Some ardent worshiper at the Festival of Homiletics leaned forward to get a better look and shared her very pretty lace panties with the rest of us!

Girls and boys, you know better. But I saw entirely too much of this in Minneapolis. This example was the most lovely I could find. At least HER panties are really pretty!

Because many pants are now low-waisted, you have GOT to consider your undergarments and the rest of your outfit before you leave the hotel. Ask yourself these questions:

1. If I should lean forward and accidentally reveal my unders today, would they at least match my pants? Are they nice, and not ratty, in case of the unthinkable?
2. Am I wearing a shirt or sweater that FITS well enough to pull down over my low-waisted trousers or skirt?
3. Am I, at any time, treating my colleagues or parishioners to the sight of three or four inches of my lower back flesh in the form of chub pouring out of my too-snug sweater when I lean forward?
If so, please stop it. And if you think this isn’t you, think again. PeaceBang must have caught half a dozen conferees in this compromising position. If you’re unaware of it at a conference, you’re probably unaware of it at home.

P.S. If this is ever me and you are behind me, do not HESITATE to gently pull my sweater or shirt or jacket over my revealed flesh. I will be EVER so grateful to you if you do!

Why, it’s none other than BURT’S BEES LIP BALM!! One of our favorite, minty lip softening products!!

Remember, though, that Burt’s Bees does not provide SPF. We discussed this here. Read the comments, too, because we have since recommended more products that will protect your kisser from the harsh rays of El Sol.

It’s an all singing, all dancing revue and you wouldn’t believe it, but all of these guys can tap dance like nobody’s business.

Seriously, though, these are some of my favorite dudes on the planet so I’m not going to subject them to any image analysis or fashion advice. I’ll do that in the next few posts…

P.S. The schmatta in my hair is about a couple of things:
1. The wind was whipping all my cute barrettes and headbands around, so I needed something more industrial strength.
2. I was meeting a hip motorcyclin’ buddy for lunch and wasn’t sure if I’d wind up ON the motorcycle at any point, in which case I definitely wanted my hair off my face.

The Festival is in Minneapolis this year, which means to plan layers! Minneapolis can be either very chilly or beautifully springtimey this time of year.

Since I am not a presenter and am attending during a time of sabbatical (rest & renewal!) my own list will look something like this:

Pants: nice dark flared jeans, brown super-wide-legged chinos, black yoga pants for travel and long walks.
Skirts: white cotton eyelet skirt or other depending on weather forecast and social plans.
Shirts: crisp white collared shirt (bias cut, waist definition), a few nice T’s, striped short-sleeved blouse (again with defined waist).
Outer layer: fitted denim jacket to wear with brown pants and skirt. Bright green cardigan because it makes me happy. Navy blue cotton pea coat for rain or wind. A few faux-pashmina shawls. Cute cotton hat with bright green trim.
Shoes: Brown platform sandals or cowboy boots (depending on weather forecast). Gym shoes or Keenes for long walks. Wedge flip flops for casual look with skirt. Slippers.

I’ll add some necklaces and earrings, pack my toiletries with more thought and care than I do my clothes, and add i-Pod loaded with fave music and meditation exercises, lavender oil for the flight, Vitamin C packets, loads of hand wipes, phone charger, i-Pod charger, journal, folder and pad for conference, pens and highlighters, a book of crosswords, camera, and a little book of photos to share with old Minnesota friends (church, parsonage, cat, dog, nephews, family members they’d remember, B.F., etc.).

I’ll be getting in touch with those of you who wanted a private consultation while we’re there. I may also bring my little make-over kit, and you bring photos of yourself in vestments and in “street clothes” and a little pad and pen to take notes. We’ll do a skin analysis, hair review, clothing and image review, vocal technique feedback (if you want it) and a little bit about pulpit presence. We’ll spend between 30-60 minutes together and you decide what kind of free-will offering you want to make for my personal attentions to you.

Will you be there?
Would you like to schedule a consultation’?

Contact me for more information if you’re interested.

Kiss of peace! PB

Speaking of “The South” and “Looking Professional”, any ideas for dressing for a gathering held in South Florida in June without buying clothes we can’t use again?

For some reason, the faith group I belong to frequently schedules its annual meetings at times and places where the outdoors is either like an oven or a sauna! Most of our clergy don’t live in such climates and have lighter professional requirements in summers anyway. This may be why we tend to look frumpy at such gatherings — we don’t want to buy new clothing for a six-day gathering and most of our clothing for sauna weather is on the casual side. Yes, I know the object is not necessarily comfort, but those of us who do more than “glow” in the heat don’t look great in clothing too warm for the climate.

Oh gads, yes, this is a toughie!! PeaceBang lives in New England and remembers many a summer conference held in places like Phoenix, Nashville, Salt Lake City, and steamy-as-Hell (literally) St. Louis. What to pack, what in the name of Carmen Miranda to pack?

Cool, cotton layers. Prepare to iron. Bring nothing (or very minimal items) with prints and you’ll look 100% more classic while mixing and matching with ease. A little bottle of Febreze. Get a pedicure. Make sure hair and make-up are polished and that you have some nice accessories and a terrific bag (not a dingy tote) on hand and you’ve won half the battle.

Here’s a photo of me taken this winter looking very zaftig next to the ebony Aphrodite at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. See the blouse I’m wearing under my sweater? It’s incredibly light-weight cotton and would work fine with a white or black cotton skirt and nice wedge heels for a conference. I’d put on a tummy trimmer (I’m standing with my gut out as it is), add a long necklace and light cardigan for overly-chilly a/c’d rooms, and I’d definitely pack that for South Florida. So check your wardrobe for camisoles and nice, fitted T-shirts that you can pair with linen shirts or very light jackets worn over them. I have a short-sleeved pin-striped jacket shirt with three big buttons and a tucked waist that I wore almost every weekend to attend church in an un-air-conditioned space last year. Best purchase I made all year.

You may not have to shop for that much after all. If you’re on a light professional schedule over the summer and don’t own much by way of professional hot weather wear, make the most of accessories and key pieces from other seasons. Wear your black slimming trousers (NOT CAPRIS) with a camisole and a light blouse over that, and belt it with a slim metallic belt. Add some big hoop earrings, a pair of nice sandals and you’re good to go. There is NO NEED to wear pastels just because the majority of south Florida women are wearing them. The majority of South Florida women are retirees, not dynamic religious leaders. Similarly, stay away from florals and (*shudder*) palm tree or little flip-flop motifs.

I like to buy summer-wearable dresses (usually poly-rayon) and wear them in the winter with heavy sweaters and tights and boots. In the summer they can come out on their own. Simple, tailored cotton skirts can also be salvation for conferences. Use the brown one you bought in late fall, pair it with a cream-colored cardigan and light sandals, and make it summery.

If you have chunky upper arms as I do, look for short-sleeved tops that are ample around the armhole, or better yet, a 3/4 length sleeve. A nice light faux pashmina wrap (I get mine on the streets of NYC for $8 each) can cover a multitude of chub while keeping you from being chilled in the plenary sessions. They’re great on the plane, too.

Look for pieces year-round that will pack well and be conference-worthy, including fun accessories that can add some pizzazz to the basics. Always be thinking, and shopping, ahead. There’s nothing as satisfying as picking up a GA-appropriate blouse for $7.99 on the sales rack at Macy’s.

Be careful packing and unpack and hang everything up the second you get to your hotel room to save yourself ironing time.

Reader Karen E submits this query:

I am an avid reader without even being a clergyperson! Imagine that. Here’s my question: If I have shoes of various heights - flats, loafers, shoes with heels (not spikey, but a bit high) what’s a good way to figure out how long or short to hem my suit pants? Don’t want high water pants with the lovely heels, but don’t want to drag all over the street when I’m wearing flats or loafers or other shoes suitable for walking that I also wear with those same pantsuits. What’s a good solution?

Dear Karen,

Thanks for writing!

This is an important question, as it highlights the problem of promiscuously interchanging all our wardrobe items when really, we would be better served by thinking of most of our clothing as being in the category of “work” OR “casual” — not both. If we did this, why, there’d be no more wearing of scrubby jeans and wrinkled tee-shirts to the office! And PeaceBang thinks that would be a good thing.

Every professional woman should have casual pants and work pants in her wardrobe, and hem the professional pants for a moderate heel. Very dressy pants should be hemmed for one’s highest heels, as they can be worn longer.

What that means for you, Karen, is to make sure those pants are hemmed to the right length for heels. Tell your tailor your dilemma, bring shoes of both heights, and see if you two can find a happy medium (long-enough for heels, but on the shorter side of “long-enough” so you can wear flats). You may not be able to wear your suit pants with your flattest flats. You will have to make some decisions.

One of the most awful sartorial mistakes PeaceBang sees ALL the time on male and female clergy colleagues is the Too-Short Trouser, which makes ones legs look shorter and which conveys, if anything, anti-elegance. Add to that some bunching around the derriere and horrid pleats in the front and we have an occasion of outright Trouser Tragedy!

Friends, your friendly neighborhood tailor can help you find the right height for your pants. Bring in your moderate heel and look for the back of the hem to hit an inch or so above the floor. My “dressy” jeans (dark denim, flared bottom) are hemmed to hit the floor in flats, because if I wear them on a professional outing, I wear them with 2-3″ wedges or heels. Too-short jeans always look atrocious. Please, ladies, please stop wearing your jeans to the top of your ankles. If you’re going for a capri look, that’s not it.

And now PeaceBang is off to a week-long colloquy on theodicy and is having a devil of a time figuring out what to pack. Important People will be there, but the conference is on the beach in Cape Cod and the conference center says to dress “casually.” What that means to PeaceBang is that she should do her best to walk the fine line between “I’m on vacation and don’t give a hang what I look like” and “I really respect these speakers and participants and want to spruce up for the occasion.”

I think this will translate as nice, crisp tee-shirts and cotton skirts, 2″ wedge flip-flops (I’ve given up: everyone wears them now), and nice cotton pants, more crisp tees and big funky necklaces. My nod to respect means no shorts, no capri pants (I’m too lumpy of body for them to ever look neat and polished enough), and none of my summer-favored Boho get-ups (gypsy skirts, babydoll dresses, huge hoop earrings, schmattas on the head, etc.).

Oy, the things we have to think about!

PeaceBang is quite tired this morning, having hit that point one hits at every conference where the cartoon bubble above her head is one big scribble– like the one Snoopy used to have when he was very confused or overwhelmed. PeaceBang calls this the Snoopy Scribble.

(Digression: I also just learned that my beloved high school music director is retiring next year and this news has my chest hurting as though someone shot a cannon ball at me and said, “CATCH!” Why would this news make me so unutterably sad? Arthur Sjogren has given decades of service to the New Canaan school system and deserves a wonderful retirement, which he shall have. I suppose this is just about Time Marching On and Crushing Us All Under Her Bierkenstocks As She Goes.)

ANYway, darlings, speaking of aging and such, PeaceBang has noticed that she isn’t as able to sling around fifty pound book bags as she used to, and has lately suffered the effects of loading herself up like a sherpa before and after class, not to mention schlepping an enormous purse at all other times. Her massage therapist, generally a gentle person, strernly admonished her to give herself a break from shoulder bags lest she wind up with real damage to her skeletal and muscular system.

As a result, PeaceBang is actually getting through General Assembly with a short-handled cotton purse that must be carried by hand rather than slung abut the body. She carries in it a cosmetics bag, small wallet, camera, small pad and pens, and hankie. She plots out her course for the day and leaves her big program in the hotel room.

This has been liberating in many ways, and also beneficial to PeaceBang’s physique in that she doesn’t end the day stretching out on the floor of the hotel groaning like one recently raised from the dead.

Also, the purse has a very high cuteness factor. Photo forthcoming.

In the interest of full disclosure of her own sartorial sins, PeaceBang confesses to her readers that three days spent in sandals with unforgiving straps and heels has led her to don Keenes for the day. Even worse, she was seen last night in 3″ wedge FLIP FLOPS. Darlings, it was that or suffer circulation problems that might lead to amputation. And PeaceBang likes her feet!

Be well, my friends! Kiss of peace from Portland!

I am here in Portland, OR and heading to my room for a nap before meeting some Reverend Chicks for dinner and an outing to {{{Enter angelic music}}} Powell’s Books.

So far, I must report that the colleagues are looking much more professional this year!
I’m just concerned that so many of us seem to be glowing with a kind of preternatural exhaustion and luminescent complexions that, in an earlier era, bespoke a penchant for pinches of arsenic.

Give me a day or two and I’ll be running around with Pastoral Bronzer dusting up the palest among us.

The biggest bloopers in the clothing department thus far seem to involve BATIK garments, which I think are supposed to impart a kind of creative, goddessy vibe but unfortunately read more as Flower Child. I saw one batik poncho with highly visible bra straps and one batik jumper with a seat so tight it will take all PeaceBang’s willpower not to follow worriedly after the wearer of said jumpsuit with needle and thread, safety pins, or a modesty sheet.

Tomorrow: fanny pack patrol!

So I’m taking one suitcase and a nice matching rolling duffle.

By request of my colleague, The Lively Tradition, I have to wear vestments for a Communion Service (why can’t I just be the keepin’-it-real, friendly-type co-officiant in civvies, I’d like to know?) so after much thought I’ve decided to pack an alb and stole — all scrinched up to fit in the suitcase, and to be taken out later and given to hotel housekeeping for a dry cleaning and press. It will cost a pretty penny, I’m sure (more like a stupid, wasteful penny) but I’m taking THREE FLIGHTS out to Oregon tomorrow and I’ll be darned if I’m going to drag a garment bag around with me. Scott’s suggestion of shipping it out there seems expensive and complicated, sorry darling.

Also, there is no way I’m going to figure out that One Bag thing, but nice try, sweeties.

PeaceBang is the crankiest girl in town right now. Garumph, garumph, garumph! Upstairs for more packing.