Whew!! We are EXHAUSTED after slogging through the worst Oscars telecast of a lifetime! I mean, sexist, offensive and aggressively unfunny. The smarmy Seth McFarlane was an even worse host than that James Franco/Anne Hathaway debacle of a few years ago, and having the orchestra down the street made all the singers uptight and fixated on the monitor as they knew they were dead in the water if they got out of sync with the conductor. Norah Jones had that perky little song to sing and a perky little dress to sing it in and she looked like a deer in headlights, poor deer. Get it? This is what passes for humor tonight, my friend. This is what passes for humor.
I don’t even want to talk about the disgust I feel for the way little Quvenzhané Wallis was treated by McFarlane and The Onion, which tweeted a vile joke about her. I mean, I got trolled by some over-earnest conservative Christian girls for tweeting that Kristen Stewart looked like she took an eggbeater to her hair (she did — I am SO tired of that girl’s “I’m a rebel so I won’t wash my hair or smile” schtick — you’re making millions of dollars, Miss Stewart, stand up straight and do your job for the studios). I hope McFarlane and his writing team are raked across the coals for their truly terrible script. My friends and I kept saying, “Someone got paid to write that joke.” Steve Martin was funnier Tweeting than Seth McFarlane was hosting. Social media triumphs again!
So let’s focus on the POSITIVE, shall we? Let us lift up the individuals who showed up and did a great job at projecting a polished public image and made us feel happy and sparkly just because they were in the room. They’re MOVIE STARS, so they have an arsenal of stylists, hairdressers, plastic surgeons, make-up artists and designers on hand to help them meet the simple criteria of looking fabulous and projecting strength, talent and artistic competence. [Please click on the photos to enlarge them.]
The night belonged to Dame Shirley Bassey. I am never a fan of illusion netting, but who cares when the woman wearing it is bringing down the house with still-amazing pipes, supernatural diva presence and bow-down-mere-mortals glamor? We got chills. We got tears. The girl has still got it. We bowed down, because we are mere mortals. GOLD-FINGAH!
She was magnificent. She owned the stage. She walked into the stupid frat party atmosphere that Seth McFarlane created and turned the night into something glamorous and impressive, just like Hollywood should be. Hair, make-up, dress, the whole package was delicious:
Miss Charlize Theron reminded us all that she has a modeling background by dominating in a stunning, structured Dior haute couture gown with no big bling around her face and no gimmicks. Just stunningly exquisite skin and bone structure, make-up and a thoroughly modern take on the pixie cut. Her posture is awe-inspiring. Find footage of her just walking onto the stage and be enchanted. She is a tremendous talent and beauty. How sad that Hollywood has such a pathetic paucity of roles for women. Click that pic and get a gander.
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you seventy-five year old Jane Fonda tearing it up in canary yellow Versace. Click that photo and check out her posture. Now I ask you, have you EVAH. Her hairstyle and hair color are a bit dated, ’tis true, but she bears herself with total elegance that anyone who regularly wears clerical vestments should study. Hollywood youngsters should take lessons from Jane. Honestly, these gals are wearing millions of dollars worth of diamonds and gown and they don’t know how to hold their shoulders back or how to walk. They come tumbling out of limos hiking up their skirts and flashing the paps — that would NEVER happen if they emulated their elders. Can you see Audrey Hepburn or appearing on the runway with the kind of lank, messy hair and slumpy posture exhibited by Jennifer Aniston? I THINK NOT. Miss Jane, you sure do know how to give face and pose.
I loved Daniel Day-Lewis. He gave the performance of the year, I thought, and made me forgot how young and beautiful he actually is. I like his blue tux — he is known for crazy get-ups — and he was funny and charming and altogether a man of tremendous poise
Swoon.
His classiness vs. Seth McFarlane’s smarmy jerkiness… it was painful Did you hear McFarlane’s incredibly tasteless John Wilkes Booth joke? What a schmuck. Who thought that was funny???
Here is DDL again with presentress Meryl Streep, who always chooses gowns with the most unflattering cut. Click it and see.
Also a beautiful, well-groomed and eloquent man was Best Director Ang Lee. This is Handsome City, and I flat-out worship the guy. I had hoped Spielberg would win for “Lincoln,” but I have the greatest respect for Ang Lee, who has directed two literary pieces I never thought could be translated to a visual medium (“Brokeback Mountain” and “The Life of Pi”). You would never dream that this man spends most of his time scrubbing around a set or locked in an editing room.
For Most Improved on the runway I would have to say Miss Jessica Chastain, who has had a hard time figuring out what her image is all about. It has been interesting to watch such an incredibly talented and versatile actress struggle to find her signature look, and I am watching her career with a great deal of admiration. I thought she did herself proud projecting a regal, glammy Old Hollywood vibe tonight. The red lipstick is inspired. Anything less and she would have disappeared into that gown. She strikes me as a highly intelligent, intense artist. I look forward to seeing a lot more of her.
Best dramatic make-up of the night goes to British songstress Adele, of course… she of the iconic winged eyeliner. Her hair was FABULOUS down! Her signature look is a teased, bouffed updo, so note how much visual interest she generates by leaving her hair down for this important occasion. Smart girl, and great hair. The shoes are awful and I’m not crazy about the dress but it’s a major improvement over her Grammys dress, which was curtains, if you recall.
And for minimalist, fresh-faced, pretty girl make-up, I could not stop staring at Kerry Washington. The photos don’t do her justice but every time she appeared onscreen my friends and I gasped at her amazing skin and bone structure and general dewy gorgeousness. Again, again, again… it doen’t matter how good your make-up artist is if your skin isn’t in good condition. Kerry W. has unbelievably flawless skin.
After having seen most of the films nominated for Best Picture I can say that my vote for Most Beautiful Performance goes to Richard Parker of “The Life Of Pi.” I’m so sorry he wasn’t a presenter tonight. He has the most impressive natural elegance of anyone in the industry.
Those stripes are so darned handsome.
I was right there with you on Jennifer Aniston and the sullen girl with the tangled hair. Did you notice she was limping? I like Family Guy but SMcF was terrible!
I haven’t watched the show yet (recorded it because I was out), but I died inside a little when I learned Seth McFarlane would be the host. I gave up on Family Guy long ago because of its relentless misogyny. And I agree with a commenter who said that Tina Fey and Amy Poehler should co-host EVERYTHING.
I can’t believe that McFarlane’s script wouldn’t have been vetted by the network beforehand.
Every year I get a little nervous for the host, because of the spectacular fails we’ve seen. I’ve been spared The Family Guy (or have spared myself) so I didn’t even know who Seth McFarlane WAS. Sort of still wish I didn’t. Every moment he was on camera, I kept thinking, “I. Don’t. Like. You.”
And the William Shatner routine? OMG. As an excuse for ramping up the tastelessness even more? (“Here’s what the terrible thing you did/will do, so don’t.”) Charlize Theron’s reaction during the wretched “We saw your…” song captured the feeling of every woman in the room and around the world.
You forgot one gorgeous icon who provided one more bright spot. Michelle Obama. Except – why did the first Oscar ceremony in history to have the first lady present an award (right?) have to be this bit of excrement?
Can we also mention Quvenzhané Wallis looked lovely? She was dressed up, having fun, and still looked NINE (not as though someone thought she should be 27). As a mother of young daughters, I appreciated this.
I just watched bits and pieces of the telecast, mercifully. I’m interested that you didn’t include Anne Hathaway in your summary. I think she gave one of the classiest thank-you speeches of the whole season. And looked gorgeous too.
The “Seen Your Boobs” skit was merely tasteless, but the John Wilkes Booth “joke” was appalling and offensive, made all the worse by the dignity of the Lincoln movie and all of its makers right there at hand. Were there no adults in the room when that joke was vetted?
The “Seen Your Boobs†skit was merely tasteless, but the John Wilkes Booth “joke†was appalling and offensive, made all the worse by the dignity of the Lincoln movie and all of its makers right there at hand. Were there no adults in the room when that joke was vetted?
I’m surprised Jennifer Lawrence didn’t make it into your recap. I thought her posture was lovely, and she carried the gown well. Even her “fall” on the way up to receive the Oscar was done gracefully. I particularly enjoy how authentic she seems in her media appearances. That might not be her “real self” but she presents it like it is. As a minister navigating the “role” with the “self,” I admire that.
I can’t believe I am defending Kristen Stewart, but here goes. She was limping because she hurt her foot and was actually on crutches. [I know. I didn’t pick on her for limping, I picked on her for having her customary disheveled, filthy, sullen appearance. She always looks like she took an eggbeater to her hair and woke up just in time to throw on her dress and get in the limo. It’s unconscionable, but her fans love + defend it. *spinster sniff of disapproval*- PB]
By all means, Ms. Stewart has room for criticism on all those points. I was responding more to the commenter who seemed unaware that the hobble had a reason. I am not unsure that the hobble and ungraceful use of crutches is not also an indication of inattentiveness to image. If I found myself in that predicament, I wonder if I could find another means of transport that might be more graceful. Honest to goodness, when she made her entrance with Dan Radcliffe I was wishing that he were wheeling her in on a dolly. A good natured actress might have made that charming. She did not.
This is what happens when you let kids go to the prom in a limo. Despite being beautifully dressed up, they still have the dignity and senses of humor of 15-year-olds — and ever after, the danger is that they are compelled to regress whenever they put on fancy clothing. “See, I’m not really an adult, I’m still young, I’m still relevant, I’m not stuffy, and so as part of my best-man toast, I will now insult the bride!”
SAVE THE LIMO FOR THE WEDDING, when the kids have grown up a little and can handle it gracefully. Don’t let them associate formal wear with immaturity and offensiveness.
I don’t see what age has to do with it. Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart are only months apart in age. One of them was dressed and groomed immaculately and spoke as if he were addressing millions of people at an honored occasion, and one looked like she’d just rolled out of bed and sounded like a teenager who’d been dragged by her parents to a boring party and was muttering answers to the grownups’ questions with bad grace. (I didn’t see their red carpet appearance. I just watched their award presentation on YouTube.)
Part of the problem, and it isn’t restricted by age or gender either, is that some actors seem never to have learned that their voice is an instrument of their art. They talk as if they were just hanging out with their friends, even when the role–or in this case, the job–calls for something different. This is off the topic of BTFM, though extremely relevant to the work of clergy.
A bit off-topic perhaps (I watched 30 seconds of seth and couldn’t bear anymore)–do you notice that many articles of clothing, clergy robes included, FORCE your shoulders forward? Having suffered through years of back braces for scoliosis I’m extremely conscious of my posture, and I really have to work at it to keep my shoulders back.
I was not criticizing her for limping. Just commented on it as a “wonder why.” Sorry if that wasn’t clear. Now that I know, I wonder if she was on painkillers or something or maybe she always seems out of it. I had never even heard of her before the other night.
thank you for your comments, Peacebang! What say you re: poor Sally Field, who should know how to dress like a movie star. But so dumpy and frumpy! even a different neckline would have helped. OH – and what did you think about Babs?
Per your previous post, I can’t help noticing that neither Daniel Day-Lewis nor Ang Lee is wearing a lick of makeup (unless they have extremely skillfully applied foundation). And, as you say, they look great.
Men’s and women’s faces being essentially the same, one of these things must be true: Either men look bad without makeup and we’re just giving in to a taboo against their wearing it, or women do not need makeup to look good and we’re just giving into a social expectation when we say that they do. [ Ang Lee and DDL have exquisite skin and gorgeous bone structure. Like most men, age has done nothing to diminish the definition of their brows and the piercing eyes you can see to the back of the balcony. They have impeccable carriage and grooming. Sally Field would be invisible against her red dress without make-up. Jennifer Lawrence would look like a child in her haute couture gown without it. There is a whole conversation here about artifice, fantasy and sculptural elements of female fashion and a history of aesthetics that we can’t get into now, but maybe when we see each other at GA. – PB]
The thing is, makeup can be fun! I don’t think it is just “giving in to social expectation”. Given our recent clergy convention I attended, there’s not much expectation at all in that regard for many of us anyway.