Beauty Tips for Ministers

A Festival of Inappropriate Sharing At the Festival of Homiletics

OOOPS!

Some ardent worshiper at the Festival of Homiletics leaned forward to get a better look and shared her very pretty lace panties with the rest of us!

Girls and boys, you know better. But I saw entirely too much of this in Minneapolis. This example was the most lovely I could find. At least HER panties are really pretty!

Because many pants are now low-waisted, you have GOT to consider your undergarments and the rest of your outfit before you leave the hotel. Ask yourself these questions:

1. If I should lean forward and accidentally reveal my unders today, would they at least match my pants? Are they nice, and not ratty, in case of the unthinkable?
2. Am I wearing a shirt or sweater that FITS well enough to pull down over my low-waisted trousers or skirt?
3. Am I, at any time, treating my colleagues or parishioners to the sight of three or four inches of my lower back flesh in the form of chub pouring out of my too-snug sweater when I lean forward?
If so, please stop it. And if you think this isn’t you, think again. PeaceBang must have caught half a dozen conferees in this compromising position. If you’re unaware of it at a conference, you’re probably unaware of it at home.

P.S. If this is ever me and you are behind me, do not HESITATE to gently pull my sweater or shirt or jacket over my revealed flesh. I will be EVER so grateful to you if you do!

Because You Never Know When You Might Be Asked To Exchange The Kiss of Peace

What’s that I see in the hand of the worshiping preacher in front of me at the Festival of Homiletics?

Why, it’s none other than BURT’S BEES LIP BALM!! One of our favorite, minty lip softening products!!

Remember, though, that Burt’s Bees does not provide SPF. We discussed this here. Read the comments, too, because we have since recommended more products that will protect your kisser from the harsh rays of El Sol.

Random Unitarian Universalists At the Festival of Homiletics

Here I am outside the Central Lutheran Church in Minneapolis, Minnesota auditioning a group of men for my new night club act, “Ministry:The Musical!”

It’s an all singing, all dancing revue and you wouldn’t believe it, but all of these guys can tap dance like nobody’s business.

Seriously, though, these are some of my favorite dudes on the planet so I’m not going to subject them to any image analysis or fashion advice. I’ll do that in the next few posts…

P.S. The schmatta in my hair is about a couple of things:
1. The wind was whipping all my cute barrettes and headbands around, so I needed something more industrial strength.
2. I was meeting a hip motorcyclin’ buddy for lunch and wasn’t sure if I’d wind up ON the motorcycle at any point, in which case I definitely wanted my hair off my face.

Packing For the Festival of Homiletics

What to pack, what to pack?

The Festival is in Minneapolis this year, which means to plan layers! Minneapolis can be either very chilly or beautifully springtimey this time of year.

Since I am not a presenter and am attending during a time of sabbatical (rest & renewal!) my own list will look something like this:

Pants: nice dark flared jeans, brown super-wide-legged chinos, black yoga pants for travel and long walks.
Skirts: white cotton eyelet skirt or other depending on weather forecast and social plans.
Shirts: crisp white collared shirt (bias cut, waist definition), a few nice T’s, striped short-sleeved blouse (again with defined waist).
Outer layer: fitted denim jacket to wear with brown pants and skirt. Bright green cardigan because it makes me happy. Navy blue cotton pea coat for rain or wind. A few faux-pashmina shawls. Cute cotton hat with bright green trim.
Shoes: Brown platform sandals or cowboy boots (depending on weather forecast). Gym shoes or Keenes for long walks. Wedge flip flops for casual look with skirt. Slippers.

I’ll add some necklaces and earrings, pack my toiletries with more thought and care than I do my clothes, and add i-Pod loaded with fave music and meditation exercises, lavender oil for the flight, Vitamin C packets, loads of hand wipes, phone charger, i-Pod charger, journal, folder and pad for conference, pens and highlighters, a book of crosswords, camera, and a little book of photos to share with old Minnesota friends (church, parsonage, cat, dog, nephews, family members they’d remember, B.F., etc.).

I’ll be getting in touch with those of you who wanted a private consultation while we’re there. I may also bring my little make-over kit, and you bring photos of yourself in vestments and in “street clothes” and a little pad and pen to take notes. We’ll do a skin analysis, hair review, clothing and image review, vocal technique feedback (if you want it) and a little bit about pulpit presence. We’ll spend between 30-60 minutes together and you decide what kind of free-will offering you want to make for my personal attentions to you.

Festival of Homiletics

I got so much out of the Festival of Homiletics last year that even though my professional expense account is drying up very fast (D.Min. tuition, don’tchya know), I am going to attend again this year. I will be on a sabbatical month in May, so why the heck wouldn’t I?

Will you be there?
Would you like to schedule a consultation’?

Contact me for more information if you’re interested.

Kiss of peace! PB

Dressing Out of Climate: In This Case, Hot

KJR asks today’s burning question (*snarf* forgive the pun):

Speaking of “The South” and “Looking Professional”, any ideas for dressing for a gathering held in South Florida in June without buying clothes we can’t use again?

For some reason, the faith group I belong to frequently schedules its annual meetings at times and places where the outdoors is either like an oven or a sauna! Most of our clergy don’t live in such climates and have lighter professional requirements in summers anyway. This may be why we tend to look frumpy at such gatherings — we don’t want to buy new clothing for a six-day gathering and most of our clothing for sauna weather is on the casual side. Yes, I know the object is not necessarily comfort, but those of us who do more than “glow” in the heat don’t look great in clothing too warm for the climate.

Oh gads, yes, this is a toughie!! PeaceBang lives in New England and remembers many a summer conference held in places like Phoenix, Nashville, Salt Lake City, and steamy-as-Hell (literally) St. Louis. What to pack, what in the name of Carmen Miranda to pack?

Cool, cotton layers. Prepare to iron. Bring nothing (or very minimal items) with prints and you’ll look 100% more classic while mixing and matching with ease. A little bottle of Febreze. Get a pedicure. Make sure hair and make-up are polished and that you have some nice accessories and a terrific bag (not a dingy tote) on hand and you’ve won half the battle.

Here’s a photo of me taken this winter looking very zaftig next to the ebony Aphrodite at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston. See the blouse I’m wearing under my sweater? It’s incredibly light-weight cotton and would work fine with a white or black cotton skirt and nice wedge heels for a conference. I’d put on a tummy trimmer (I’m standing with my gut out as it is), add a long necklace and light cardigan for overly-chilly a/c’d rooms, and I’d definitely pack that for South Florida. So check your wardrobe for camisoles and nice, fitted T-shirts that you can pair with linen shirts or very light jackets worn over them. I have a short-sleeved pin-striped jacket shirt with three big buttons and a tucked waist that I wore almost every weekend to attend church in an un-air-conditioned space last year. Best purchase I made all year.

You may not have to shop for that much after all. If you’re on a light professional schedule over the summer and don’t own much by way of professional hot weather wear, make the most of accessories and key pieces from other seasons. Wear your black slimming trousers (NOT CAPRIS) with a camisole and a light blouse over that, and belt it with a slim metallic belt. Add some big hoop earrings, a pair of nice sandals and you’re good to go. There is NO NEED to wear pastels just because the majority of south Florida women are wearing them. The majority of South Florida women are retirees, not dynamic religious leaders. Similarly, stay away from florals and (*shudder*) palm tree or little flip-flop motifs.

I like to buy summer-wearable dresses (usually poly-rayon) and wear them in the winter with heavy sweaters and tights and boots. In the summer they can come out on their own. Simple, tailored cotton skirts can also be salvation for conferences. Use the brown one you bought in late fall, pair it with a cream-colored cardigan and light sandals, and make it summery.

If you have chunky upper arms as I do, look for short-sleeved tops that are ample around the armhole, or better yet, a 3/4 length sleeve. A nice light faux pashmina wrap (I get mine on the streets of NYC for $8 each) can cover a multitude of chub while keeping you from being chilled in the plenary sessions. They’re great on the plane, too.

Look for pieces year-round that will pack well and be conference-worthy, including fun accessories that can add some pizzazz to the basics. Always be thinking, and shopping, ahead. There’s nothing as satisfying as picking up a GA-appropriate blouse for $7.99 on the sales rack at Macy’s.

Be careful packing and unpack and hang everything up the second you get to your hotel room to save yourself ironing time.