PeaceBang has had a revelation. Actually, this is the fifth or sixth time she has had this realization, but now she is going to do something about it and say something about it. It is this:

Get a full-length mirror.
More specifically, get a full-length mirror that does not distort you either favorably or unfavorably.
Look in that mirror every day.
If you have the tendency to gain weight without noticing that you have, look in that mirror at least once a week as nekkid as the day God made you, including the side and back view. Just notice where your body is changing. Don’t be mean; this is the vessel of the Holy Spirit and your beloved spaceship for this lifetime. The point of this exercise is not to berate yourself or to pick apart your imaginary faults (and please don’t do this exercise at all if you have a history or eating disorders or body dysmorphia*), but just to notice if you are gaining weight. This would be a good time to weigh yourself.

This is similar to the full-length mirror that PeaceBang has at home:

A slight tilt and a slim mirror will always be slimming.

This is the mirror that resembles the mirror PeaceBang needs to get. It is wider, and she can mount in on the wall and avoid the “slimming tilt” effect:

$99 at IKEA.

Do not even say the word “diet.” PeaceBang does not belive in diets. She believes in “eat less, move more.” She also believes in honesty, as in “OH MY GOD, I HAVE GOT TO FINISH THIS DISSERTATION BEFORE I EXPLODE.”

My charming hostess (a former congregational board chair) reminds me to remind you that a full-length mirror in your church office is an imperative. I concur. THAT mirror is for checking for various askew bits and pieces (hem showing, pant caught in your sock, toilet paper sticking to your shoe, crooked stole) so you can fix ‘em before you go out to lead worship.

Kisses, darlings!

*As Joy Lightning reminds us in her comment, body dysmorphia can run in the opposite direction, too, which is how it runs with me. I simply don’t feel as large as I am and it’s easy to pack on a lot of pounds before I notice anything — and as Rachael Ray memorably remarked a few years ago, most clothing today will fit us comfortably within a 20-lb. weight range. Not that I usually pay a whit of attention to anything that Chuckles says, but that was spot on. – PB]

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Here’s the post, and thanks for calling me “esteemed,” Mike. Gee. *blush*

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Because there are too many Nancy Negativos and Ned No-You-Shouldn’ts out there in the land of ministry, chickadees, and PeaceBang is gonna tell it!

One of the most beautiful ways to witness to the living God in our lives is to say YES. Wave it on with a smile, send it off with a blessing, congratulate it and kiss it on the head and let it go!

God is working in the world, pigeons, have some of us forgotten that!!?
CRIPES, you’d certainly think so, with all the dour faces and finger-wagging out there. Lord, we can be as drab in our attitudes as we can with our clothes; and it’s all part of the same problem, my darlings!!!

“Well… I’m not sure. We’ve never done it that way before.”
“I don’t think you should … wouldn’t that be wasteful?”
“Sigh. I’m working so much harder than anyone else. I just can’t.”
“I’d hold back.”
“You shouldn’t do it that way. *sigh, groan* Let me show you.”

BLECH. Boo! Hiss!! Poverty mentality, stingy spirit, go away! Say YES. Say, “Sure!” Say, “Wow!” Say, “LOVE it! Go for it!” Say, “Why not?” Say, “It’s not something I would have thought of, but I can’t wait to see how it turns out!”

Thank you, God, for never being small-spirited with us. Let us say YES in Your spirit today. Amen!!! And woot woot!

If you can’t view the video, click here.

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My church secretary and I have just been talking about flu shots and preventive health practices in our congregation and the fact that viruses can live for simply eons (two weeks, to be exact) on paper money. Isn’t that disgusterando?

With that in mind, PeaceBang is going to run out to the store today and buy her ushers beauootiful, fashionable latex gloves they can use when counting the offering on Sunday.

We also talked in church (during Joys and Concerns, which is sort of like Prayers of the People in the Christian tradition) about alternatives to kissing and hand shaking. As a result, in the receiving line after the service I got several fist and forearm “bumps,” one hip bump, two “self-hugs” (where you wrap your arms around yourself in joy as if hugging the other person), a dozen or so loud air kisses and one lovely Japanese-style bow.

Wash those paws frequently and be sure to carry Kleenex with you!

Stay healthy, butterbeans!

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And you go on like this until you work up a big head of anxiety steam and before you know it you’re squawking and flapping like a demented duck.

Well, duckies, here’s what PeaceBang does when the week threatens to squash her.

1. Clean the kitchen. Really. Get rid of crap on the counters, fill the water jug, make some herbal iced tea and a pitcher of iced coffee. Refill the dog’s kibble container, empty the garbage, make a casserole and lay in some healthy snacks. You won’t have time to do those things later in the week. Sweep the floor tonight.

2. Do the laundry. Iron some key items so that you don’t have to wrestle that white blouse all over the ironing board when you’re in a real hurry.

3. Clean out your purse and re-organize it. Charge your cell phone. Make sure you’ve got breath mints, aspiring/Advil, hand sanitizer, lipstick, eye drops, a powder compact and fresh hankie in your cosmetics case.
Get $50 cash in small bills so you’re not flinging your ATM card around like a monkey incurring mindless little expenses all week rushing around. Stash a small notebook and plenty of pens in a side pocket. Tuck in your Bible.

4. Fill the gas tank. You’ll thank me for this later.

5. Make social plans with friends for Friday night NOW. You’re going to need them.

AFTER you have accomplished all of these things, and only then, tidy up your study, update your calendar, carefully plan for everything you need to do (including walking the dog, sleeping, exercise, eating meals in a semi-sane fashion), make some notes, send a few e-mails, take a deep breath, and turn off the computer.
Go draw yourself a bath, give yourself a facial, scrub your feet, shave your legs, and get a good night’s sleep.

You will arise the next morning feeling ready to do your work. Serve well and faithfully, and let God make it happen through you.

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I used those cards for years –to send thank-you notes, special fan letters, condolences – -and re-ordered them again and again over the next decades. I still have some left in my desk at the parsonage.

One of my favorite things to do at the start of the church year is to hunt for beautiful note cards. It can be a challenge, since many designs are either too big or too whimsical for my pastoral needs. What I like is pretty designs but nothing too saccharine. I also load up on sympathy cards, congratulations cards and thank you cards, although I believe that when in doubt, send your best monogrammed stuff.

As we rely more and more on e-mail correspondence, it is really special to receive a hand-written note. If this concept hasn’t occurred to you (and men, I am under the impression that for some reason, you have been less encouraged that women have been to sit down and pen notes — but if I’m wrong, please correct me!), get some notes and start writing!! Worry less about the design on the note card (but nothing too erotic — say, Klimt’s lovers embracing — or too sardonic– say, Andy Warhol’s soup can) and put your heart on the page.

I even buy stickers to seal the envelope with — sunflowers, usually — and I own a few actual wax seals. I used to design my own writing paper with rubber stamps, but who has time for that these days?

Yes, spelling and penmanship count.

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Ouch.

Clergy, please be incredibly careful when and where you pay technique compliments to another colleague. For one thing, your colleague may have been quite emotionally involved with the rite of passage they have just observed, in which case it is far more thoughtful to say simply, “I think you did a lovely job today. And I’m sorry for this loss to your congregation” than to high-five them for their great job. If you want to write your colleague an admiring note later about how they aced the prayer or whatever, that would be nice and I’m sure they would appreciate it. However, PeaceBang thinks that there is nothing tackier than clergy congratulating each other for their awesome “performance” after a religious service. Of course we do it, but please, please… do it in private or over the phone the next day. Lay people should never, ever overhear ministers doing a post-mortem– however positive– of a worship service they have just participated in. Keep the shop talk out of the church. Or if you must exude your praise, do it like the old pros do it — when no laypeople are around, or briefly and tactfully.

We all love praise, but there’s a time and a place. And that time and place is way out of earshot of the grieving, please.

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I noticed that my companion seemed a bit tired and certainly hard-working. She was wearing what I am assuming might have been a work uniform of black pants and white blouse, and she had lost a lot of her hair.

I was mesmerized by her eyes, though: wide-set, huge, hazel eyes. Very kind, very soft. Extrarordinarily beautiful.

We talked a bit, and Max and I walked, and then we caught up again and talked a bit more.

And because I felt embarrassed to say it, and never found quite the right moment, I left that little encounter without telling that lovely lady how beautiful her eyes are.

Which I regret.

So let me try to partially redress this error by reminding all of us that the time to give a genuine compliment is ALWAYS. If you think something nice about someone, let it come outchya mouth.

Nice thoughts are not like cookies in the cookie jar; you can never eat the last one. Give ‘em away.

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I received a troubling e-mail today in response to my earlier post about hating this weather, which is chilly but humid. The writer, an older woman, alerted me to the fact that I might be having perimenopausal symptoms, as sensitivity to the weather is one of the signs. Something my “Mum hadn’t told me about,” she suggested. I wonder if this writer thinks I’m living under a rock with no proximity to menopausal women?
The writer went on to say that herbs had done wonders for her own trip down Menopause Lane and mentioned that black cohosh and wild yam had been of great help and aid to her.

I want to be kinder than I feel about this, but I am going to post my concerns here because this letter provides a perfect example of two serious problems among caregivers (with a side feminist concern for free credit):

1. Projection, or “I know how you feel because I went through it.” Not a good idea. Advice given when one jumps to conclusions is not good advice and almost never welcome.

2. Diagnosing is a very unwise thing to do with someone you have never met, and almost never acceptable to do even for people you think you do know well. We should avoid it. However, even more dangerous than diagnosing is prescribing. Even in the “optative voice,” (which my writer thought would be less offensive to me) it is irresponsible to suggest to a potentially vulnerable person that they ingest anything as dangerous as potent herbal remedies (and considering herbs as “harmless little ole plants” is a major error in itself!!). Black cohosh, for instance, is an abortificiant and could cause terrible harm to a pregnant woman.

Extra Credit Feminist Concern
Menopause is part of a woman’s life and not all women experience it as a disease needing treatment. Read The Mismeasure of Woman by Carol Tavris and For Her Own Good by Barbara Ehrenreich for a history of the medical industry’s lucrative pathologizing of menopause and menstruation.

If someone complains that she is warm when it’s chilly or chilly when it’s hot or craving chocolate or feeling homicidal, throwing up in the morning and craving pickles, let her be the one to share where she is on her reproductive life cycle, or not.

And please, be very careful with herbal remedies. They are serious medicine.

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Hmm. I’ve been thinking for a few days on how to pose my question. My question is, what are the thoughts about heels.

Now, this might be an easy question if the minister is 5′3″. But the question gets a little tougher for a pastor like me who is 6′0″. Not that I’m not proud of my height, but as a young minister, when I put on my favorite 2.5 inch heels, I tower over my congregation, and most times over my senior pastor. Which works great when I need to preach–it makes me feel powerful and confident. But, when I’m visiting hospitals or at family fellowship night, it isn’t as much fun. So, I find myself changing shoes between worship and “everything else”.

What are your thoughts on heels generally, and then for “tall girls” like me?

Dearest Tall Girl,

For heaven’s sake, wear your favorite heels whenever you like! Switch them up for a flatter shoe when you feel that you’d be less comfortable “towering over” anyone, and enjoy!
I imagine that many of us change shoes pretty frequently — I know I certainly do — so I don’t think you’re any less inconvenienced there. We have to switch gears so frequently between various activities in any given day, most pastors I know have at least two pairs of shoes in their office and/or car that they forgot were in there.

I have taken to wearing heels a lot more often because of the need to walk the dog immediately upon returning home, but Lord knows I’ve got a stash of boots, heels and various athletic shoes by the door anyway!

Enjoy your “high personage!” And remember that “towering over” someone is all in your attitude. I’ve known tiny people who could tower over others who had at least a foot of actual height on them.

Kiss of peace,
PB

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