Beauty Tips for Ministers

Clergy Garb At General Convention

Over at The Infusion, Laura has a hilarious post about clerical garb at her General Convention. Check it out here.

Orans or “Come closer so I can strangle you” position?

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Both a Borrower AND a Lender Be!

Whilst visiting some seminarians in the Big Apple this past autumn, I had a wonderful afternoon helping a talented young theologian prepare her outfit for presenting at the AAR. As it turned out, the suit she had purchased on sale at J. Crew just didn’t fit her right. I advised that she return it and get her precious money back. A friend came into the dorm just about that time and offered some of her own suits for her friend to try on. The friend left and came back from her own apartment with several options, one of which turned out to be perfect for our scholar.

What a wonderful solution!

Thinking about the economy and recognizing that shopping is neither a viable nor fun prospect for many, let PeaceBang suggest that we break down the walls of pride and propriety a little bit and seriously consider sharing clothes or accessories with colleagues.

Why not? Are we not sisters and brothers in Christ? If your sister has a formal dinner to attend and you have a Little Black Dress in her size, should you not offer both your LBD AND the dressy cardigan that goes with it? Yea, and that cute faux croc clutch bag, too, saith the LORD?

Consider the practical aspect: most of us have our basic workaday wardrobe such as it is, but how many of us could make use of borrowing privileges for special events and conferences? If the Unitarian Universalists have their General Assembly from June 21-25 and the United Church of Christers have theirs in May, why shouldn’t UCC and UU clergy swap Presenter-Worthy outfits? Who would know? Who would care? If I have tons of dressy shoes and my sister minister wears my size but owns only Bierkenstocks, why not open my shoe collection to her for her candidating week with a prospective congregation? Why wouldn’t I save her both the time and the expense of buying a pair of heels if she can borrow mine?

Have a funeral to do? One of your first? Don’t own a wool overcoat or classic trench to wear to the graveside service? Call your colleague across town or in the district and borrow his. An overcoat is expensive; why stress about acquring a wardrobe staple you simply can’t afford when you’re trying to prepare to officiate at your first funeral service? Borrow it! And keep your eye on the sales, because you’ll eventually need one.

Boston area female seminarians with a size 6.5 foot and size 16, 18 or 20 bod, seriously — if you can make the drive to my closet, mi closet es su closet. I would SO much rather we shopped in my closet for an interview outfit for you before you shopped retail. Don’t be afraid to ask. Let’s do this for each other. Seamstresses and sewing men, you too. Bartering is great; you hem a friend’s pair of pants and they can cook you dinner or give you a massage or return the favor in some other way.

How about you? Where are you, what’s your size, and whattya got?

Hint: I’m not going to GA this year. Who needs to borrow a couple of lightweight blazers, a really cute white skirt, comfortable, pretty sandals or some really cute necklaces for Salt Lake City?

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A Festival of Inappropriate Sharing At the Festival of Homiletics

OOOPS!

Some ardent worshiper at the Festival of Homiletics leaned forward to get a better look and shared her very pretty lace panties with the rest of us!

Girls and boys, you know better. But I saw entirely too much of this in Minneapolis. This example was the most lovely I could find. At least HER panties are really pretty!

Because many pants are now low-waisted, you have GOT to consider your undergarments and the rest of your outfit before you leave the hotel. Ask yourself these questions:

1. If I should lean forward and accidentally reveal my unders today, would they at least match my pants? Are they nice, and not ratty, in case of the unthinkable?
2. Am I wearing a shirt or sweater that FITS well enough to pull down over my low-waisted trousers or skirt?
3. Am I, at any time, treating my colleagues or parishioners to the sight of three or four inches of my lower back flesh in the form of chub pouring out of my too-snug sweater when I lean forward?
If so, please stop it. And if you think this isn’t you, think again. PeaceBang must have caught half a dozen conferees in this compromising position. If you’re unaware of it at a conference, you’re probably unaware of it at home.

P.S. If this is ever me and you are behind me, do not HESITATE to gently pull my sweater or shirt or jacket over my revealed flesh. I will be EVER so grateful to you if you do!

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Because You Never Know When You Might Be Asked To Exchange The Kiss of Peace

What’s that I see in the hand of the worshiping preacher in front of me at the Festival of Homiletics?

Why, it’s none other than BURT’S BEES LIP BALM!! One of our favorite, minty lip softening products!!

Remember, though, that Burt’s Bees does not provide SPF. We discussed this here. Read the comments, too, because we have since recommended more products that will protect your kisser from the harsh rays of El Sol.

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Random Unitarian Universalists At the Festival of Homiletics

Here I am outside the Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota auditioning a group of men for my new night club act, “Ministry:The Musical!”

It’s an all singing, all dancing revue and you wouldn’t believe it, but all of these guys can tap dance like nobody’s business.

Seriously, though, these are some of my favorite dudes on the planet so I’m not going to subject them to any image analysis or fashion advice. I’ll do that in the next few posts…

P.S. The schmatta in my hair is about a couple of things:
1. The wind was whipping all my cute barrettes and headbands around, so I needed something more industrial strength.
2. I was meeting a hip motorcyclin’ buddy for lunch and wasn’t sure if I’d wind up ON the motorcycle at any point, in which case I definitely wanted my hair off my face.

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Packing For the Festival of Homiletics

What to pack, what to pack?

The Festival is in Minneapolis this year, which means to plan layers! Minneapolis can be either very chilly or beautifully springtimey this time of year.

Since I am not a presenter and am attending during a time of sabbatical (rest & renewal!) my own list will look something like this:

Pants: nice dark flared jeans, brown super-wide-legged chinos, black yoga pants for travel and long walks.
Skirts: white cotton eyelet skirt or other depending on weather forecast and social plans.
Shirts: crisp white collared shirt (bias cut, waist definition), a few nice T’s, striped short-sleeved blouse (again with defined waist).
Outer layer: fitted denim jacket to wear with brown pants and skirt. Bright green cardigan because it makes me happy. Navy blue cotton pea coat for rain or wind. A few faux-pashmina shawls. Cute cotton hat with bright green trim.
Shoes: Brown platform sandals or cowboy boots (depending on weather forecast). Gym shoes or Keenes for long walks. Wedge flip flops for casual look with skirt. Slippers.

I’ll add some necklaces and earrings, pack my toiletries with more thought and care than I do my clothes, and add i-Pod loaded with fave music and meditation exercises, lavender oil for the flight, Vitamin C packets, loads of hand wipes, phone charger, i-Pod charger, journal, folder and pad for conference, pens and highlighters, a book of crosswords, camera, and a little book of photos to share with old Minnesota friends (church, parsonage, cat, dog, nephews, family members they’d remember, B.F., etc.).

I’ll be getting in touch with those of you who wanted a private consultation while we’re there. I may also bring my little make-over kit, and you bring photos of yourself in vestments and in “street clothes” and a little pad and pen to take notes. We’ll do a skin analysis, hair review, clothing and image review, vocal technique feedback (if you want it) and a little bit about pulpit presence. We’ll spend between 30-60 minutes together and you decide what kind of free-will offering you want to make for my personal attentions to you.

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