unto Caesar What Is Caesar’s

I am so in favor of our male colleagues having a nice hair-do, by which I mean, an actual hair style and not Random Acts of Barbery that live on your head.

But please, fellas, let’s not be seeing this on any of you:

This look was very hot in Jesus’ time, but not for our team, if you know what I mean. When Our Lord said to render unto Caesar what is Caesar’s, I’m fairly sure he meant this haircut, too.

Thanks to the D-List for the photo

Speak To Us Of Hair

Hello glamorous readers!
PeaceBang is a wee bit sauced this evening, having been up very very late last night on a pastoral emergency, and having imbibed a Ketel One gimlet and a bottle of Pinot Noir at dinner with a dear male friend (who was wearing bright red pants tonight but who nevertheless is still a dear friend, although we loathed the pants).

A new reader (welcome, new reader!) asks about Hair Over Forty. And Jinnis writes that she found salvation in a Vicki’s Secret underwire bra, and for that we lift up our hearts in thanks and praise.

For the new reader who says, “Speak to us of hair, O PeaceBang.”

Dear Reader,
The PeaceBang technique for obtaining somewhat snazzy hair is to see a gal with snazzy hair and to approach her and ask, “Darling! WHO did your HAIR!?”
Women love these compliments and will happily share the info on who styles their tresses.
PeaceBang encourages you to take the plunge and try a new stylist.

If you have short hair, buy the Short Hairstyle magazines (there are seven or eight on the market) and take them home to study. Ask around. What looks good? Some styles are totally out of fashion by now: overly streaked looks, spiky ‘do’s, and that horrid flat fringe look currently sported by Kathy Lee Gifford on “Entertainment Tonight.” Permy curls are OUT. Overly ironed straight hair is OUT. Short and grey, you say? Well, that depends. Could be totally frumpy, could be gorgeous if the gray is flattering and the cut is sexy.
Why must women over 40 immediately give up the ghost on sexiness, I ask you? There’s no reason we can’t do a bit of a smoky eye, a nice shiny lip, beautiful skin and a gorgeous classy hair do. My own hair has a lot of curl in it and is awfully hard to cut because of various cowlicks and difficult texture — plus the fact that it grows incredibly fast — but I refuse to cut is “conveniently” short. “Convenient” is too often another word for “I don’t feel attractive anymore so I give up.”

P.S. Sorry, but there is no way to wear a french braid that isn’t straight out of 1985, dear readers. Even if you tuck it in. There are oodles of ways to easily put up long hair that are fashionable and pretty and that don’t take us back to the days when REO Speedwagon was in the top ten. Buy Glamour or Allure (both good and not full of the inane sluttiness of Cosmopolitan) and take a gander. If you see a French braid in any fashion spread from the last five years that wasn’t called “Romantic Prom Hair,” I’ll happily eat my words, but I don’t think I’ll have to.

No banana clips! No claw clips! No French braids! Look to Keira Knightley in “Pride and Prejudice” for lovely soft chignons and rolls. Low ponytails are elegant, sleek and all the rage right now. They are anything but cute. They are FAB.

All ya’ll: Find a good stylist. Be willing to pay for a good cut. Tell them you’re a minister and you want something distinctly unfrumpy. Tell them how much styling time you’re willing to put into your hair. Be willing to try something different.

My own theory is that if you wear well-behaved clothes, have tailored nails and jewelry and low-key make-up, you can let your hair be a bit wild. My colorist once said to me, “Well, if I do what you want it won’t look natural.” I said, “Darling, if I wanted natural I wouldn’t be here now, would I?”
And remember that not everyone goes grey beautifully. The color should flatter your complexion or frankly, my dears, you won’t look like a Wise Woman… you’ll just look old and tired.

PeaceBang recommends:

Allure and Glamour magazine for hair (and make-up) ideas.
Those cheezy hair magazines you find in the supermarket (peruse them with a fashion-conscious girl or boyfriend who can warn you away from egregiously bad styles).
Accosting strangers with great hair and asking for the name and number of their stylist.
Going into the nearst sophisticated city and checking out fabuloso stylish women: what about their confidently gorgeous look could you steal or adapt?
Tipping your colorist and stylist well, and bringing them Christmas gifts.
Not necessarily going to the same person for color and hair cut.
Staying far, far away from frumpy salons that smell of perm solution and are populated by the helmet-head set.

Inviting over a friend to help you color your own hair.

Remember: if you should screw up, it’s JUST HAIR. It can be fixed, cut or grown back.

PeaceBang wound up with Ronald McDonald orange-red hair during a henna accident in 1984 and wound up staying an auburn-tressed goddess for the rest of her natural life. Experiment!

If you have a gorgeous face, consider cutting your hair fabulously short (but it MUST HAVE A BEAUTIFUL STYLE AND BE CAREFULLY CUT) and wearing dramatic lips or eyeliner with it. Think Judi Dench.

Hair Accessories?

I pause in my Sabbath preparations to ask the PeaceBangers of Beauty:

What hair accessories are appropriate and inappropriate for women of the cloth?

Plastic banana clips – tacky and 1980’s.
Headbands — can be lovely, can be too Alice In Wonderlandy.
Cute barrettes in short hair — nice if you’re under 30, and then only off-duty
Nice barrettes in long hair — just fine
Bobby pins — not if they’re visible! For the love of God! (Reminding PB of the time she watched a senior female colleague preaching with lank, grey hair held back by at least 20 bobby pins that glinted every time she turned her head)
Vaguely ethnic cotton headwrap – fine if you do it neatly, but it should be a comfortable, confident part of your “look”

Comments? Opinions? Thoughts on hair management in the pulpit?

PeaceBang recommends:
Aveda Firmata hairspray


L’il Flava (my 5’1″ Asian-American Catholic theologian bud from NYC) called from South Bend, Indiana with this to say:

“Catholic religious: making the world safe for cowlicks.”

C’mon, kids, all it takes is a little bit of product.

To which Flava says, “if you’re ethnic, don’t fight the hair. Work with the hair.”

What I want to know is, why in the world would anyone be in South Bend, Indiana??