Beauty Tips for Ministers

Designers Obviously Declare War On Fat Women

December 16, 2009 on 12:03 am | In Plus Sizes, The Naughty Corner | 19 Comments

So I’m thinking, “oh my gosh, I’m officiating at my cousin’s wedding in Palm Beach at the end of January, what am I going to WEAR?” I go on Nordstrom’s web site plus-size section just to look for ideas and I’m horrified:

Thanks for the respect for my body shape. When I join the Amish community I’ll be sure to stop by and pick up this racy little number.

Calvin Klein, this was hideous in 1984. Guess what. Still is.

Oh yeah, that’s flattering.

Oh, and so is this. Just what every large lady needs is a huge black bar slicing her in half, with a bizarre applique pattern that ends at that elongating, slimming spot right at the crotch. Someone got paid to design this?

Let me wrap myself in this enormous cranberry flouncy floof and eat a box of Christmas cookies.

I am in the WORST mood.

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1. Ewwwww. No, seriously, ewwwwwwww. I mean, I know designers have had it out for fat women for decades (since I’ve been a fat woman for decades and have spent all those aforementioned decades in the desperate search for decent clothing,) but seriously. Seriously.

   You know what’s made my life better? Deciding to start clothing myself as much as possible from the men’s department. At least fat guys still get some respect.

   Hope you find something suitable for the wedding.

   Comment by Nezuko — December 16, 2009 #

2. If you’re larger than about a US size 2, there’s clothes–but some of them were not meant to actually clothe you decently. Can I really wear those sequin-encrusted granny-panties over tights that were in all the shop windows a month or so ago?

   Well, actually, nobody can. What I don’t get is why there are things on offer that nobody can really wear.

   But PB, don’t lose heart–there is a lady on the Google ‘What Not to Wear over 40′ group who is plus sized, goes to a ton of black-tie events (ballroom dancing), and is a physician in Rhode Island. She often posts some very lovely, completely appropriate stuff.

   Comment by Wendy in England — December 16, 2009 #

3. Good Lord, I’ve seen better-looking clothes on women in FLDS compounds. That segmented-worm of a coat (phrase courtesy of Already Pretty) almost seems designed NOT to flatter.

   Comment by Miss Conduct — December 16, 2009 #

4. I’m with Nezuko, go check out the men’s department and ask about “portly” cut. It makes so the shirts fit over your hips.

   I knew plus size fashion was going into a rough period when the salesperson at Lane Bryant told me she was flying to NYC to pick up her custom-made wardrobe because she didn’t like anything available off the rack. If their own help won’t wear it, I’m not wearing it either.

   Comment by Teresa — December 16, 2009 #

5. Couldn’t agree with you and the commenters more. What is with the maternity tops for plus sizes? Was there an oversupply in the maternity dept? Just heinous.

   Comment by Quotidian Grace — December 16, 2009 #

6. While I agree wholeheartedly with your observations, I have to give Nordstrom credit for using real plus sized women in their ads. The only thing worse than these horrendous outfits is when catalogues/websites take plus size clothing and wrap them onto size 2 models.

   If they want to sell to me, I want to see models who look like me. That being said, I don’t even think size 2 models could make these outfits look better. [I wish I could join you in your praise, but there are lots and lots of stick thin models on their plus-sized pages modeling plus sized clothes. I just didn't feature them. I almost did, though!- PB]

   Comment by rho — December 16, 2009 #

7. I’m really surprised. Nordstrom usually has a substantial selection of attractive dresses for petite and plus size women. What’s going on with them?

   Comment by hafidha sofia — December 16, 2009 #

8. PB – why not wait until you get to Florida – they have great consignment stores and outlet stores – it will be an adventure – K
   [Oh gads, NO THANKS! I loathe shopping under pressure, there's no time to get things altered, etc. But thanks for the positive outlook. - PB]

   Comment by Kathleen Hunter — December 16, 2009 #

9. And why, pray tell, do designers of plus sizes feel the need to use horizontal, 4 inch stripes?

   Comment by Sue — December 17, 2009 #

10. Alas, we may have to vote with our money to get designers to listen to our needs. And leaving comments on websites where these travesties are displayed may help get the message across that new looks aren’t always good for the customer.

    Comment by Regina Krause — December 17, 2009 #

11. You certainly nailed it!
    The clothing manufacturer’s and designers have gone off the deep end.
    Like the polyester tops from the 70’s & 80’s. Weren’t great then and still aren’t.
    Also, such low cut tops and dresses – we are not sluts!
    Haven’t shopped or bought much of anything lately, because there isn’t anything out there worth spending my money on.
    Even slacks – hard pressed to find some heavy weight brushed cotton or corduroy slacks for the winter. All is polyester or light weight cotton, or cord jeans. The polyester tops won’t keep you warm in the winter either.
    Sorry to babble. Keep up the good work!

    Comment by Stinuksuk — December 17, 2009 #

12. I’ve always found Nordstrom very iffy in the plus size are. Why not try Talbot’s now when most everything will be on sale. Might be a bit more expensive, but will last a long time.

    Comment by Carolyn — December 17, 2009 #

13. Sue, I too have always wondered about that. Why do fashion consultants (the ones who work for the clothing stores) tell us to wear vertical stripes, and then offer only horizontal ones? We’ve been woting with our money as best we can for years; maybe comments on the websites will carry the message. (Must restrain myself from saying that these designers have their heads so far up their a***s that they can bite their own tonsils off…)

    Comment by PaganBuddy — December 17, 2009 #

14. Actually, I can agree with you only four out of five. The first one looks simple and classic to me, and it makes a virtue out of the model’s natural curves. In that photo I saw a handsome woman wearing a nice dress, not a godawful rag wearing a hapless woman. Yeah, it’s modest, but isn’t that what we want when we’re officiating?

    But never mind me, I’ve always been contrary . . .

    Comment by St. Blogwen — December 17, 2009 #

15. Agree with St. Blogwen–I would wear that first dress. In fact, I think I have…

    Comment by Em — December 18, 2009 #

16. That first dress needs to be hemmed BIG time. Very frumpy length.

    Comment by PeaceBang — December 18, 2009 #

17. I have found wedding wear stressful. There are expectations of willowy waif-like nuptial attire. Where to look? Party dresses aren’t my style. I have a family wedding coming up that is going to have me despair over what to wear. [We must commiserate on this together. I totally get you on the waif-like thing. My upper arms are NOT going to be seen by human eyes. I may be borrowing something from a clergywoman I just met. I was performing at a concert in her church and pulled her over as I was going up to sing to whisper, "I have to borrow that top for my cousin's wedding!" She was totally gracious. Women rock. - PB]

    Comment by Diane Miller — December 19, 2009 #

18. perhaps it’s time to go bespoke, pb. years ago i got a plum colored silk sheath on the clearance rack at lord and taylor. it almost but not quite fit. i had it altered, for more than i had paid up front. a decade or more later, it’s still going strong, although alas, it no longer fits over my expanding hips.

    Comment by elz — December 20, 2009 #

19. and the people styling the photos know how icky the clothes are so they don’t even try to get the stuff to even fit right or look nice with accessories. the first dress could be done well, but not as-is.

    Dillards is a not-quite-national department store (with a website) that often has great plus clothing, my mom gets a lot of great stuff from there.

    Comment by Claire — December 20, 2009 #

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